The other day, I caught part of an interview with our recently crowned Miss America, Laura Kaeppeler. I wouldn’t normally watch something like that, but she was talking about how she wanted to use her new celebrity to draw attention to the plight of children with incarcerated parents, and I guess I found that compelling. It seems her dad (seen here with her) did a year and a half in federal prison a few years back, and, since then, she’s been working through an organization that she started, called Circles of Support, to mentor the kids of inmates, and encourage them not to follow in their parents’ footsteps… Being suspicious, I, of course, questioned her sincerity, thinking that she’d probably just started the organization in order to have something interesting to talk about about on the beauty pageant circuit, but, as it still seemed like a good cause, that doesn’t get enough attention, I made a note to myself to mention it here someday… I didn’t, however, realize until this weekend that Ms. Kaeppeler and I had a bit of a connection.

I was sitting on a couch, next to my grandmother, when she asked me if I’d seen the Miss America competition. I told her I hadn’t, but that I’d seen the winner interviewed. My grandmother then asked if I knew where she was from. I told her that I didn’t. “She’s from Kenosha,” she said. “Her family went to church with Aunt Marilyn.” (Aunt Marilyn is my grandmother’s sister — my great-aunt.) Then, after a bit of a pause, she offered the following… “Her dad’s the one that stole Marilyn’s savings.”

So, yeah, it turns out that the new Miss America is the daughter of the man who offered to help my lovely and sweet aunt invest her money after the death of my uncle Frank, only to end up stealing a good portion of it. She wasn’t alone, either. Jeff Kaeppeler, along with his partners, are thought to have taken in over $6 million for real estate investments which, contrary to what they told people, didn’t really exist.

Kaeppeler was apparently on-hand in Las Vegas to see his daughter receive the Miss America crown, and announce to the world her desire to use the title to help kids of incarcerated parents. Here, with more on that, is a clip from an article about Jeff Kaeppeler’s past.

…Jeff Kaeppeler said in an interview with the AP that he and his family supported Laura’s decision to make this very personal subject matter her platform, even though they knew it would bring a lot of media attention. “We’ve seen this come full circle,” he said.

After his daughter’s win in Las Vegas last night, at which Jeff was present, wearing a tuxedo and beaming in the role of proud father, he said of Laura’s choice, “It taught us that God can turn everything into good if you let him”…

It’s probably worth noting at this point that, to my knowledge, my aunt has yet to be repaid what the proud, tuxedo-wearing Kaeppeler stole from her. I guess that’s my aunt’s fault, though. She must not have “let God in” so that he could turn everything around for the better.

And, yes, that was sarcasm.

Not only did this evil man take advantage of his role in the church to steal my aunt’s retirement savings, but, now, it seems, he’s back in God’s good graces, and reaping the benefits. Everything that was bad has been magically turned to good. That’s how powerful his connection to God is, you see… It’s so powerful that he doesn’t even have to pay back my aunt. All he had to do was “let God into his life.”

I’m sorry, but nothing pisses me off more than men like this — sanctimonious pieces of shit that like to wrap themselves up in the cloak of religious piety, and pass themselves off as upstanding pillars of the community, only to use that false perception to their advantge.

It’s like our old friend Newt, going out on the floor of the House and giving speeches about the importance of “family values” just minutes after having felt the forked, flicking tongue of his psycho reptilian lover make its way across his bloated body, behind the back of the wife, who had herself, at one time, been “the other woman” he’d carried on with behind the back of his first wife, as she was suffering with cancer.

Speaking of Newt, here’s my favorite quote:

“It doesn’t matter what I do. People need to hear what I have to say. There’s no one else who can say what I can say. It doesn’t matter what I live.”

Apparently that kind of stuff really resonates with the people of South Carolina. (Speaking of which, did I read somewhere today that 20% of South Carolinians believe that mixed race marriages should be illegal? Could that be true?)

Anyway, back to the subject of this post, it’s conceivable that, had my aunt not been ripped off by this man, his daughter never would have found her platform, and someone else would have won Miss America. Fortunately for us all, though, God had a plan.