Valentine’s Day on the Saturday Six Pack… the “Classy Vagina” episode

SixPack5studio3

As last week’s drunken mess of a show was a little too male-centric, I made a concerted effort to bring more women into the studio this past Saturday. Naively, I expected that doing so would result in less bawdy, more family-friendly show. I was wrong. The show was pretty filthy. But it was also super fun. If you’d like to check out the archived recording, you can do so either by way of Soundcloud or iTunes. Or, of course, you can listen to it right here.

[If you do listen on iTunes, do me a favor and leave a review, OK? As it is, they say they’ve “not received enough ratings to display an average” and I really want to know if we’re knocking ourselves out to make a one-star program or a three-star program.]

Here, for those of you who refuse to listen, are my rough notes as to what was covered during this, our fifth episode of The Saturday Six Pack.

We started the show off by opening a few Bell’s Two Hearted Ales with local pianist Ann Dahl, a whiskey-drinking lover of honkey tonk, who, when she’s not playing host at the Mix Studio piano lounge, enjoys “going down rabbit holes” with various men she meets around Ypsilanti. Among other things, Dahl told us the best and worst places in Ypsi to pick up men. (Sidetrack and Wurst Bar topped one of those lists. Smarty Katz and Maidstone topped the other.) Dahl recounted several of her adventures, which included a date with a prominent Ann Arbor attorney who liked to have intimate relations with butternut squash. We took calls, doled out Valentine’s Day advice, and encouraged people to be happy with themselves. Here’s Ann talking about the best part of Ypsi being EMU’s ability to keep brining new, young college boys to town for her enjoyment.

SixPack5Ann

At the 29-minute mark, Linda Ann Jordan, Caleb Elijah-Molejo Zweifler and Jim Cherewick, who perform together as Best Exes, came in to wish us a happy holiday and play a few lovely songs for us. We discussed what it means to be a good ex, the fleeting nature of love, and, for some reason, the career choices of Nicholas Cage. They couldn’t stay long, as they had to hustle across the street to Beezy’s, to perform at the Bleeding Heart Bonanza, but it was nice while it lasted. (The two songs they performed were “Friends” and “Cactuses.”) Oh, and we talked for quite a wile about the evolution of the local music scene in the wake of Woodruff’s having closed… Here’s Jim making some beautiful music.

SixPack5Cherewick

One of the best things about this show, I think, was the number of calls that we had. One of the best came at the 45-minute mark, while Best Exes was still in the studio. A man called to tell us about a date he’d gone on with a dominatrix that he’d met on MySpace. After taking him to K-Mart and forcing him to buy a razor and shave, because she didn’t like his stubble, she slapped him in the face, kissed him, and grabbed his balls so tightly that he had no choice but to end the date. I don’t know if he took Jim up on the offer, but Jim asked him to come to Beezy’s for a hug. (Jim says he wants to stop by the show again in the future, so we’ll have to ask him if the guy actually came out for his hug.)

And here’s Linda, drinking beer from a dixie cup, and telling us about how, earlier in the evening, she thought she may have been mistaken for a drag queen.

SixPack5Linda

Then, at the 50-minute mark, we played the most recent song by our friend Pete Larson, who is currently doing research on the transmission of livestock diseases in Kenya. It may be the first love song ever written by Pete Larson.

At the top of the second hour, I talked with Heather Steenrod from Ozone House. She was supposed to come into the studio, but, after half an hour of trying to dig her car out, she gave up and called in. We talked about homelessness within our local LGBT youth population, and what Ozone house was doing to help. She also offered two free tickets to Ozone’s upcoming February 18 wine, cheese and chocolate fundraiser at Vinology, which we awarded later in the show to Paige Briana, who I’m hoping will call in this coming weekend and tell us how it went. (Did you know that, while just one in ten kids identify as being LGBT, LGBT kids make up 40% of the homeless youth population in Washtenaw County?) Heather, before hanging up, also mentioned that she loved my wife, which led, in turn, to a number of texts, calls and tweets from folks who apparently also love my wife. (Linette, among other things, does graphic design work for Ozone House.)

