Mark Maynard | 2013 | August

Now recruiting for Team Satan in Malawi

By Mark | August 9, 2013

A few years ago, I posted a short piece about the practice of witchcraft in the African nation of Malawi, and, as a result, every six months or so, I get a strange comment in my in-box. Here’s the most recent one. It comes from a man in Lilongwe, Malawi who wants my help “joining” Satanism. Not having a membership package handy, I suggested that he look up my friend Pete, who is presently traveling through Africa, spreading the gospel of heavy metal, taking blood from cattle, and trying to unravel the mysteries of something called Q Fever. (I figure “scientist” and “witch” are probably pretty much interchangeable these days, especially when said scientists are taking blood from animals and studying spontaneous abortion in livestock.)

I was going to forward him information on joining the Santana Fan Club, offering it a the next best thing to joining Satanism, when it occurred to me that Pete might actually need some volunteers in Africa to help with the blood letting.

Speaking of Pete, he was supposed to come back to the U.S. a few days ago, but, as he found the airport in flames when he got to Nairobi, he had to change plans at the last minute. Given the recent State Department warnings concerning the possibility of terrorist attacks in Africa, and the fact that this particular fire just happened to break out on the 15th anniversary of the American Embassy bombings in Nairobi and Tanzania, I’m concerned about my old friend, but he tells me not to worry. He says people in Kenya love Americans… which, I guess, is understandable, given that our President was born there… And, even if that weren’t the case, I guess Pete’s always got Satan looking out for him, right?

Posted in Mark's Life, Uncategorized | Tagged Malawi, Metatron, Nairobi, Pete Larson, Q Fever, Santana, Satanism, Satanism rocks churches, terrorism | 98 Comments

Watching the legacy of CBGB unwind into nothingness on the big screen

By Mark | August 8, 2013

I know I should be supportive of the new indie film about the infamous Bowery bar CBGB, as it has the potential to introduce a whole new generation to the music of Television, the Ramones, the Talking Heads, and all the other punk and new wave bands that came into being there in the mid-1970s, but I can’t help but think it’s really going to suck. Maybe it’s the fact that they’ve cast the drummer of the Foo Fighters as Iggy Pop, or that the man who directed the film is also responsible for making the Sinbad vehicle Houseguest, but I feel pretty certain that the experience of seeing it on the big screen is going to leave me in tears… I know that it could have been worse. I know that I should just be thankful that Justin Bieber wasn’t given the task of playing Dee Dee Ramone, but no one likes to see their favorite things in life distilled, chopped up, sanitized, packaged and sold to a bunch of unappreciative assholes. And this goes double when a majority of said assholes probably just bought tickets because they heard that the kid who played Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies wears a dog collar and says “fuck” a lot. But, I suppose there are worse things in life, right?

Here, in case you haven’t seen it yet, is the trailer, which was made public today.

The online music magazine Pitchfork says the movie looks “comically lame,” which I’m inclined to agree with, but I recognize that their criticism might be motivated in large part by the fact that this film is going to have its premier at a New York-based festival, called CBGB Fest, a competitor to its own Pitchfork Music Fest. (The premier will take place on October 9.)

I have no idea how they’ll present it in the film, but, here, for those of you have never had the pleasure of reading my favorite book – Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk – is the how the whole CBGB thing really came about.

RICHARD HELL: I had been really impressed with how the New York Dolls had managed to make things happen for themselves. When they were first going, they would play the same night every week at the Mercer Arts Center. They were associated with the Mercer Arts Center and I thought that was perfect, because people could depend on that. They didn’t have to read the paper in order to follow you.

I liked it that if there was a cool band and if you wanted to see them, they’d always be playing on Friday nights at the Pit, or wherever. It seemed like the ideal way, if you were good, to draw the people who would be interested in you as quickly as possible.

So that’s what I proposed: that we find a place where we could do that. And I figured, “Where is a bar where nothing is happening? With nothing to lose if we tell them to let us play there one night a week? We’ll charge a door price, but yo can let in any of your regular customers. You can’t lose, because the people who come in will be buying drinks who wouldn’t have been there otherwise, and we’ll have an audience.”

