Tag Archives: Mark’s penis

Talking erections at the doctor’s office

I went to the doctor a week or so ago for a long overdue physical. After exchanging a few pleasantries, the doctor, who was probably about ten years younger than me, laid me out on his table and poked around at me for a while, awkwardly asking the kinds of questions that you ask a […]

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The family photo that could get me into Congress

This is the best picture we’ve ever taken as a family. Our friend Leisa Thompson took it about a year ago. For reasons that still aren’t quite clear to me, we were hanging out inside a giant piece of sculpture at the time. We had a print of it made, and it’s hanging upstairs, about […]

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Are any of you good at dream interpretation? I need some help.

I had a very odd dream last night, and I’d like to have some help making sense of it. I was in a theater at Greenfield Village, which, to my knowledge, does not exist in real life. I was seated in the front row, to the right of the stage, with my friends Dan and […]

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Happy first birthday Arlo Lao Maynard

A year ago yesterday, Linette and I we welcomed our son Arlo into the world. Like his sister, once he made up his mind that he wanted to join us, he came shooting down the birth canal like a rocket. I think I must have mentioned it here before, but, eight years ago, when Linette […]

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To the gentleman in the Panera restroom, I’m sorry if I terrified and/or aroused you

As I try to narrate everything possible for the benefit of my 10 month old son, Arlo, I constantly find myself saying things that I wouldn’t normally say in the course of an ordinary day. I say things like, “Daddy is fully extending his pale, white arm, to scratch the ear of the old, grey […]

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