Then, at 1:05, Brigid Mooney came in with Moragh Goyette, one of her favorite customers from the Wurst Bar. Moragh and I chatted for a while about kilts, swords, and the like, until finally hitting on the subject of vaginas, at which point things kind of got out of hand. Here’s Goyette asking a flushed and screaming Brigid Mooney if she’d “classed up” her vagina for Valentine’s Day. It was hilariously funny, but I felt terrible for Brigid. (We also talked about the possibility of classing up a penis with a monocle and a tiny top hat.)

SixPack5Moragh

If you’d just like to hear Brigid screaming, fast forward to 1:29. For what it’s worth, I talked with Brigid afterward, and she says she had a great time, and plans to return next week with another one of her favorite, funny customers from the Wurst Bar… Oh, and for what it’s worth, I was just joking when I suggested that people should send in songs they’re written about Brigid and her classy vagina.

And lots of other stuff happened… At 1:21, we called a woman named Sue in Brighton about her online dating horror stories. At 1:34, we played the song “I Love You” by Prehensile Monkeytailed Skink. At 1:37, Ann Dahl and I began the process of winding down the show, comparing notes on what had been covered and exploring the possibilities of what the show could become. At 1:48, it occurred to me that I don’t have to really be in the studio to host the show, as long as the studio phone is working. I could just call the studio on my cell phone and then go wherever I want, I said. I could walk across the street to Beezy’s and order soup while on the phone, and then I could go next door to Deja Vu to ask about their plans for this summer’s big Mellonfest event… while slurping soup. It was truly a revelation, and I can’t wait to explore the possibilities. And, at 1:58, after saying that I’d like it if someone would call in and read Fifty Shades of Grey to me, the phone rang, and a woman who, for obvious reasons, chose to remain nameless, began reading. It was truly wonderful… especially as she had an animal of some kind on the background screeching. (She said it was a bird, but I think it was a monkey.) Oh, and at some point D’Real Graham popped in to drop off a bag of gifts for me, which was really sweet.

All in all, I’d say it was a good show… We even had two visits from the guy who just calls and plays songs by the Who.

Oh, I didn’t mention it on the air, but one of my kids, as I was leaving the house to go to the show, asked if I would be “mating” with people during the program. I assured everyone in my family that I would not. (It turns out, this child of mine meant to ask if I’d be matchmaking.)

A big thank you to Brian Robb who makes sure that the station’s bills are paid, and to my AM 1700 co-worker Kate de Fuccio, who took all of the photos above.

Tune in this coming Saturday for episode six… And do leave a review on iTunes if you get a chance.

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34 Comments

  1. Quinn
    Posted February 16, 2015 at 9:43 pm | Permalink

    I enjoy the queerer, naughtier version of the show. Bring on the Ypsi drag queens. You’d need more than a six pack, though.

  2. Posted February 16, 2015 at 10:36 pm | Permalink

    Sycophants and toadies.

  3. Posted February 16, 2015 at 10:53 pm | Permalink

    Funny you should say that. I was thinking about bringing some drag queens into the mix, Quinn. I’d like, as much as possible, to have the show be inclusive, and reflective of our community as a whole… and not just a place for my “toadies and sycophants” to high-five each other.

  4. Posted February 16, 2015 at 10:57 pm | Permalink

    I should also say that I put the black bars over the eyes of the folks in the top photo not because they asked to be anonymous, but because they were all staring in different directions, and it looked weird… And I thought it would be kind of funny to imply that they were embarrassed to be on the program.

  5. Posted February 17, 2015 at 7:13 am | Permalink

    I was listening to the show. Then, the song “I love you” by PMS came on, and, at first i completely hated it. Then, 20 seconds later, I realized that it wasn’t hate, it was love. I totally love that song. I have to hear it again. I can’t find it on YouTube. Please, be kind and let us have a link to the song you played, otherwise, you create song junkies that can’t get a fix, know what i mean?

    oh, and reading the comments above, i realize that i have had a similar thought about beer quantity for the show. my reasoning is seasonal. As it is now still light out at 6 pm (and will get even brighter with the time change coming in 3 weeks), I usually feel like being OUTSIDE at 6pm. This presents a problem for listening to your show, as I don’t have a device that can stream outside. I was thinking that since the subject matter you so selflessly tackle is more of the adult genre, maybe you could call it the somethingorother 12 pack… work towards alliteration, you know? lol

  6. Penis Monocle
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 7:38 am | Permalink

    We do exist.