So we all decided we were goign to keep our eyes open.

We used to take a bus down Second Avenue or Third Avenue or something to get to Chinatown to go to our rehearsal loft. (Tom) Verlaine and (Richard) Lloyd were apparently walking to a bus stop to go to rehearsal and they spotted CBGB’s. They went in and talked with Killy Kristal, the owner, and asked him if our idea apealed to him.

RICHARD LLOYD: Hilly was like, “What kind of music do you play?” We said, “Well, what does ‘CBGB-OMFUG’ stand for?” He said, “Country, Bluegrass, Blues, and Other Music for Uplifting Gourmandizers.” So we said, “Oh yeah, we play a little of that, a little rock, a little country, a little blues, a little bluegrass…”

And Hilly said, “Oh, okay, maybe…”

He was gonna have the place be like a drive-in. He was gonna put the stage in the front of the place, so people could hear music from the street, too. We said, “Hilly, that’s not gonna work – first of all, the person taking money as the door won’t be able to hear what anybody’s saying; second of all, when people leave they’re gonna walk right in front of the band; and third of all, you’re gonna get complaints from the street.”

That just shows you the kind of bizarre ideas that Hilly had from the get go. So Terry Ork ended up going on our behalf, to guarantee Hilly an audience. He said, “Look, the band’s playing around, we do our own postering, we take an ad our in the Voice, we’ll guarantee you a bar.”

So Hilly gave us three Sundays, in three week’s time.

And thus history was made… Now, of course, Hilly is dead, as are many of the people who helped make CBGB infamous, and the bar itself is an upscale clothing store, where you can buy $165 t-shirts. I suppose the beauty of life is that it’s always evolving, and I guess that’s especially true in New York. Change happens. And that’s how a little country, bluegrass and blues dive came to be home to some of the most important artists of the late 20th century. While it breaks my heart a bit to see the whole thing unwind into nothingness like this, I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that nothing good last forever. And that’s probably for the best. All we can hope for is that, on occasion, we’re around when one of these fleeting opportunities to arise from that nothingness presents itself, and nudges us all onto a slightly different, more interesting course. And that, I think, is what happened 40 years ago in New York.

PS: And, as long as we’re talking about the poorly executed commoditization of things we hold precious, did you happen to see the trailer for the new film on Salinger?

Posted in Art and Culture, Uncategorized | Tagged Bowrey, CBGB, CBGB Festival, Hilly Kristal, Iggy Pop, John Varvatos, Justin Bieber, Mercer Arts Center, movies that I want to see, movies that make Mark cry, new wave, New York, New York Dolls, Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk, punk, Richard Hell, Rupert Grint, television, Terry Ork | 18 Comments

Stewart Beal on his plans to redevelop Ypsilanti’s Thompson Block with the help of small, local investors

By Mark | August 7, 2013

Late last week, when AnnArbor.com reported that Stewart Beal was changing tack relative to the Thompson Block, and going after small, unaccredited investors in order to get the stalled redevelopment project moving forward, I decided to reach out to the local developer and ask a few questions. Following are his answers.

MARK: As I understand it, having exhausted other funding avenues, you’ve decided to turn to the community, selling individual individual shares in Thompson Block LLC, the corporation you’ve set up for the redevelopment of the former Civil War barracks, for $10,000. Your hope, from what I read in the recent AnnArbor.com article, is to raise $1.74 million in this way. My first question is, given the local economy, do you think it’s likely that you’ll be able to sell 174 shares?

STEWART: It isn’t exactly correct to say that we’ve exhausted other funding sources, because our plan has always been to sell shares to real estate investors in order to raise the necessary equity capital to complete the project. You are exactly correct, however, in that we are selling 174 shares in the limited liability company we have established for this purpose, which is called Thompson Block Partners, LLC. We believe we will be successful in raising the equity capital, through the sale of shares, which, when combined with our bank financing and tax credits, will allow us to embark on a successful project.

