Mark Maynard | 2012 | January

My sign idea for Friday’s Obama visit

By Mark | January 25, 2012

I can’t make it out to Obama’s campaign speech on college affordability this Friday, so I’m offering up my sign idea to whomever would like to use it. (You don’t have to dress like a bear, by the way.)

I debated going with a sign calling attention to one of the many issues I have with the Obama administration, but, ultimately, I decided that, given the venue, and the audience, it made more sense to take the opportunity to draw attention to our Governor’s aggressive use of the Emergency Financial Manager Act to take control of Michigan’s aging cities, invalidate local elections, subvert the will of the people, break union contracts, sell off publicly owned assets, and privatize what little remains. If we’re to believe Snyder that this is a good thing at the local level, wouldn’t it stand to reason that it would also be a good thing at the state level? I say we ask Obama to give it a shot…. for our own good.

Posted in Ideas, Mark's Life, Michigan, Observations, Politics | Tagged Emergency Financial Manager, Emergency Financial Manager Act, higher education, Obama, protest signs, Rick Snyder, tuition, University of Michigan | 10 Comments

In defense of my beautiful body… majestic penis

By Mark | January 25, 2012

Last night, in a post about a new bar in Ypsi, I noted my dislike of trough urinals. This admission attracted the following comment from an Ypsilantian by the name of Karen.

If you’re ashamed of your penis that much, you should get a catheter for when you go out to eat.

In a later comment, she went on to speculate that I may suffer from “discoloration problems,” or that there may be something unusual going on with my testicles.

Well, after consulting with my family, and several local clergymen, I’ve decided to make a statement.

There’s nothing wrong with my penis.

Truth is, I just don’t much enjoy excreting bodily fluids in front of strangers.

For what it’s worth, I also try my best not to poop in front of people that I don’t know.

And, I should add, that has nothing to do with the shape, coloration or functionality of my anus. (It’s exquisite, by the way.) I just think that some things are best kept private.

But, as I know that many of you, like Karen, are suspicious by nature, and think that there’s some kind of penile deformity lurking beneath the crotch of my Toughskins, I’ve asked Linette to submit a sworn affidavit describing every subtle nuance of my genitalia. (She’s been keeping detailed notes on it for close to two decades now, so the report should be somewhat exhaustive, and I’m hoping that it will put any lingering doubts to rest once and for all.) And, if this doesn’t satisfy Karen and the other Penile Truthers in the audience, I’ll submit to examination by a neutral party (preferably someone with a lab coat).

And, for what it’s worth, my mother says that I have a beautiful body.

Posted in Mark's Life, Uncategorized | Tagged Birthers, catheter, Freaks and Geeks, Karen Maurer, Mark's penis, penis discoloration, penises, testicles, The Worst Bar, trough urinals, Truthers | 36 Comments

Religion, a net positive?

By Mark | January 24, 2012

A few days ago, in response to a post about my aunt, who had been swindled by a member of her church in Wisconsin, a reader by the name of Mr. X left the following comment.

Has religion given us more good than bad, historically speaking? I’d like to say that it was a positive force for many years, as mankind made the transition to civil society, and that makes all the shit since then worth it, but I’m beginning to think that it’s shifting toward a net negative. I mean, the golden rule was awesome, and revolutionary, but does that counterbalance the religious wars, the stoning of rape victims, the pedophilia of priests, the greed and cruelty of the mega-church crowd who would rather see the poor starve in the streets than pay more in taxes, the historic theft of the Catholic church, the denying of birth control to people who can’t feed the children that they already have, and all the rest?

A reader calling himself Mr. Y then responded with the following, which, I felt as though I had to move up here to the front page. Here’s hoping that you find it as thought provoking as I did.

It’s a question well worth asking, but the term “religion” is so broad to be meaningless. It’s like asking has “science” or “technology” given us more good than bad. The wheel was pretty cool. So were sharp tools and fire. But then came tanks, swords and nuclear bombs. So is science good or bad?

Of course, you can’t easily escape that your very question is grounded on religious notions of good and bad, as defined by our dominant religious history. Some religions are based on caste, rulers as unquestionable deity, raping children to attain purity and so on…

So, no, religion is not a pure good (i.e., “good” as defined by Christian religion). But I think what you recoil against isn’t religion, but hypocrisy (as defined by Christian religion).

In pre-Christian Rome, raping kids wasn’t considered pedophilia (at least not in a bad way). It was more akin to getting a free cup of coffee on the way to work. The Romans, of course, were quite religious. They thought they were good. We don’t, since we’re in the lineage of their replacement religion that thought sexing most anything was bad.

I do think the past century has given us a glimpse at non-religious States moral aptitude. It’s also worth noting that the States that have made the most progress in a spectrum human rights still carry a loud echo of the golden rule in their collective unconsciousness. (I still think the Golden Rule is awesome.)

The Golden Rule (do unto others) does (on face value) stand in pretty starkly naive contrast to “survival of the fittest.” Which party platform would you vote for? Do unto others or survival of the fittest? (Fits nicely, eh?)

If I may get religious, Jesus used the term hypocrite more than once. I think he knew it’d be a useful term. It recognizes and anticipates the inevitability of fakes. Opportunist fakes are inevitable. Hypocrisy is not religion.

As an aside, since all your negative references to “religion” were of Christian hypocrisy, is it fair to ask that you’re real question was “is Christianity useful?”

My answer is to look around the world for the past century or so. Is there a place you can find where human dignity (with its slow moving imperfections) is as fully realized as in nation’s with a Christian lineage? What system (religious or otherwise) would you prefer raise your children in?

