Gals having sex with aspirin between their knees…. will it evolve into the meme to end all memes?

Rick Santorum’s old, white, incredibly rich, evangelical patron, Foster Friess, made the news this afternoon when he told MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell, in response to a question about his candidate’s Puritanical views on sex and contraception, and how they’re likely to go over with American voters, offered a piece of sage advice on the subject of women’s health. Back when he was young, he said, women had a foolproof form of birth control, that was so inexpensive that it didn’t need to be covered by insurance. The miracle drug, according to Friess, was Baer Aspirin. “The gals,” he said, to the absolute astonishment of Mitchell, would simply “put it between their knees.”

As you might imagine, the internet lit up immediately. Women, rightfully, were angry to hear this rich, old man presuming to tell them how to live their lives, and conduct themselves in their bedrooms. After the initial shock wore off, the instinctive anger people were feeling seemed to give way to more thoughtful responses. The “I’d like to shove an aspirin right up this old man’s ass” comments, at least among my friends, gave way to more thoughtful discussions on the history of women’s reproductive freedom, and these recent threats posed by the likes of Santorum, who has, on several occasions, indicated that individual states should be given the opportunity to outlaw contraception. And, by this evening, I noticed that women were starting to embrace the aspirin meme, and claim it for their own. One friend sent around a picture of an aspirin held tight between her knees, and another pointed out the flaw in Friess’s inexpensive health care plan for women. To paraphrase, she said something like, “I’m pretty sure I can have sex with my knees together.” And that’s what got me wondering whether or not we might be standing on the precipice of the most filthy politically-motivated internet meme ever. Might we wake up in the morning, to find the internet bursting at the seems with videos of women having sex while holding aspirin between their knees? Or, if not video, maybe just photo galleries of sweaty, happy, satisfied women with chalky white aspirin residue on the insides of their knees…

If I worked for Baer Aspirin, I’d be all over this in a heartbeat, buying up advertising time, and hiring a celebrity spokesperson. (Bristol Palin, I think, would make a great campaign spokesperson.)

And here’s the video or Friess.

If you want to send him your empty aspirin bottles, here’s his address:

115 E. Snow King Avenue
PO Box 9790
Jackson WY, 83002

[Tonight’s post is brought to you by Congresswomen Carolyn Maloney and Eleanor Holmes Norton, who awesomely got up and walked out of a House oversight committee hearing on contraceptive coverage this morning, accusing Chairman Darrell Issa of blocking female witnesses from testifying.]

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  1. Edward
    Posted February 17, 2012 at 10:32 am | Permalink

    You make it sound as though there’s a position other than missionary.

  2. Walt
    Posted February 17, 2012 at 10:54 am | Permalink

    Is an aspirin between your legs code for anal sex?

    If it is, then I’d agree it’s a pretty cheap form of contraception.

  3. Meta
    Posted February 17, 2012 at 11:03 am | Permalink

    I haven’t seen any videos online yet, but I did find an interesting old Bayer ad, showing a women asking her doctor for aspirin. It looks like it’s from the 20’s. I imagine her intention is to use it for holding her legs together.

  4. K2
    Posted February 17, 2012 at 11:29 am | Permalink

    Think Progress is a good resource for information on the war against contraception (which I thought had been waged and lost 60 years ago). They’ve got a great chart showing where each of the Republican candidates stand on various related issues, that you can find here.

    Here’s the intro.

    Conservatives have launched an all-out assault on affordable access to birth control, but their war on women’s health care doesn’t stop at contraception. We’ve compiled a chart showing the extreme positions on women’s health care issues that the four remaining GOP presidential contenders have taken. To a man, they oppose everything from no-cost coverage for cancer screenings to the elimination of domestic violence as a preexisting condition.

  5. Lynne
    Posted February 17, 2012 at 1:02 pm | Permalink

    I guess Foster Friess never heard of doggy style. I hope someone who gets knocked up will sue him on the grounds that they tried his birth control method and it failed. hahaha.

