I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. I like the idea of being reflective, and giving serious thought as to how one might be able to do better in the year ahead, but, as a rule, I think they’re counterproductive, as they’re rarely kept, and just leave people feeling like shit. Perhaps more importantly, though, I think that people who talk publicly about New Year’s resolutions tend to be kind of douchey, especially when those resolutions revolve around losing weight. With that said, however, I want to share the following letter, which I sent to a few old friends early this last December, just after I’d decided, kind of on a whim, to change my diet for a while, in hopes of possibly making myself a less attractive target for those illnesses that come for people in their 50s. And I’ve decided to share it for two reasons. First, I’m hoping that some of you might have insights that will prove valuable to me as I continue to rethink how I’m going about this. And, second, I think it’s possible that someone out there may actually get something useful out of this. I should add, it pains me to be writing about personal shit like this, but, as something that I wrote not too long ago about getting a colonoscopy prompted someone I know to finally get one, setting in motion a chain of events that would see him diagnosed with, and treated for, cancer of the appendix, I’ve decided to just put this out there, even if it means running the risk of being perceived as a vain, weight-conscious douchebag… Anyway, here’s a slightly edited version of the letter I sent out to my friends Matt, Dan, Mike, and Dave at the beginning of last month.

…At least twice over the past ten years, I’ve given up everything for about a month. First, I did an elimination diet, to see if I could figure out if maybe something that I was eating was causing me to be anxious, and the other time I just did it because it felt like something that I should do… a kind of dietary reset. Both times, I cut out grains, dairy, corn, soy, processed foods, fried foods, sweets, peanuts, potatoes, fatty meats, alcohol, etc, and just lived on fruit, vegetables, nuts and lean meat. Nothing from a can, box, or bottle. Now people call it Whole 30, but I don’t think it was called that at the time. Or, if it was, I didn’t know about it.

And, as far as I can remember, I felt better when I did it. I also dropped quite a bit of weight both times, like 15 pounds or more, without any real exercise to speak of.

For the most part, my weight these past few decades has fluctuated between 190 and 200. And I’ve come to develop a kind of built-in sense of when I’m approaching maximum acceptable volume. I’ll spare you the specifics, but I generally just know when I hit the 200-mark, and that’s where I pretty much draw the line. And, when I feel myself crossing that line, I put systems in place to drop back below the 200-mark. I watch what I eat for a while, drop down a few pounds, and forget about it until I notice that I’m crossing the line again. This system has worked for the most part, but now I’m wondering if I might improve my overall health by moving the ceiling of what I consider acceptable from 200 to 185. Or, actually, maybe that should be 183, which, according to the guidelines I’ve been able to find, is the heaviest “healthy” weight for a man who’s 6-feet tall.

For what it’s worth, I’m not so sure that I’m 6-feet tall anymore. I think, after five decades of being beaten down by life, I’ve lost an inch, but let’s pretend for a moment that I still am. According to the numbers I’ve found online, the acceptable “healthy” BMI for a man of 6-feet tall, is between 18.5 and 24.9, which translates to a weight range of 140 to 183. [If I really am 5′-11″, the “healthy” range drops, becoming 136 to 178. So, maybe I should shoot for 178, but I think, for my purposes, that 183 is good enough for now.]

So, in hopes of lessening my chances of acquiring cancer, while cutting down on my back pain, my GERD, and maybe even my anxiety, I’ve decided to once again cut everything bad for me from my diet. [This time, I’ve decided to keep potatoes, corn, and some dairy (yogurt and buttermilk) and grains (steel cut oats), but otherwise it’s pretty much the same as what I’ve done in the past.] The only difference is, this time I want to keep at it longer than a month, and try to put some kind of system in place for once I get down to what I consider a healthy weight.

As for right now, I’m about five days in. Maybe I should have started after the holidays, but I thought that I’d at least try to do a week or two and see how it goes. The cravings for bread and cheese are still pretty intense, but otherwise things seem to be going OK.

So the thing I’m questioning right now is how I should move forward once I drop the weight, assuming that I can lose the 20 pounds. [I had to go the doctor a few weeks ago for an earache, and I weighed in at 205. The last time I was there, a few months ago, with a really bad, persistent cough, I was 199.9. I should have adjusted then, but I didn’t.] Anyway, assuming I can get from 205 to 183, or 185, which I think should be a pretty healthy weight for me, my question is, “What do I have to do to reset the ceiling, so that both my body, and my mind, come to accept that as the top end of what’s acceptable?”

And there are a few things tied up in that. First, I’ve heard that it takes the human body at least a year to reset what it thinks of as its ideal, normal weight. I suppose that could be bullshit, but my sense is that my body feels as though 200 is the weight that I’m supposed to me, and it keeps pushing me back to that point. [It’s hard to overcome the genetic fear of famine, I suppose.] And, second, I’m thinking about the kind of life that I want to live. I don’t really relish the idea of always weighing myself, and I don’t really have the time to hit the gym too often. In other words, I don’t want a big lifestyle change from what I have right now… Like I said, I just want to reset the ceiling so that 185 is the new 200, if that makes sense.