    (Proceed with caution.)

    http://blog-cdn.tattoodo.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image53.jpg?2dc265

  7. anonymous
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 9:11 am | Permalink

    Is there a lot of sex in Frog Island Park? Is that a thing?

  8. Lynne
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 10:57 am | Permalink

    Love the show! I am going to miss the show on the 28th if you’re having one because I am going to play Drag Queen Bingo at the Tap Room that night. All I can say is that I *love* Ypsilanti and I don’t even care if that means people think I am toady or a sycophant.

  9. Eel
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 11:02 am | Permalink

    I don’t think Drag Queen Bingo starts before 6:00. Maybe they’d stop by for a beer first.

  10. Ypsiosauras Rex
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    “I’d like, as much as possible, to have the show be inclusive, and reflective of our community as a whole… and not just a place for my “toadies and sycophants”…

    Mark, c’mon – you’re so disingenuous! Based on your description of the guests and the pictures you would think Ypsi is full of white, beer drinking creative types. You seem to be blind to the actual demographic of this city. It’s hard to take you seriously when you do seem to surround yourself with “toadies and sycophants”.

  11. anonymous
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 1:15 pm | Permalink

    I think it’s only natural that, when you start a show like this, you begin with people you know and then you widen the circle. With that said, I think an effort has been made to be inclusive. There have been both black and gay guests. There have been a lot of women. There has even been a hippie. And, if we are to believe the comment above, there is a willingness to have on drag queens. I’d say that things are trending in the right direction.

  12. Complaint Department
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

    WHERE ARE THE ELDERLY ASIANS, MARK MAYNARD!!!!

  13. Tony
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 1:43 pm | Permalink

    I have to agree with Rex. Fuck creative types. Fuck people who do things to make the community better. Focus on bringing in people who don’t do anything. People who hate you. I want more anger. Stop making Ypsi look like a place where creative people are having a good time and working to make the community more liveable. Start interviewing slumlords and criminals. Interview everyone, or interview no one. There is no middle ground. Asshole.

  14. Posted February 17, 2015 at 2:31 pm | Permalink

    I think the show is fine.

  15. Mr. X
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 3:43 pm | Permalink

    Peter Larson is of Native American descent, and he’s on every week!

  16. Concerned Reader
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 4:44 pm | Permalink

    I would disagree that creative types are necessarily making the community “more liveable” or “better”…maybe for flannel salespersons and people who sell beard wax, but mostly they just drive up the rents. I find that garbagemen, postal carriers, teachers, the cable guy who connect the interwebs, and the cashiers at local supermarkets who sell food, as well as farmers who make it, are really the ones making the community “better” and more liveable. Have some farmers on the show…well, it’s Ypsilanti, so maybe they’ll be more like weed farmers for the dispensaries… But one thing a farmer ain’t is…you guessed it…a farmer ain’t a toady, ain’t a sycophant.

  17. Kat
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 5:20 pm | Permalink

    You must be listening to a different show. I don’t think Matt Siegfried, Katrease Stafford or Krystal wore flannel or waxed their beards.

  18. Ypsiosauras Rex
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 5:23 pm | Permalink

    It’s Marks blog and he can interact with whoever he chooses. I just find his continued “inclusive” remarks at odds with what I read and see. Don’t claim to represent the Ypsi community when you don’t.

    Yes, in fact, some “elderly Asians” would be nice. Try Mr. Shin of Trojan dry cleaners. Or the owners of Dos Hermanos or a local (weed) farmer, a mail carrier, a garbage collector. Or just stop trying to portray Ypsi as a hipster enclave when it really isn’t.

  19. Posted February 17, 2015 at 6:10 pm | Permalink

    I know I shouldn’t respond, but here I go.

    What I said was, “I’d like, as much as possible, to have the show be inclusive, and reflective of our community as a whole.” I didn’t say that the show was reflective of our community. I said that I’d like for it to be. And I stand by that. That’s a goal that I think we should all have for the endeavors we’re involved in. We should all push for greater inclusion.

    But, you’re right, the show, as it exists today, is not a perfect reflection of Ypsilanti. Alas, I did not solve all of society’s ills in these first five two-hour episodes. Racism still exists. And walls still divide us from one another. I’m sorry to have failed you.