As right as it is to rail against hypocrisy, we need to give props to the source of our indignancy. The most irreligious among us, are, on the moral scale of defining “right” and “wrong,” deeply, deeply Christian.

If, in our current age of science, you even think in terms of right and wrong, you are hopelessly religious.

The rest of you read Ayn Rand.

Please feel free to pour yourself a dixie cup full of wine and join in the discussion.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Ayn Rand, Caleb Brokaw, evil, fire, Golden Rule, good, hypocrisy, Jesus, morality, pedophilia, rape, religion, Rome, Science, sexing, survival of the fittest, the revolutionary nature of the Golden Rule, the wheel | 11 Comments

Tonight’s Sate of the Union address

By Mark | January 24, 2012

I’m listing to the President’s State of the Union address right now, and wondering how in the hell any of the Republicans currently fighting for their party’s nomination think they’ve got a realistic shot against him come November. I know it’s just a speech, and a lot of the ideas will never come to fruition, but it just seems to me that his pitch is super tight. Sure, the economy isn’t where we want it, and a lot of us on the left side of the spectrum are still upset over the handling of the health care debate, his reluctance to repeal the Bush tax cuts, the increasing threat to civil liberties at home, and any number of other things, but, when it comes to core messages that resonate with the American people, I can’t imagine Gingrich of Romney being able to lay a glove on him. Fear, anger, and the “but he’s a socialist” rhetoric only go so far.

For those of you listening at home, our friends at Think Progress have put together an interesting list of background facts. Here are a few of my favorites.

• Since the last SOTU, the economy has created 1.9 million private sector jobs. [Source]
• The top 1 percent take home 24 percent of the nation’s income, up from about 9 percent in 1976. [Source]
• Private sector job creation under Obama in 2011 was larger than seven out of the eight years Bush was president. [Source]
• The top 1 percent of Americans own 40 percent of our country’s wealth while the bottom 80 percent owns only 7 percent. [Source]
• Thanks to the Affordable Care Act, 2.5 million young adults gained health insurance. [Source]
• Last year, China spent 9 percent of its GDP on infrastructure. The U.S. spent 2.5 percent. [Source]
• 2.65 million seniors saved an average of $569 on prescriptions last year thanks to the Affordable Care Act. [Source]
• Union membership is at a 70-year low. [Source]
• The United States used to have the world’s largest percentage of college graduates. We’re now #14. [Source]
• 47.8 percent of households that receive food stamps are working, because having a job is not enough to keep them out of poverty. [Source]
• In the last three years, 30 major corporations spent more on lobbying than they paid in taxes. [Source]
• 50 percent of U.S. workers make less than $26,364 per year. [Source]
• More than one in 70 homes faced foreclosure last year. [Source]
• Since 1985, the federal tax rate for the 400 wealthiest Americans dropped from 29 percent to 18 percent. [Source]

So, do you think he sufficiently addressed all of these issues tonight?

Speaking of Obama, will anyone be going to hear him speak when he comes to Ann Arbor on Friday?

update: Did he just say that he’s launching a task force to explore the prosecution of those financial sector executives responsible for the economic disaster we’ve been living through?

update: Did I just hear people in the audience booing Obama for suggesting that we should pass a law making it illegal for members of Congress to benefit financially from insider trading? COuld that be possible?

update: The transcript of the entire address can be found here.

update: OK, here’s the part of the speech about the prosecution of Wall Street evil doers… I just hope that he follows though, and this isn’t just another election year promise, like that time he told us that he’d close GITMO.

…We will also establish a Financial Crimes Unit of highly trained investigators to crack down on large-scale fraud and protect people’s investments. Some financial firms violate major anti-fraud laws because there’s no real penalty for being a repeat offender. That’s bad for consumers, and it’s bad for the vast majority of bankers and financial service professionals who do the right thing. So pass legislation that makes the penalties for fraud count.

And tonight, I am asking my Attorney General to create a special unit of federal prosecutors and leading state attorneys general to expand our investigations into the abusive lending and packaging of risky mortgages that led to the housing crisis. This new unit will hold accountable those who broke the law, speed assistance to homeowners, and help turn the page on an era of recklessness that hurt so many Americans…

As of right now, I’m not terribly inclined to cut the Obama campaign a check. (I figure that’s what corporations are for, right?) That would change in an instant, though, if we actually started seeing bankers being brought up on charges.

Posted in Corporate Crime, Politics, Uncategorized | Tagged class warfare, Financial Crimes Unit, food stamps, foreclosure, get the money out of Washington, GITMO, Guantánamo Bay, health care reform, higher education, income inequality, lobbying, Obama, Osama bin Laden, poverty, public option, State of the Union, tax the rich, the growing gap between rich and poor, the politics on envy, threats to the middle class, unions, Wall Street, welfare | 23 Comments

The Wurst Bar… tasty meat trumps trough urinals

By Mark | January 24, 2012

As you know, I have a policy against recommending establishments that force men to haul out their penises and dangle them over trough urinals. In spite of that, though, I’m going to encourage all of you to visit Ypsilanti’s newest watering hole, The Wurst Bar. While homemade bratwursts seem to be their speciality, I just tried the burger they call The Southerner, which is served with bacon, pimento cheese and a slice fried green tomato, and it was awesome. I’d like to say more about this place, their commitment to sourcing 85% of their ingredients locally, and the fact that the man in charge is easily angered, but all of that will have to wait for another time. Right now, I just need to collapse into a tater tot induced coma.