I should add that, generally speaking, I’m better with firm rules. I was good, for instance, at being a vegan. Until I gave it up, I was pretty adamant about it. [I don’t think I cheated for about five years, until things slowly started falling apart with that first shrimp that I ate in Savannah back in about ‘97.] So I’m thinking that, going forward, I may want to make some rules, especially around white flour, which, I do think, may contribute to my anxiety and depression. For instance, once I’ve gone through this, should I drop beer for wine, and cut down the gluten to two meals a week?

I know that’s kind of all over the place, but thanks for hearing me though as I work this out.

Stay healthy, and fuck cancer,
Mark

OK, we’re now about a month in, and I’ve dropped from 205 to 193. 12 pounds in 4 weeks… I didn’t think I’d make it through the holidays without so much as a beer or a cookie, but I guess I felt strongly enough about this… At any rate, having gone a month, I’m thinking about keeping it going for a little while longer, and seeing if I can maybe reach 180, and then seeing if I can put some rules in place to stay within the range of 180 to 185 for a solid year. I may fail spectacularly. A weekend in New Orleans, I’m sure, would put me right back at 200, but I figure that I’ll at least give it a decent shot.

And I probably should have said it right up front, but, by posting this, I’m not saying “being fat is bad.” My intention isn’t to make anyone else feel bad about their size, what they eat, etc. I’m just saying that, for me, I think I’ve come to the realization that I should probably eat less and be smaller. [To my knowledge, the only scientifically-proven way to lengthen human life is through the reduction of calories consumed.] And, yes, these are the kinds of things one thinks about upon turning 50, and hearing, almost every week, about another friend or acquaintance who has fallen victim to cancer, or some other dread disease. I know, of course, that it’s no guarantee that, if I lose the weight and keep it off, I’ll live any longer, or that the quality of my life will improve, but I figure it’s worth a shot, if only to demonstrate to my kids that I tried… One more thing. I should probably add, as I’m sure that someone will bring it up, that the accepted BMI guidelines could well be bullshit. People are different, and what might be a healthy weight for one person, may not be a healthy weight for another. With that said, though, I feel quite a bit better at 193 than I did at 205, and I suspect I’ll feel better still at 183, if I can keep this up for a little while longer.

As I suspect people will ask more about this “diet” of mine, here are the main rules as they presently stand, as well as what’s changed since I first set out on this course at the end of November… Like I said in the note to my friends above, I set out to eliminate flour, fried foods, sweets and alcohol from my diet. And I’ve done all that, with one exception. I decided about two weeks in to allow tortilla chips, which are fried. I probably could have fought the urge, but I wanted something crunchy in the soups that I was making, so I decided to make an exception. I also haven’t been a terrible stickler about dairy, having now eaten cheese on about half a dozen occasions. And, it’s probably worth noting that, while I gave myself an exception for steel cut oats, I’ve made it thus far without resorting to them, opting instead to have smoothies for breakfast. [My smoothies generally contain some combination of kale, beet greens, collard greens, carrots, celery, berries, banana, hemp seed, chia seed, flax seed, apple, beet, tumeric and ginger.] It’s probably also worth mentioning that I’ve tried to stop eating by 7:00 each night.

Here, in a nutshell, are the primary tenants… No sugar. No wheat. No alcohol. A smoothie a day. And nothing after 7:00.

And, by just doing that, I’ve been losing about 3 pounds a week. And I’ve probably only exercised about four times over the past month. So any weight loss I’ve seen has all been due to those simple, straightforward dietary changes. [Oh, here’s a really good recipe for red lentil and beet green soup, for anyone who might be interested.]

So, with all of that said, I have a few questions… First, as I mentioned yesterday, my anxiety has been pretty bad this past week or so, and I’m wondering if it might have anything to do with this change in diet. Specifically, I’m wondering if maybe my brain is getting the signal from my body that it’s starving to death or something. It’s actually not so urgent of a question right now, as my mood has been improving over the past 48 hours, but I am wondering if maybe this diet of mine was exacerbating my anxiety. Personally, I think it probably has more to do with the holidays, and being off my normal schedule, but I suppose it’s possible that my my brain, having now seen me walk away from literally hundreds of free cookies, slices of cake, and tumblers of whiskey, has decided to intervene by taking me out of service. At any rate, if you have thoughts, I’d love to hear them. And, second, I’m wondering what new system I should put in place on the other end of this, assuming I can eventually get myself back down to a healthier weight. Is a “gluten twice a week” rule tenable? Is life worth living without ice cream? …I could go on, but I need to go downstairs and check on my soup stock. I think you probably get the point, though, right?