    I’d like to think, however, that we’re moving in the right direction.

    While we didn’t undo centuries of evil in these first five shows, we did accomplish something good, I think. We got a lot of people who wouldn’t perhaps normally talk together to come in and talk. And, contrary to what some folks have said, these weren’t all my friends… or, to use your terminology, sycophants and toadies. I didn’t really know Ann, Caleb, Linda or Moragh before this last show began. And, with the exception of maybe two or three callers, I don’t think I knew any of them either. I’m not blocking people with opposing viewpoints from calling. And, no matter how much you repeat it, I’m not just booking guests who are white men.

    I’m booking people who I think will be good guests, and have interesting things to say. And, yes, sometimes they’ll be white men. And sometimes they won’t. If that’s troubling to you, do something about it. Start a podcast of your own. Interview people on a blog. Or, let me know who you’d like to hear from on the show. Don’t just yell at me for having what you perceive to be the wrong people. If you really see this as a problem, I’m willing to consider your ideas. Don’t, however, just say that I only bring in people who look like me, when that’s clearly not the case. (I’m sure it breaks Katrease’s heart every time one of you says I only have on guests who look like me.)

    One last thing, you have no idea who I’ve asked to be on the show, or what I’m doing behind the scenes. You don’t know about the emails I’ve traded with folks at 826, for instance, about getting local kids (of all colors) to participate in some way. And you don’t know about the attempts I’ve made to get the guys from Dos Hermanos to come in. So, before you start accusing me of stuff, maybe send me an email first, and ask a question or two.

    With all of that said, I love the idea about interviewing people who have “ordinary” jobs, like letter carriers and garbage collectors. How about a dishwasher, someone who stocks shelves, someone who teaches piano, and someone brews beer?

    Oh, wait, we talked to people who do all of those jobs on last week’s show.

    Just because someone walks in with a guitar, or has a tattoo, don’t assume that they’re just some kind of trust fund hipster who aspires to one day have a waxed beard and monocle. These are real people, who, once they’re done working, go out make stuff happen. And that, in my opinion, is awesome. Pick on me all you want, but don’t belittle people who bust their asses all day, and then turn around and make stuff on their own time. We need more people like them, not fewer.

    With all of that said, I’d love to talk with more farmers. If you have suggestions, let me know. I’ve been wanting to do that since I interviewed the folks at Argus Farm Stop, and I just haven’t gotten very far. (I did write to two farmers and ask for interviews, but neither got back to me. One raised heritage hogs. I can’t remember what the other one did.)

    Here’s a link to my interview with Argus, for those of you who might have missed it.
    http://markmaynard.com/2014/09/the-argus-farm-stop/

  20. Sycophant
    Posted February 17, 2015 at 10:48 pm | Permalink

    Well said, Mark.

  21. Posted February 17, 2015 at 11:59 pm | Permalink

    The criticisms here are ridiculous. I think these people have been listening to the wrong show.

  22. Posted February 18, 2015 at 12:04 am | Permalink

    I will point out that, though I am not from Ypsi, I have no tattoos and never wax my beard. In fact, I barely cut it.

    Why can’t a farmer be a toadie or a sycophant? I’ve met a lot of farmers. They are a really diverse bunch.

  23. Concerned Reader
    Posted February 18, 2015 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    You might not have a tattoo and waxed beard, but you’re still Toady #1, Pete. Try not following up a Mark post for once.

  24. Posted February 18, 2015 at 9:42 am | Permalink

    Interesting.

  25. XXX
    Posted February 18, 2015 at 10:13 am | Permalink

    Was that really your response to Mark’s comment, Concerned Reader? Is that the best that you’ve got?

  26. Concerned Reader
    Posted February 18, 2015 at 11:21 am | Permalink

    toad·y
    ˈtōdē/Submit
    noun
    1.
    a person who behaves obsequiously to someone important.
    synonyms: sycophant, brown-noser, lickspittle, flatterer, flunky, lackey, trained seal, doormat, stooge, cringer; More
    verb
    verb: toady; 3rd person present: toadies; past tense: toadied; past participle: toadied; gerund or present participle: toadying
    1.
    act in an obsequious way.
    “she imagined him toadying to his rich clients”
    synonyms: grovel to, ingratiate oneself with, be obsequious to, kowtow to, pander to, crawl to, truckle to, bow and scrape to, curry favor with, make up to, fawn on/over, slaver over, flatter, adulate, suck up to, lick the boots of, butter up
    “she imagined him toadying to his rich clients”

  27. XXX
    Posted February 18, 2015 at 12:16 pm | Permalink

    So you won’t be responding to Mark’s comment?