MARK: To be blunt, I think it’s safe to say that there are a lot of people in Ypsilanti who are upset with you right now, given your track record on the project. Given that that you’ve missed deadlines and broken promises in the past, there’s a perception, generally speaking, that you’ve been insensitive to the community concerns. I know that you’d argue that there were good reasons for missing those agreed to deadlines, etc. For the purposes of this interview, though, I’d rather not get into it. I’m just interested to know if you think this negative perception will affect your ability to attract investors.

STEWART: We actually have found that the exact opposite is true. When we speak to people about the Thompson Block, they are overwhelmingly supportive of our project, and they’re really excited about the new designs, which we announced in April, and are working on now. The newly envisioned project will consist of 16 luxury lofts, 14,000sf of commercial space, and 30 parking spaces. We will combine 400 N. River, 107 E. Cross, and 113 E. Cross into one cohesive site, making a very attractive Depot Town corner. The stake holders of Depot Town, specifically those on the Ypsilanti Downtown Development Authority, and the owners of neighboring buildings, have made it clear that they are very supportive. In general, people understand that our bank being purchased by another bank in 2009 and canceling our loan, and then the fire, have led to unfortunate delays, and they are understanding that we have done all we could to save one of the most historic buildings in Ypsilanti. Owners of buildings in Depot Town have said things like, “The building looks the best it has in 40 years”. One member of Ypsilanti City Council recently said, “The City took the action it did in order to ensure that the building is not a hazard to the public. Now that the building is safe, the City should support the project”. Absolutely no one has ever told us they perceive our group as being insensitive to community concerns, but we certainly understand that it’s in the best interest of the community to complete the project for the benefit of all.

MARK: Assuming people want to invest, how would they go about getting involved? Do I understand correctly that you’ll be hosting some kind of event at Sidetrack, and giving tours of the site for potential investors? If so, when is that scheduled to happen, and how do people go about signing up to participate?

STEWART: If someone is interested in investing in the project, they can email me or Tyler Weston, who is with Howard Hanna Real Estate Services. We would then set up a one-on-one meeting to discuss the offering memorandum and the expected returns from such investment. You are correct in that we are hosting an event – called the “Thompson Block Open House” – on August 21st, from 5:00 PM to 7:00 PM. The event is not at the Sidetrack, but the Sidetrack is sponsoring the event, and the first 100 visitors that enter the building will receive a $10 Sidetrack gift card, so they can have a beer on us. The open house should be attended by prospective investors, prospective tenants, and members of the general public.

MARK: According to AnnArbor.com, you’ve already raised $300,000. I was unclear from the article, however, as to whether that money came in as a result of this new offer, or if perhaps this was the money that you’d raised several years ago, when you first set out to develop the Thompson Block.

STEWART: You are correct in that the article was unclear, but we are not going to publically discuss our fundraising success. However, we are prepared to share this information with City staff, so they can monitor our progress if they desired to do so.

MARK: I’d be curious to know who you’re pitching this opportunity to. Are you speaking primarily to Ypsilantians, or are you focusing outside the community? As your father was successful a few years ago selling $50,000 shares in the LLC he’d created to redevelop Detroit’s Broderick Tower, I’m curious to know if, perhaps, you might be looking to some of those same individuals. (As I understand it, he had 23 investors that bought in at that amount, contributing $1.15 million toward the $53 million project.) If you’re going after non-local investors, do you think the business case is strong enough to bring them to the table? In other words, I can see how local people may want to invest because they’d like to see the building saved and the block redeveloped, but, outside the community, investors, I’m thinking, would just care about bottom line.

STEWART: We are primarily pitching the investment to accredited investors who invest primarily in real estate. The definition of an accredited investor is a person who has a net worth of $1,000,000, not including their personal residence, or someone who has made in excess of $200,000 per year for the last 3 years. We can sell up to 35 shares to non-accredited investors per the SEC, however, but those investors must be very experienced in financial matters, real estate, construction, etc. We are seeking both local and non-local investors. Investors range from people who are strictly bottom line-focused, to those who are primarily interested in saving one of the most historic buildings in Ypsilanti.

