Now recruiting for Team Satan in Malawi

A few years ago, I posted a short piece about the practice of witchcraft in the African nation of Malawi, and, as a result, every six months or so, I get a strange comment in my in-box. Here’s the most recent one. It comes from a man in Lilongwe, Malawi who wants my help “joining” Satanism. Not having a membership package handy, I suggested that he look up my friend Pete, who is presently traveling through Africa, spreading the gospel of heavy metal, taking blood from cattle, and trying to unravel the mysteries of something called Q Fever. (I figure “scientist” and “witch” are probably pretty much interchangeable these days, especially when said scientists are taking blood from animals and studying spontaneous abortion in livestock.)

MalawiSatanism3

I was going to forward him information on joining the Santana Fan Club, offering it a the next best thing to joining Satanism, when it occurred to me that Pete might actually need some volunteers in Africa to help with the blood letting.

Speaking of Pete, he was supposed to come back to the U.S. a few days ago, but, as he found the airport in flames when he got to Nairobi, he had to change plans at the last minute. Given the recent State Department warnings concerning the possibility of terrorist attacks in Africa, and the fact that this particular fire just happened to break out on the 15th anniversary of the American Embassy bombings in Nairobi and Tanzania, I’m concerned about my old friend, but he tells me not to worry. He says people in Kenya love Americans… which, I guess, is understandable, given that our President was born there… And, even if that weren’t the case, I guess Pete’s always got Satan looking out for him, right?

This entry was posted in Mark's Life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

98 Comments

  1. Edward
    Posted August 10, 2013 at 6:57 am | Permalink

    Not surprisingly, “Join Team Satan” yields results on the web:

    http://www.topix.com/forum/city/jamestown-tn/TGBB8SQFID5CAH6R3

  2. Dave
    Posted August 10, 2013 at 8:58 am | Permalink

    I think Satan is likely disappointed in Pete. He has so much potential, but then he retired from metal and went back to college. Satan hates shit like that.

  3. Eel
    Posted August 10, 2013 at 10:50 am | Permalink

    Taylor Swift is way more Satanic than the most evil Norwegian death metal band. And I’m not even joking.

  4. Angel '77
    Posted August 10, 2013 at 11:24 am | Permalink

    You joke about Carlos Santana, but he is a satanist. He worships a demon. It’s name is Metatron.

  5. Posted August 10, 2013 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

    I am happy that Malawi is finally turning to Satan. I think it’s your responsibility to guide them to the path of evil and debauchery.

  6. 734
    Posted August 10, 2013 at 3:27 pm | Permalink

    Pete, do you wear a hooded cloak when you take blood from animals? If so, what’s the soundtrack?

  7. anonymous
    Posted August 10, 2013 at 5:51 pm | Permalink

    The same Metatron that plays for the Lions?

    http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31300000/Calvin-Johnson-I-Am-Megatron-Detroit-Lions-Wallpaper-detroit-lions-31317506-1920-1080.jpg

  8. MR DAVIS WILLIAMS
    Posted August 16, 2013 at 5:51 pm | Permalink

    Join the Illuminati cult online today and get instant sum of 1 million dollars with a free home anywhere you choose to live in the world and also get 2500 dollars monthly as a salary… If you are interested please kindly fill the following information to this email below

    Full name………………………………
    Country……………………………….
    State of origin……………………….
    Date of birth………………………….
    Sex…………………………………..
    Address……………………………….
    Phone…………………………………
    Email…………………………………

    Tell us little about yourself… No dirty game please, this is our mobile number contact us now if want to be famous
    +2348153363941,or you can call us from UK +447031955359

    luminatiforsuccessandfamous@gmail.com

  9. Posted September 18, 2013 at 4:06 pm | Permalink

    ILUMINATI TELEPHONE CONTACTS:+2348165219949
    To Join Freemasonry
    CALL us Directly today.
    EMAIL US NOW FOR MEMBERSHIP: illuminati_ocultic@aol.com
    INTRODUCTION TO FREEMASONRY
    It is a well-known fact that Freemasonry/ILLUMINATI consist of Multi Millionaires, Billionaires who have major influence regarding most global affairs, including the planning of a New World Order. Many world leaders, Presidents, Prime Ministers, royalty and senior executives of major Fortune 500 companies are members of Freemasonry.
    Now, for the FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, we are opening our doors to the masses. If you would like to Join Freemasonry,Just register with us today.
    FREEMASONRY/ILLUMINATI RECRUITMENT/REGISTRATION
    PORTAL EMAIL IS: illuminatiocultic@gmail.com
    EMAIL THE ADDRESS NOW FOR STRAIGHT REGISTRATION : illuminati_ocultic@aol.com

