Which Wendy’s Location are You? …the online quiz that’ll surely make me rich

A week or so ago, in a post about how much I despise the Buzzfeed quizzes that are slowly choking the life out of the internet, I speculated that, in the not too distant future, we’ll likely arrive at a point where media companies begin partnering with corporations to offer specialty quizzes intended to reinforce their brand identities. (In my example, I used a specific brand of cling peaches in heavy syrup, but it could really be anything.) And it got me thinking… As long as it’s inevitable, why don’t I do it and make all of the money for myself… So, with that in mind, I sent the following four panels to the Wendy’s corporation just now, with a suggestion that they buy me a first class ticket to Dublin, Ohio so that we can chew on cigars together and sketch out a campaign to take out Burger King. I’ll keep you posted, but I think this could be really huge. Who, after all, wouldn’t want to take a “Which Wendy’s Location Are You” quiz?





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  1. Posted February 17, 2014 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

    I haven’t worked out all the questions for the “Which Wendy’s Location are You” quiz yet, but I think it’ll start with, “What’s your favorite state?” and then go from there, ultimately ending with something like, “Which do you like better, even numbered highway exits, or odd numbered ones?”

  2. Joe Montgomery
    Posted February 17, 2014 at 9:58 pm | Permalink

    I got Veins. Which Wendy’s-themed work of fiction are you?


  3. Posted February 18, 2014 at 3:08 am | Permalink

    Does anyone else remember the Super Bar at Wendy’s? I miss the shit out of that thing.

    Also, does anyone remember what the internet used to be like? It is easy to romanticize the past but it certainly has gotten a lot more commercial and full of stupid people. A few years ago I could watch a show virtually commercial free until the very end or beginning. Now I sit through shows with normal commercial breaks that often air the same ad five times in a row every break. It’s like they’re slowly beating advertising into my subconscious through repetition. And I have noticed a distinct increase in click bait and poor quality content as real news and objective journalism is vanishing. These quizzes are at the heart of something extremely dark but I’m not quite sure of what that is.

    But one thing I CAN be sure of is that Buzzfeed quizzes, 1 like = 1 prayer, angry/dumb conspiracy people, rampant commercialism, celebrity culture, and reality television are ruining my life… on the internet.

  4. anonymous
    Posted February 18, 2014 at 8:49 am | Permalink

    Clara Peller, the old woman who said “Where’s the Beef,” lost that gig in 1985 after appearing in a commercial for Prego spaghetti sauce in which she said that she’d “finally found” the beef.

    As for these quizzes, I suspect that there’s already corporate money behind some of them, like “What Character of Orange is the New Black are You?” It just hasn’t gotten to consumer products yet…… “What Model Maytag Washer are You?”

  5. You are New Coke
    Posted February 18, 2014 at 9:16 am | Permalink

    “You’re New Coke. You tried to recreate yourself and failed miserably. You are a failure. You are a cautionary tale to others as to the dangers of hubris.”

  6. John Galt
    Posted February 18, 2014 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    The internet will only continue to get better as we increase the influence of corporations.

  7. Rex
    Posted February 18, 2014 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

    I got Exploding Heary Dave Thomas, which sucks as I wanted Unloved Orphan Dave Thomas.

  8. Meta
    Posted February 18, 2014 at 2:57 pm | Permalink

    Do you know Project Gold Hamburger?

    Project Gold Hamburger started in early 2009, shortly after hedge fund magnate Nelson Peltz bought Wendy’s and combined it with Arby’s. The marriage ultimately failed, with Peltz selling Arby’s to a private-equity firm this summer.

    It was clear Wendy’s had lost its way. In six of the past 11 quarters, the company has reported lower or flat revenue at restaurants open at least a year, a key measure of a company’s growth. And after Thomas died in 2002, Wendy’s fell flat on finding a new face for its advertising, at one point running bizarre commercials featuring a man wearing a red pigtailed wig.

    Also looming over Wendy’s is strong competition from McDonald’s, which has grown even larger the past couple of years by remaking itself into a hip, healthier place to eat, with smoothies, Wi-Fi and high-margin coffee drinks. Last year, McDonald’s had 49.5% of the fast-food burger market in the U.S., up from 41.6% in 2002, according to research firm Technomic. In the same period, Wendy’s share fell to 12.8% from 14%. Burger King’s fell to 13.3% from 17%.

    Anxious to gain market share, Wendy’s polled more than 10,000 people about their likes and dislikes in hamburgers. It found that people like the food at Wendy’s but thought the brand hadn’t kept up with the times. So, executives were shipped off to eat at burger joints around the country and measured each sandwich on characteristics like fatty flavor, salty flavor and whether the bun fell apart.

    “I’ve traveled more with this burger than I have in my entire life,” said Shelly Thobe, Wendy’s director of hamburgers and new platforms.

    Then, it was time for Wendy’s researchers to consider the chain’s own burger, ingredient by ingredient. Each time they made a change, they asked for feedback, visiting research firms around the country to watch through two-way mirrors as people tried each variation.

    Wendy’s chefs also tested new products at the headquarters in Dublin, just outside Columbus. From the test kitchens, they slipped new burger incarnations through little windows into a “Sensory Test Area,” a white-walled room with 16 cubicles where tasting volunteers, sometimes employees, ranked each burger.

    Many suggestions sounded good but didn’t ring true with tasters. They tried green-leaf lettuce, but people preferred to keep iceberg for its crunchiness. They thought about making the tomato slices thicker but decided they didn’t want to ask franchisees to buy new slicing equipment. They even tested a round burger, a trial that was practically anathema to a company that’s made its name on square burgers.

    Wendy’s ultimately did not go with the round shape, but changed the patty to a “natural square,” with wavy edges, because tasters said the straight edges looked processed.

    Tasters said they wanted a thicker burger, so Wendy’s started packing the meat more loosely, trained grill cooks to press down on the patties two times instead of eight, and printed “Handle Like Eggs” on the boxes that the hamburger patties were shipped in so they wouldn’t get smashed. And Wendy’s researchers knew customers wanted warmer and crunchier buns, so they decided that buttering them and putting them through a toaster was the way to go.

    In the end, Wendy’s changed everything but the ketchup. They switched to whole-fat mayonnaise, cut out the mustard, and cut down on the pickles and onions, all to emphasize the flavor of the beef. They also started storing the cheese at higher temperatures so it would melt better, a change that required federal approval.

    “It’s not about getting real exotic,” said Lori Estrada, Wendy’s senior vice president of menu innovation and packaging. “It’s about making everything work.”

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