MARK: Can you say whether or not any local people have invested? I’m curious, for instance, to know whether any factions of the French family might be supporting this new push of yours. How about other notable locals?

STEWART: We, as a general rule, do not identify individual investors unless they are working on the project in a public way. For instance, one of our new team members and investors is Tyler Weston, who many people know as “The Ypsilanti Real Estate Guy”. Tyler has taken on both luxury loft leasing and commercial space leasing for the project. I will say, however, that factions of the French family are very supportive of the project, and have repeatedly stated this publicly – most recently at a Ypsilanti Downtown Development Authority meeting, which is public record.

MARK: As I understand it, you have until the end of August to put a roof on the structure, or be in violation of your most recent agreement with the City. Assuming you don’t get a roof on the structure over the course of the next four weeks, what recourse does the City have?

STEWART: We like to point out that, over the two different agreements we made with City Council, we agreed to do 14 things. 13 of those things have been completed on time, and to the satisfaction of the City. Each one was extraordinarily difficult to accomplish, and we’re really proud of our efforts to save one of the most historic buildings in the City in the face of such adversity. The 14th thing is, “Within 3 years of this Agreement, the exterior envelope shall be completed”. It’s true that some interpret this to say that we agreed to put a roof on the structure by the end of August. Others, however, read the agreement differently. With that said, we very much want to work with the City of Ypsilanti to complete this project on a realistic timetable that works for everyone. In fact, we’ve been working with City staff for eight months to design a process under which to move forward to everyone’s satisfaction. Both the City, and the members of Thompson Block Partners, LLC, realize that neighter party can be successful without the success of the other. We are in this together, and we know that we’ll work well together. We’ve written a really great proposal to the City Council, and we hope they support us as much as City staff has supposed us. What recourse does the City have if it’s their opinion that we have not met the terms of the agreement? The recourse for the City is clear in that the agreement says, “In the event of any dispute regarding the terms of this Agreement or compliance by either party to the agreement, the parties agree to meet and facilitate… before taking any action to enforce this agreement.” We certainly hope to avoid facilitation, although we feel we could navigate that process successfully as well.

MARK: Let’s say I were to buy a $10,000 share, what would I likely see in terms of a return? Would I receive a share of the rents in perpetuity, or would it be more like a loan, where I got back something like three times my investment over the course of the next ten years, assuming that the redevelopment is successful?

STEWART: We would gladly discuss this at length in an investment meeting, but this is not an appropriate place to have this discussion because the answers need to be explained while reviewing 40 pages of documents. We can certainly say that an investor would be an owner of the building until an exit strategy was achieved.

MARK: Assuming everything goes forward as planned, the building is saved, units are rented, and revenues start coming in, where will I, as a $10,000 investor, find myself in the line of folks looking to be paid back? In other words, should I assume that I’ll only start to see my cut once the banks, and your other larger investors have been paid back?

STEWART: Again, we would be gladly discuss this at length in a investment meeting, but this is not an appropriate place to have this discussion because the answers need to be explained while walking through 40 pages of documents. However, in all real estate structures, the banks are paid first, and all other investors, big and small, are treated equally.

MARK: As I understand it, the entire renovation has been estimated at about $4 million, of which you’re looking to raise $1.74 million through the sale of these shares that we’ve been discussing. You also have over $1 million in historic tax credits, and another $1 million in OPRA tax exemptions. And, on top of that, you have some MEDC money, and you’re seeking a DDA facade grant. As much of this money won’t be available until after the completion of the project, though, you’re still going to need other funding sources, right? What other chunks of the financing are in place? Are these $10,000 shares the last piece of the puzzle that you need in order to make the project go, or will it still be in limbo even if you’re able to sell these 174 shares?

STEWART: You are correct in saying that, if we sold 174 shares tomorrow, and the other funding sources were not in place, the project would not start. We need all the pieces to come together as once for the project to start.

MARK: Did I hear correctly that you’re anticipating retail rent in the new Thompson Block to go for $16 a square foot? Given your knowledge of Ypsi real estate, does that seem realistic to you?