  10. Posted September 30, 2013 at 11:17 am | Permalink

    Well am a young man from Malawi who has been willing to join illuminati for 2year now & haven’t find my way in yet. Am here to sick for help on how to join illuminati i’m so willing coz i feel i’ve tha potential and will always be at any risk to earn great success please contact me on my number facebook username “Davis Khan” or “young chocolatee”, i’ll be so delighted to receive a text from any illuminati member to help me join

  11. Posted October 5, 2013 at 11:34 am | Permalink

    if you want to join the illuminati clud, contact godoffamousilluminat@gmail.com or call +2348103590554 to become a member.

  12. MARK SMITH
    Posted October 8, 2013 at 7:20 am | Permalink

    { WELCOME TO THE GREAT TEMPLE OF
    ILLUMINATI.
    Are u a business man, politician,
    musical, student and you want to be rich,
    powerful and be famous in life. You achieve
    your dreams by being a member of the
    illuminati With this all your dream and heart desire can be fully accomplish, if u really
    want to be a member of the great illuminati
    then you contact Mr.MARK SMITH through the cell phone +2348163974382 or send your email to the email address below tatailluminatiworldwide@gmail.com} Full name……………………………… Country………………………………… State of origin………………………. Date of birth…………………………. Sex………………………………………. Address………………………………. Phone………………………………….. Email address……………… –

  13. Mr ben
    Posted October 10, 2013 at 9:26 pm | Permalink

    join the great brotherhood Illuminati and get one million dollars after the
    initiation and confirmation,and also receive 250 thousand dollars as
    monthly salary……. if you are interested in the great
    brotherhood Illuminati fill this details and get back to us asap……..

    name………
    country…….
    occupation……
    state………..
    mobile no……
    email………
    age……
    sex……..
    marital status……
    photos……..
    and tell us little about your self………………………………
    also with the reason of you wanting to join the great brotherhood
    Illuminati………………….

    get back to us immediately after filled to this email;kingofilluminati1128@gmail.com or call+2347053443408
    +447024079114

  14. lord azura
    Posted October 15, 2013 at 6:59 am | Permalink

    I AM A FULL MEMBER OF
    ILLUMINATI, SO PROCEED IF YOU
    WANT TO JOIN NOW

    Am lord azura from usa
    I am glad today because am now
    a successful man of Illuminati, i
    have taught of been one of the
    illuminati’s member so that i will
    be wealthy for life and my family
    will be forever rich.
    I get linked up by a man called Mr
    Anderson who introduce me to
    this agent who have a successful
    influence with this occultic
    illuminati, so he took me joining
    the team to their real powerful
    man in USA who was the head of
    all illuminati member to help his
    cousin on belonging to the
    membership. All because of him
    he really did all for me, and now
    am so glad of becoming a
    illuminati member, i am now rich
    and wealthy. Thank your Mr
    Anderson For your support.
    Illuminati is a great and powerful
    means to get popular in life

    Do you want your parents to be proud of you?