  6. John Galt
    Posted February 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm | Permalink

    Where will we draw the line? Today, it’s women wanting to have control of their own vaginas. Who’s to say that tomorrow it wont be a Planned Parenthood abortionplex in every town?

  7. Eel
    Posted February 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm | Permalink

    See also:

    “Panel Chosen to Discuss Viagra Distribution”

  8. Eel
    Posted February 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm | Permalink

    And here’s the photo of the men on the birth control panel:

  9. John Mateyko
    Posted February 18, 2012 at 11:38 am | Permalink

    So your response went from fantasies of violence, to ‘thoughtful discussions’ , to pornography — and you think you’re enlightened??? You’re a hero of the left.

  10. Posted February 18, 2012 at 12:15 pm | Permalink

    Yes. At least that’s what my business cards say. “Hero of the Left.” Then, below that, it says, “Defender of Ypsilanti.”

    As for my responses going from fantasies of violence to thoughtful discussions on women’s health, I think you misunderstood. I was simply recounting the responses that I was seeing from female friends on-line. I’ll admit to the pornification of the discussion, though. Based on what I was seeing, I thought that there was a good chance that women would start making love with aspirin between their knees, and sharing their experiences online. As I studied the evolution of American intellectual thought in college, I feel uniquely qualified to make such predictions… Now, I’m going to head over the internet and see if I was right… Thanks for the reminder, John.

  11. Livin It
    Posted February 19, 2012 at 2:49 am | Permalink

    Heads down, asses up. Aspirin between the knees.
    Sounds like a gangsta rap song.
    Like one of those girls’ night out photos when the ladies look away and show “group cunt” for the camera.

  12. Alice Krum
    Posted February 19, 2012 at 8:32 am | Permalink

    Another way to keep from getting pregnant is to keep Andrea Mitchell firmly between one’s knees.

  13. Alice Krum
    Posted February 19, 2012 at 8:38 am | Permalink

    I was unfamiliar with the term “group cunt” so I looked it up.

  14. Livin It
    Posted February 20, 2012 at 1:27 am | Permalink

    Haha. No not that group, Alice.
    Group cunt pictures are those things girls take when they get a little dirty together. You know, the lipstick lesbians going crazy at the campsite or slumber party or whatever. Like a group hug but backwards and in just panties. I would find a link maybe, but it would have to be NSFW.

  15. Meta
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 2:31 pm | Permalink

    Salon on Friess and the other big donors propping up the Republican candidates.

    Have you heard of William Dore, Foster Friess, Sheldon Adelson, Harold Simmons, Peter Thiel or Bruce Kovner? If not, let me introduce them to you. They’re running for the Republican nomination for president.

    I know, I know. You think Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul and Mitt Romney are running. They are – but only because the people listed in the first paragraph have given them huge sums of money to do so. In a sense, Santorum, Gingrich, Paul and Romney are the fronts. Dore et al. are the real investors.

    According to January’s Federal Election Commission report, William Dore and Foster Friess supplied more than three-fourths of the $2.1 million raked in by Rick Santorum’s super PAC in January. Dore, president of the Dore Energy Corp. in Lake Charles, La., gave $1 million; Freiss, a fund manager based in Jackson Hole, Wyo., gave $669,000 (he had given the Santorum super PAC $331,000 last year, bringing Freiss’ total to $1 million).

    Sheldon Adelson and his wife, Miriam, provided $10 million of the $11 million that went into Gingrich’s super PAC in January. Adelson is chairman of the Las Vegas Sands Corp. Texas billionaire Harold Simmons donated $500,000.

    The rest of the story:

  16. Posted March 3, 2012 at 12:28 pm | Permalink

    The meme has evolved into a Tumblr of sexual positions involving aspirin. Obviously NSFW, and normally not appropriate for this blog, but I think it’s justified in the circumstances:

  17. Posted March 3, 2012 at 12:50 pm | Permalink

    So far, it doesn’t look as though anyone has submitted photos… I look forward, however, to the prospect of being proven right once again. Thanks for the heads-up, Mr. Coward.

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