STEWART: Yes and yes. In fact, in 2009, before the fire, we had 75% of the commercial space rented at $16 to $18 per square foot.

MARK: The most recent plan calls for 16 “luxury lofts” and 14,000 square feet of commercial space. I suspect it’s way too early in the process for anyone to sign on the bottom line, but do you have any reason to believe that you’ll be able to find tenants?

STEWART: We’re specifically looking for loft tenants now, and have two lofts reserved, with 14 remaining. We would not sign a lease now, but would sign a letter of intent that describes the rent, the security deposit, and when the lease would need to be signed. There are many challengers with this project, but renting the lofts is not one. Our group of investors manages over 300 apartments in the City of Ypsilanti, of which 299 are currently occupied. Also, the West Michigan Lofts in downtown Ypsilanti, where there are 20 lofts of similar style and price, are fully occupied, and have never been vacant for more than a few days in eight years.

MARK: I’ve yet to confirm this, but I recently heard that several of your rental properties around town are on the market. Might this be a Plan B for raising equity capital necessary to redevelop the Thompson Block?

STEWART: We have recently sold a property at 210 Ferris. We sold this property because the land contract had expired and needed to be paid off. The purchase allowed us to pay off the land contract and “take home,” so to speak, $40,000, which will be immediately reinvested in Ypsilanti. We also have 218 Ferris, 806 West Michigan, and 804 West Michigan for sale with Howard Hanna Real Estate Services. Any sale proceeds would be immediately reinvested in Ypsilanti, perhaps as equity capital for the Thompson Block.

Posted in Uncategorized, Ypsilanti | Tagged Depot Town, development, Howard Hanna Real Estate Services, landlords, local investing, lofts, real estate, Stewart Beal, Thompson Block, Thompson Block Partners, Tyler Weston, West Michigan Lofts | 29 Comments

More disgusting, politically-motivated misinformation about the death of Ambassador Chris Stevens in Benghazi

By Mark | August 7, 2013

Someone I went to high school with posted an absolutely horrific photo on Facebook today of U.S. Ambassador Christopher Stevens being dragged naked through the streets of Benghazi and tortured with a cattle prod after being set on fire and repeatedly raped. I hesitate to share it here, as it’s so graphic, but I feel as though people need to know the truth… which, of course, is that Ambassador Stevens was never raped, or tortured in the streets of Bengazi.

Stevens was, as all of us who bothered to read the actual reports know, carried by Libyan civilians to the Benghazi Medical Centre in the immediate aftermath of the September 11 attack on the American consulate. He, as we all know, died from the injuries he sustained, but his body was not desecrated, and he was neither raped nor tortured. (Speaking of the attack, murder charges were filed yesterday against Ahmed Abu Khattala, the prominent Benghazi militia leader thought to be responsible.)

Here’s the image that my friend shared with me today, followed, a bit later, by the actual image of Stevens being carried to the hospital… You’ll notice that my friend was just one of 9,516 to share the image, and the associated text.

I would love to focus 100% of my anger directly on those individuals responsible for this attack, but I find it difficult when so many of my fellow Americans have chosen to add insult to injury by grabbing ahold of this terrible tragedy and using it to further their own political agendas. As you can clearly see in the text accompanying the image, the point of sharing this isn’t to mourn the tragic passing of a dedicated public servant, but to see our President weakened by it. “If ANYTHING is going to take Obama down, IT IS THIS!!”, the author says. But, as I said above, it’s not real… not that reality matters anymore.

A quick Tineye search of the image has turned up several instances in which the photo in question appeared on the web in 2009 and 2010. I’ve been translating sites for the past half hour or so, and I still can’t find a definitive source, but I don’t imagine it really matters, seeing as how its existence prior to 2012 alone proves that it couldn’t be Stevens. (This same image has been used to illustrate articles about Spanish war crimes, Argentinian war crime, and the activities of the CIA in the Middle East.)

Here, by way of context, is an excerpt from a post I wrote about Benghazi in November of last year. (The image to the right, by the way, is of the real Chris Stevens being dragged to the hospital, where he was pronounced dead.)