    Do want your ex back

    Do want to be famous

    Do want to be a celebrity

    Do want my business to grow excessively

    Do want to get rich

    Do want to be honorably good academically. So if

    you really wants to be like me

    today contact
    Lordazura@hotmail.com,phone number
    Full name……….
    Country……….
    State of origin……….
    Date of birth……….
    Sex……….
    Address……….
    Phone……….
    Email address……….
    Tell us little about yourself…
    I have help so many people in this world, so it could be your turn
    Alysiah- Illuminati
    +Adele – Illuminati
    +Alicia Keys – Illuminati
    +Angelina Jolie –
    Illuminati
    +Avril Lavigne – Illuminati
    +Barack Obama –
    Illuminati
    +Beyonce Knowles –
    Illuminati
    +Blue Ivy – Illuminati
    +Bob Dylan – Illuminati
    +Bob Marley – Illuminati
    +Bono (from U2) –
    Illuminati
    +Britney spears –
    Illuminati
    +Cash Money/Young
    Money Records –
    Illuminati
    +Celine Dion – Illuminati
    +Chris Brown –
    Illuminati
    +Cristiano Ronaldo –
    Illuminati
    +Cypress hill – Illuminati
    +Darren Brown –
    Illuminati
    +David bowie –
    Illuminati
    +Disturbed – Illuminati
    +Dr dre – Illuminati
    +Dr. Dre – Illuminati
    +Drake – Illuminati
    +Eminem – Illuminati
    +George W. Bush Sr.
    & Jr. – Illuminati
    +George Washington
    (was a Freemasonry) – Illuminati
    +Gordon Brown –
    Illuminati
    +Hugo Weaving –
    Illuminati
    +Hulk Hogan – Illuminati
    +Jay z – Illuminati
    +Jay-Z – Illuminati
    +Jennifer Hudson –
    Illuminati
    +Jennifer Lopez – Illuminati
    +Jim Carey – Illuminati
    +Jimi Hendrix – Illuminati
    +John Cena –
    Illuminati
    +cm punk – Illuminati
    +John Travolta – Illuminati
    +Justin Bieber – Illuminati
    +Kanye West – Illuminati
    +Katty Parry – Illuminati
    +Kevin Nash – Illuminati
    +Kobe Bryant – Illuminati
    +Kris Angel – Illuminati
    +Kyle Monogue – Illuminati
    +Laddy Gaga – Illuminati
    +Lady gaga – Illuminati
    +L’arc en Ciel – Illuminati
    +Laruku from Japan
    – Illuminati
    +Lebron James – Illuminati
    +Lil Wayne – Illuminati
    +Linkin Park – Illuminati
    +Liverpool FC – Illuminati
    +Madonna – Illuminati
    +Manchster UTD –
    Illuminati
    +Marilyn Manson –
    Illuminati
    +Michael Jackson
    (Former member
    turned against Illuminati)
    +Miley Cyrus – Illuminati
    +Nas – Illuminati
    +Natalie Portman –
    Illuminati
    +Nelson Mandela –
    Illuminati
    +Nicki Minaj – Illuminati
    +Notorious B.I.G –
    Illuminati
    +P. Diddy (aka Puff
    Daddy) – Illuminati
    +Paul Mccartney –
    Illuminati
    +Paul Mkenna –
    Illuminati
    +Queen Elizabeth (&
    entire royal family)
    – Illuminati
    +Randy Orton – Illuminati
    +Real Betis – Illuminati
    +Rihanna – Illuminati
    +Scott Hall – Illuminati
    +Sean Waltmen –
    Illuminati
    +Serena Williams –
    Illuminati
    +T pain – Illuminati
    +The Dudley Boys –
    Illuminati
    +The Mizz – Illuminati
    +THE POPE! (Jewish
    Satanist!) – Illuminati
    +The White Stripes –
    Illuminati
    +Tom Cruise – Illuminati
    +Tony Blair – Illuminati
    +Tupac Shakur (but
    then turned against them as well)
    +Warren Buffet – Illuminati
    +Whitney Houston
    (former member
    with claims of being murdered by
    Illuminati)
    +Willow Smith
    (quoted as “Next Illuminati Star”)
    +Wiz Khalifa – Illuminati
    +YeahYeahYeahs –
    Illuminati
    +Yelawolf – Illuminati

  15. anonymous
    Posted October 15, 2013 at 8:08 am | Permalink

    Hulk Hogan, Lil Wayne and the Pope. Now those must be some awesome meetings!

  16. Posted October 15, 2013 at 8:34 am | Permalink

    I love these comments from Nigeria. We should all join the Illuminati immediately.

