The paint, or chalk, or whatever it was, is almost gone now, but, a week or so ago, someone wrote “LGBT” on the sidewalk in front of my house. I’m still not sure what to make it of it, but here are a few theories that I’ve considered, starting with ones that I think are least likely.
1. I’m being outed as a homosexual… As I’m not a homosexual, I think this scenario is unlikely. But, then again, there is footage on the internet of me in bed with a large Jordanian bartender. Regardless, though, if someone had wanted to expose me as gay, I think that they would have chosen to use a term a little more inflammatory than “LGBT”. At least I can’t remember the last time a bigot was caught spraying something other than “gay” or “faggot” on the property of a gay couple. It would be like if a Klansman spray painted “African American” on the side of someone’s house.
2. “LGBT” doesn’t stand for “Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender” at all, but some kind of LOL-like leetspeak acronym, like “Laughing at your Great Blog Tonight.” Is that a thing? If not, why not?
3. It’s not me that it’s about at all, but someone else in my family… or, more likely, all of us. What if the “LGBT” indicated that our household had one of each? What if the graffiti was meant to identify us as winners in some kind of sexual Yahtzee – four people, each identifying with one letter of “LGBT”? I know it’s unlikely in our case, as the kids are just kids, but I like the idea that somewhere in town there’s a house with a gay man, a lesbian woman, a bisexual, and someone who identifies as transgender. And I like the idea of them winning something for that achievement, even if it’s just a chalked “large straight” on their front doorstep… which would be kind of ironic, wouldn’t it?
4. There’s a new gay gang in town, and they’re marking their turf in violent chalk.
5. It’s a sign indicating to other LGBT folks that we’re friendly, kind of like how Depression era hobo’s would scratch signs into people’s fences and the like to indicate to their fellow tramps where they might find a “kindhearted lady,” a sandwich, or medical assistance.
And it’s that last one that I’m going with. Whether it’s what actually happened or not, I like the idea that our house was identified as one in which all people, regardless of sexual orientation, might get a fair shake… Maybe not a free sandwich, but at least a fair shake.