…Based on the evidence, I think it’s safe to say that this is nothing more than a disgraceful attempt to capitalize on tragedy.

Let’s start with the fact that, contrary to what the Republicans in Congress would have you believe, American embassies and consulates are attacked quite frequently. During the Bush administration, for instance, seven American embassies were attacked. These attacks took place in Saudi Arabia (2004), Uzbekistan (2004), and Athens (2007), among other places. The bloodiest attacks took place in Karachi, Pakistan, where ten people were killed and fifty-one were injured in 2002, and in Yemen, where ten people lost their lives in 2008. To my knowledge, none of the people now calling for a formal investigation into what happened in Benghazi so much raised a single question about Bush’s role relative to embassy security in the wake of any of these attacks.

To be honest, I can’t even recall the Republicans being this aggressive in response to the 9/11 attacks on our country, in which 2,996 individuals were murdered. And, in that case, we actually had solid evidence demonstrating that the President had disregarded warnings of an imminent attack on American soil. I mean, among other things, the man was actually handed a national security briefing document by a CIA official on August 6, 2001 entitled Bin Ladin Determined To Strike in US, and yet, by all accounts, did nothing. But, yet it’s the Benghazi attack that has Republicans talking about impeachment. I can’t be the only one that finds that a little odd, right?

If any of you doubt what this is really about, I’d encourage you to look into the actions of Senator John McCain this morning. After days of demanding that a special select committee be formed to investigate what happened in Bengazi, and making the case that it’s critically important that we understand exactly what happened, John McCain chose to skip a closed-door briefing about the deadly Benghazi attack this morning, opting instead to go on television, demanding immediate answers. And, when the irony of this was pointed out to him, he wasn’t happy….

But this isn’t anything new. The Republicans, who apparently have no shame whatsoever, have been attempting to politicize the deaths of these four Americans since the night of the attack, when Romney violated his pledge not to make partisan comments on the anniversary of 9/11, called a press conference, and proceeded to lie to the American people, saying that “the Obama administration’s first response was not to condemn attacks on our diplomatic missions, but to sympathize with those who waged the attacks.” It wasn’t true then, and it wasn’t true several weeks later, when, during the second presidential debate, Romney went back to the issue, claiming falsely that Obama had failed to call the attack an act of terrorism, only to be fact-checked in real time. And it’s certainly not true now… This was a horrific event, and we should mourn the loss of the four American men who died there that night, while serving their country, not use their deaths to further our own political agendas…

While I reached out to my old friend, and let her know that the image that she’s sharing isn’t of Stevens, I wonder about the other 9,515 people who’ve shared it thus far. Is anyone telling them? And I wonder why it is that my friend still hasn’t removed it from her page. And maybe that’s the more troubling thing… the fact that someone, knowing that it couldn’t possibly be Stevens, would still keep it up. My guess, and I’d have to ask her, is that she still thinks, somehow, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that it could be him. That’s how strong the narrative being pushed by the right has become. As with the Obama birth certificate story, they’ve decided to go all in on Benghazi, knowing that, after a solid year of continuously blowing smoke, there are going to be a certain number of people who, regardless of what evidence they’re shown, will believe that there’s fire. And that’s why, almost a year after these tragic events, we’re confronted by a huge number of people who honestly believe that Obama was somehow responsible for the deaths of these three Americans… or, worse yet, maybe even had a hand in planning it. Sadly, that’s the world we live in today.

And the truly terrible thing is that all of this nonsense is distracting us from what we should be doing… which is coming together in order to bring the men responsible for theses deaths in Benghazi to justice, and demonstrating to the people of the world that we’re a nation governed by laws, and not by paranoid delusions delivered by way of social media.