  17. Posted October 15, 2013 at 10:35 pm | Permalink

    Do you desire Fame? Riches? Powers? Wealth? and do you want all your dreams to come to pass? Are you an upcoming artist? dancer? businessman? etc the Great Illuminati Society offers you a life time opportunity of making your desires come to accomplishment. If you are interested being a member please contact our online agent now via illuminatiwealthworldwide666@gmail.com or call our temple keeper +2348163976398

  18. Young bornex chunga
    Posted October 16, 2013 at 1:22 am | Permalink

    I hav tried calling u guys but to no avail i wanda if this iluminat thang is realy real.wana join

  19. Posted October 20, 2013 at 2:39 am | Permalink

    Join the Illuminati and have all your heart desires come through,

    Fast cars , Spot Lights , Money , Influence Fame and Power .

    Earn $500000 monthly for becoming a member and $1000000 for doing what you like to do .

    If you have the interest to join contact illuminatiwealthworldwide666@gmail.com or call +2347063753240

  20. Posted October 25, 2013 at 9:05 am | Permalink

    I want to join the black heart please email me +2348064063302 email nellymolly333@gmail.com

  21. illuminati
    Posted October 28, 2013 at 12:22 am | Permalink

    ILLUMINATI

    Join the Illuminati cult online today and get instant sum of 1million
    dollars with a free home anywhere you choose to live in the world and also
    get 2000 dollars monthly as a salary…

    If you are interested contact {joinilluminati1128@gmail.com }.

    and they will give you all the details you need.

  22. Posted November 15, 2013 at 4:29 pm | Permalink

    WELCOME TO THE GREAT TEMPLE OF
    ILLUMINATI. Are you a business man,
    politician, musical, student and you want to
    be rich, powerful and be famous in life. You
    can achieve your dreams by beaning a
    member of the Illuminati. With this all your
    dreams and heart desire can be fully
    accomplish, if you really want to be a
    member of the great Illuminati then you can
    contact via email address(kenkenilluminatyagent@gmail.com
    or call us on our mobile number, +2348102386568
    for assistance

  23. Roland Warlt
    Posted November 16, 2013 at 9:23 pm | Permalink

    Do you desire Fame, Riches, Powers, Wealth and do you want all your dreams to come to pass? Are you an upcoming artist, dancer, businessman etc the Great Illuminati Society offers you a life time opportunity of making your desires come to accomplishment. If you are interested please contact us now for more information on how you will be fully initiated to the Illuminati and get all you seeks in life. contact:illuminatichurch666gmail.com or call the temple on +23408159940523

  24. Mr Hussine
    Posted November 16, 2013 at 9:32 pm | Permalink

    Do you want to become a member o the Illuminati and gain all you seek in life MONEY WEALTH FLAME, HAPPINESS LOVE POWER INFLUENCE BETTER LIFE SO ON, we can give you all you want to achieve in life, just contact us now on: Churchofsatanmark666@live.com join Church of SATAN and become Rich and Famous.
    YOUR DESIRE IS OUR UP MOST INTEREST.

  25. Posted November 23, 2013 at 4:55 am | Permalink

    Hello to you all!!
    This is the great opportunity for you to get what you are seeking for in life okay, so we need you to become a member of the great illuminati temple and get all you are looking for in life, this is the chance for you, cause the great brotherhood of the illuminati kingdom send me to Africa to initiated as many as member all over the world to join us and get all that you are looking for in life, so we offer Riches, Fame and power, we offer all this, if you are interested email us now through this email theilluminatibrotherhoodmember@gmail.come email us now and all your problem will be over.or this call number +2347050269809.

  26. Posted November 23, 2013 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    if you are a footballer you want to be the best or you are a business man or woman you want to be the best in your field you want everything you are doing to prosper, you want the whole world to hear of you all you need to do now is to join illuminati66.visit our website joinilluminati66@gmail.com or contact us with this number.

  27. nadine
    Posted November 23, 2013 at 7:45 pm | Permalink

    Do you desire Fame? Riches? Powers? Wealth, or do you want all your dreams to come to pass? Are you an upcoming artist? dancer? businessman? etc the Great Illuminati Society offers you a life time opportunity of making your desires come to accomplishment. If you are interested in being a member please contact us online, illuminatisatanictemple@gmail.com or call our temple keeper +2348072371282, if you don’t have any talent please do contact us.

  28. illuminati
    Posted November 24, 2013 at 1:44 am | Permalink

    Join the Illuminati and be offer the sum of $15ooo usd, the brotherhood society is a place were you acquired all your heart desire, such as wealth, powers and fame. Join now and complete your success and happiness today. Send an email to illuminatisociety1@gmail.com.