  28. Concerned Reader
    Posted February 18, 2015 at 2:05 pm | Permalink

    How I am I supposed to respond to Mark’s comment?

    “Mark, you are right. I agree with you” *

    * BTW, you’re a great guy, it’s just your followers I can’t frickin’ stand.

    Signed,
    C.R.

  29. XXX
    Posted February 18, 2015 at 2:29 pm | Permalink

    You’ve gone on and on about how he only has white male toadies on his show and he’s responded to you a few time now pointing out the non straight white males he’s had on and reiterating that he doesn’t even know many of the guests prior to taping. You have also said that he should have on guests with real jobs (not just hipsters) to which he’s responded with a list of the “real” jobs his guests have held. I wanted you to acknowledge this.

  30. Concerned Reader
    Posted February 18, 2015 at 5:25 pm | Permalink

    Actually the white male thing was another commenter. I just referred to everyone as sycophants and toadies, because that’s what you all look like to me jumping up to respond to every little criticism.

    I just thought you all * seemed like a bunch of pretentious boobs full of yourselves * and figured a good trolling would touch a nerve.

    I see I was correct in that assumption.

    * except Mark. He seems legit.

  31. Frosted Flakes
    Posted February 18, 2015 at 6:55 pm | Permalink

    Concerned Reader,
    People are shameless self promoters and social climbers. We are in the age of commodification of self via Facebook, Twitter and Instagram–it is a fact of our current way of being…If some of that grossness is on display on Mark’s radio show why should that be such a huge surprise? I find the high standard you hold Mark up to–while simultaneously putting his friends/ guests down to be off base and down right creepy…(I am actually a little bit concerned with the fact that you go out of your way to let Mark know he is the only “legit” one because it really comes off as creepy.) Mark has an AM radio show. From an outside perspective his show seems sometimes funny, sometimes interesting, sometimes boring, but who really cares?? It is his show and he should do whatever he wants to do with it.

  32. Posted February 19, 2015 at 12:23 am | Permalink

    Whew. I’m glad we all got a good trolling.

    CR (or “Dan”) should start a radio show and a blog.

  33. Robert
    Posted February 22, 2015 at 12:26 pm | Permalink

    A few episodes back, when I realized it wasn’t the Puppet hosting, I quickly lost interest and haven’t listened since.

  34. Concerned Reader
    Posted February 23, 2015 at 8:33 pm | Permalink

    Frosted Flakes,

    I’m glad I creeped you out. That makes my trolling expedition all the more expeditious. I usually strive for annoying gadflyness or simple garden variety “wtf” (which toady#1 Petey L gets…) but to actually move into Creep territory…well well..that’s a laurel for me. I win the Gibby Haynes Sweepstakes. I’d like to thank the Academy for Tony the Tiger taking me way too seriously.

    Adieu, for now.

    [This message typed on 4G from the bushes outside Frosted Flakes bedroom window]

4 Trackbacks

  1. […] come through for us, but I’m told that local song and dance man Jim Cherewick, who came in and visited us during last week’s show with his band Best Exes, is, at this very minute, working on a new theme song for The Saturday Six […]

  2. By The Saturday Six Pack Holiday Special on December 17, 2015 at 11:21 pm

    […] be to die on Kelley’s Island, and that time her friend Morath Goethe came on the show and talked about her vagina. We hugged. And, when Jason showed up, we debated the pros and cons of drinking on the […]

  3. […] is a short interview I conducted earlier today with event organizer Linda Jordan and 826michigan Executive Director Amanda Uhle on what we can expect over the five days of the […]

  4. […] [If you’re interested, you can hear Annie’s last visit to the show here, and Linda’s here. Annie, as I recall, talked about fern sperm, and Linda performed with her band Best Exes.] For […]

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