Posted in Other, Politics, Rants, Uncategorized | Tagged Ahmed Abu Khattala, Benghazi, Chris Stevens, Libya | 148 Comments

“Love the Man. Save the Leg…” Announcing a coordinated campaign to help Patrick Elkins deal with his life-threatening medical bills

By Mark | August 6, 2013

My friend Patrick Elkins, who I often mention here on the site, has been dealing with some relatively serious health issues these past several years. As I suspect many of you already know, he’s got something called DVT, or Deep Vein Thrombosis, which essentially means that, in the absence of medical intervention, extremely painful, and potentially life-threatening blood clots form in his legs. Thankfully, given our proximity to the University of Michigan hospital, he’s been able to get treatment as needed, but, were that not the case, one of these clots could easily move from his legs to his lungs, causing pulmonary embolism, and death. Unfortunately, the treatment that he’s received isn’t cheap. Over the course of the past few years, Patrick has had to visit the emergency room on several occasions, which is an extremely costly proposition for someone who, like Pat, works full time, but yet doesn’t have health insurance. This, of course, is especially true in instances where he has to be admitted and kept overnight for observation, as just happened a few weeks ago. The good news is, working with U-M’s Anticoagulation Clinic, Patrick seems to have found a treatment regimen that’s helping, but the blood thinners and other medications that he’s now taking don’t come cheap.

As of today, Patrick owes $9,839.00. I know the amount because he’s shown me the letters he’s been receiving from collection agencies. There are five individual bills, stemming from two episodes last year that required hospital visits. And, unfortunately, that’s not the worst of it. These bills do not reflect Patrick’s most recent overnight hospital stay, which, one imagines, will more than double his outstanding debt to the University of Michigan Health System.

It’s worth reiterating, I think, that that Patrick has a full-time job, which he’s held for the past several years. He’s not by any means a slacker looking to take advantage of the system. Unfortunately, the company that he works for made the decision some time ago to stop hiring full-time employees in his department, as they’d done for years, and instead rely on “contract” employees… which essentially means that they hire people to do the exact same work as they always did, but without having to give them health insurance or other benefits. Fortunately, Patrick has reason to believe that things may be changing on that front, and that his company may be moving him to a full-time, non-contract position. This, of course, would be awesome, as the new position would give Patrick access to health insurance, but, unfortunately, it doesn’t help with the outstanding debt he’s accumulated thus far.

I should also add that Patrick, given that he works full-time, and earns a wage that puts him somewhat above the poverty level, is ineligible for government assistance through programs like Medicaid. So, he’s essentially stuck in the middle… unable to pay, but, at the same time, unable to get help through the state or federal government.

Someone else, if confronted by these same circumstances, might quit his job in order to qualify for government health insurance, but Patrick doesn’t want to go that route. And he also doesn’t want to declare bankruptcy. He wants make good on his debts, which I find admirable… Unfortunately, collections agencies are now involved, and things are getting serious. And, it’s with that in mind that I write this today.

Knowing that all of this is going on, several of Patrick’s friends have started brainstorming as to how we might help him get this debt taken care of, so he can just focus on getting better. We met with him a few days ago, and here are some of the more promising ideas that we came up with. If anything on this list sounds like something that you might be able to help with, let me know… Also, I should add that Patrick is supportive of these efforts, and signed off on this post. So, it’s not like we’re just running off on our own and doing this behind his back.

THE LEGFEST BENEFIT CONCERT… Given Patrick’s standing in the local music scene, this is an obvious way to go, although I’m uncertain as to how much money we might be able to raise. I’d love to have it be an outdoor event, over the course of a day or two, sometime in the fall, but I’m not sure that’s doable, given the fact that we’d like to sell beer, and I can’t figure out a way to do that within the boundaries of the law. (Beer sales, I think, will be necessary if we want to raise more than just a few thousand dollars.) I’m certain that we could put together one hell of a lineup, and sell 200 or so tickets at $10 a piece, but, even so, that’s just $2,000. Beer, though, if we could figure out a way to sell it legally, could more than double that. And that’s what we’ve been puzzling over these past few days… But maybe it doesn’t have to be outside. Maybe all we need is to find a friendly bar that would give us a cut of their beer sales for a night or two… However we decide to do it, I’m sure this will happen. Pat’s friends want to help, and this would be a great way for folks to show their support, either on-stage, or through the purchase of tickets and beer.