  29. Posted November 24, 2013 at 4:53 am | Permalink

    WELCOME TO THE GREAT TEMPLE OF ILLUMINATI.
    Are you a pastor and you need spirituals power in your ministry, or business man/woman, politician, musical, student and you want to be rich, powerful and be famous in life.You can achieve your dreams by beaning a member of the great illuminati brotherhood. and Erny 1,000,000dollars every week and $10, 000.000 Dollars every month, With this all your dream and heart desire can be fully accomplish, if u really want to be a member of the great illuminati then you can contact ILLUMINATI AGENT on +2347037059120, Email joinilluminatibrotherhood22@gm ail.com
    BE A MEMBER OF THE BROTHERHOOD TODAY

  30. Stefan
    Posted November 24, 2013 at 10:24 am | Permalink

    I want riches, power and sex. I just can’t decide between Satanism and the Illuminati. Could someone please lay out the pros and cons for each? Or, better yet, is it possible to join both?

  31. smith
    Posted November 26, 2013 at 1:33 am | Permalink

    Be a member of Illuminati today and become rich and famous, this is just
    brief summary to apply now and join thousands of satisfied citizens contact
    us at illuminatipowerworldwide@gmail.com or call …+2348165028579

  32. illuminati
    Posted November 30, 2013 at 9:26 am | Permalink

    Do you desire Fame, Riches, Powers, Wealth and do you
    want all your dreams to come true? Are you an
    upcoming artist, dancer, businessman etc the Great Illuminati
    Society offers you a life time opportunity of making your
    desires come to accomplishment. If you are interested
    contact us now for more information on how you will be fully initiated
    to the Illuminati and get all you seeks in life.
    contact: address is illuminati4wealyh@gmail.com illuminati our prince on please note
    that we have a lot of scams out there be careful or better
    still just OK i wish you luck

  33. smith
    Posted December 8, 2013 at 11:02 am | Permalink

    Be a member of Illuminati today and become rich and famous, this is just
    brief summary to apply now and join thousands of satisfied citizens contact
    us at illuminatipowerworldwide@gmail.com or call …+2348165028579

  34. mr kenneth
    Posted December 12, 2013 at 6:51 pm | Permalink

    join Illuminati. we meet at local Cracker Barrel. we’ll be the ones eating only with gold silverware.

  35. Aubrey
    Posted December 20, 2013 at 3:55 pm | Permalink

    Am willingly to join u okay.

  36. Posted December 27, 2013 at 2:03 am | Permalink

    become a member of great illuminati brotherhood
    today and get riches,
    famous, have powers. Are you a politician, student,
    teacher, artis, actor, actress, this your chance to
    become known in your town and world at large.
    Contact us +2347051235556 via our email….KINGDOMOFRICHES02@GMAIL.COM

  37. illuminati agent
    Posted January 6, 2014 at 11:42 pm | Permalink

    If you want to be rich, wealthy, famous, influential, and own livestock, then you have the chance to do that,join the illuminati today to get $25000 every 3 days and $1000000 membership blessing for doing what you love to do best. And stop eating hay.

    contact famousilluminatiorder@gmail.com today to change your life for the better

  38. ILLUMINATI GLOBAL CLUB
    Posted January 13, 2014 at 4:20 am | Permalink

    WELCOME TO THE GREAT ILLUMINATI GLOBAL CLUB

    Are you business man/woman, politician, musician, frog gigger, soccer player, cheese maker or student and you want to be rich, powerful and famous? You can achieve your dreams by being a member of the Illuminati. With this all your dreams and heart desire can be fully accomplished. It’s optional to join the most powerful secret society in the world Illuminati, Order Accepted Worldwide or call the agent on +2347060678963 you will be guided through the whole process and be helped on how to join the occult. It’s never been easier to join. I extend an open invitation to all those who agree with the concept of individual rights to apply to join the Illuminati Order. The more members it has, the greater its influence will be. Join the world of the happiest and most influenced people in the world and be the first to join in your community and spread the word of the famous RICHARD MORGAN. Call +2347060678963 to Join the Illuminati family.