ROB EVERYONE WHO COMES TO THE BENEFIT… We discarded this idea pretty quickly, but I do kind of like the idea of holding a benefit, and, then, once everyone’s there, robbing them to pay Pat’s hospital bills. Of course, the folks who come to Pat’s benefit likely wouldn’t be folks with a ton money, which, admittedly, kind of defeats the purpose. If we really wanted to do it right, I’m thinking, we’d promote some big, fake, black-tie event in Ann Arbor… like a blind, lesbian string quartet from Kenya performing songs written by a Chinese political prisoner… and then rob all the rich folks when they showed up.

“WE LOVE PAT’S LEG” SINGLE… In addition to having a benefit of some kind, we’re also kicking around the idea of recording a single, like “We Are the World”, featuring a veritable who’s-who of local musicians and celebrities, all singing with great sincerity about what Pat’s leg means to them… Who wouldn’t pay $.99 to download a sweeping anthem about the importance of Patrick’s leg, right? All we need is to find someone to donate a little studio time. The song, I think, would pretty much write itself… Leg. Beg. Bipedal. Hemp nettle…

WE NEED TO RENEGOTIATE PATRICK’S DEBT… Once we find out the total of what Patrick owes, we need to determine whether or not there might be an opportunity to renegotiate his debt, structure a payment plan, etc. I have no idea how such things are done, but I imagine that there are people who have done this kind of thing before, and know how to navigate the system. Given the number of people in this country who are going broke due to medical debt, I suspect that there are now quite a few people with experience in this area, and my hope is, that through this campaign, we might be able to meet some of them, and help Pat figure out a way forward.

WE NEED TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM… It’s unconscionable, in a country as rich as ours, that people who work full-time, and play by the rules, are forced by health care bills into bankruptcy. It’s absolutely insane, and Patrick’s situation, I think, illustrates very well why health care reform is so vitally important to the future of our country.

DINNER WITH PATRICK… There was some talk of having a private dinner with Patrick that people could bid on. Patrick, I’m guessing, would make pancakes, and let you see his swollen, veiny, discolored leg.

REVISING DREAMLAND TONIGHT… Granted, it won’t pull in much money, as we never sold a ton of tickets, but I think it might be time to bring back our neighborhood, puppet-hosted talk show, and to do it for Patrick. I’m envisioning a whole leg-themed show, with us interviewing Pat’s leg, calling up Leggz in Portland, talking about the old strip club Legs on Michigan Avenue, and any number of other things.

PATRICK NEEDS INSURANCE… If, on the off chance, things fall through with Patrick’s employer, we need to find a way to get him insured, so that, the next time there’s an issue, this doesn’t happen again… Are you a single person with good insurance who would like to marry a heavily-bearded puppeteer? If so, let me know and I’ll set up a date.

A SITE WHERE PEOPLE CAN DONATE ONLINE… We haven’t done anything toward this end yet, but we know we also need to do something like a Kickstarter campaign. The first challenge is to find a platform with a name that doesn’t bring to mind kicking, or other things done with healthy legs.

I will continue to share information over the coming weeks, but I just wanted to give you a heads-up and let you know that planning is underway. If you have thoughts, please leave a comment. Or, if you’d like to help, drop me an email. I know, at the very least, we’ll need bands, a venue, an artist or two, some web people, and some folks to help with the marketing of this whole thing. Any and all assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Lastly, just a few words about Patrick, for those of you who don’t know him.

There are a lot of people in this world who do good and interesting things. Very few of them, however, actually make things happen. Patrick is one of those people. I’m reminded of the quote by Reggie Jackson, in which he referred to himself as, “the straw that stirs the drink.” I think that’s kind of what Patrick is. He’s one of those people who, for whatever reason, kind of serves as a catalyst, bringing people together, and making positive things happen. He’s the kind of guy that a community needs, and we’re damn lucky to have him. And now it’s our chance to show him how much we appreciate his work… So, what do you say Ypsi/Arbor?

[And, yes, I know it’s technically both legs that are giving Patrick problems, but “Legfest” sounds a lot better than “Legsfest”, so we decided to just pretend that the issue is only half as serious as it really is.]