    Famous illuminate members

    Below is a list of famous illuminate members (both alleged & proven evidence)
    ? Aalyiah-illiminati
    ? Adele-illuminati
    ? Alicia-keys illuminate
    ? Barrack Obama- illuminati
    ? Beyoncé Knowles-illuminati
    ? The Pope illuminati
    ? Queen Elizabeth II illuminati
    ? George Soros illuminati
    ? Ben Bernanke illuminati
    ? George W. Bush illuminati
    ? Jay-Z illuminati
    ? Kanye West illuminati
    ? Rihanna illuminati
    ? Bob Dylan illuminati
    ? Don Knotts illuminati
    ? Beyoncé illuminati
    ? Lady Gaga illuminati
    ? Jim Carrey illuminati
    ? Willow Smith illuminati
    ? Nelson Mandela illuminate

    And many more. For more equerries contact RICHARD MORGAN the country agent on +2347060678963 or visit our http://illuminate99.web@outlook.com/.

  39. maxwell
    Posted February 4, 2014 at 12:51 am | Permalink

    Easy way to join the illuminati brotherhood in the world and be rice and famous.

    Kindly contact the illuminati online registrations officer in USA through their email now: maxwellojie@hotmail.com and you shall be given an ideal chance to visit the satan and his representative after registrations is completed by you, no sacrifice or human life needed, illuminati brotherhood brings along wealth and famous in life, you have a full access to eridicate poverty away from from your life now. So contact the online registrar at: maxwellojie@hotmail.com

    brotherhood of illuminati

  40. anonymous
    Posted February 4, 2014 at 9:35 am | Permalink

    Wait! I can be both rice AND famous?!

  41. Posted February 12, 2014 at 8:27 am | Permalink

    do YOU want to join the great Illuminati call Agent Raymond on +2348143240457 join the great Illuminati brotherhood and become richer once you join the brother hood you will be given 0ne Million dollars instantly and you will be earning $500,000,00.every 2weeks.. join today and become richer and famous…you will need to fill out this form if you are willing to join the brotherhood…

    Full name……….

    Country……….

    State of origin……….

    Date of birth……….

    Sex……….

    Address……….

    Phone……….

    Email address……….

    Tell us little about yourself…

    I am one of the agents sent by the high priest to bring as many of those who are interested in becoming a member of the Illuminati to the great Illuminati temple,am a traditional herbalist healer and no problem without a solution to me but I was ones like you I could not evening feed my family what kind of life was that to live I lived in poverty until I saw an opportunity to be a member of the great Illuminati brotherhood and I took my chances and I have been a member for close to three years now and the higher you get the richer you become. Illuminati makes your business grow\ to get more powers successful luck love attraction money and many more other benefits so if you are interested contact me on +2348143240457 or illuminatiwordhood@gmail.com

  42. anonymous
    Posted February 12, 2014 at 9:17 am | Permalink

    Is anyone calling these numbers? Someone really should.

  43. Daniel
    Posted February 13, 2014 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    Easy way to join the Illuminati brotherhood in the world. Am Jonny from United State

    Are you a business man or an artist,Politicians and you want to become big, Powerful and famous in the world, join us to become one of our official member today.you shall be given an ideal chance to visit the illuminati and his representative after registrations is completed by you, no sacrifice or human life needed, Illuminati brotherhood brings along wealth and famous in life, you have a full access to eradicate poverty away from your life now. it only a member who is been initiated into the church of illuminati have the authority to bring any member to the church, so before you contact any body you must be link by who is already a member, Join us today and realize your dreams. we also help out our member in protection of drugs pushing,worldofriches@hotmail.com

    once you become a member you will be rich and famous for the rest of your life, illuminati make there member happy so i will want you all to also be a member of the illuminati if you are interested kindly fill the form below to the below email adress.
    YOUR FULL NAME
    YOUR COUNTRY
    YOUR AGE
    YOUR PHONE NUMBER
    WHY DO YOU CHOOOSE TO JOIN THE ILLUMINATI FAMILY.

    Thanks contact email on worldofriches@hotmail.com

  44. Posted February 19, 2014 at 12:54 pm | Permalink

    WELCOME TO THE ILLUMINATI

    Join the Illuminati cult online today and get instant sum of 1million
    dollars with a free home anywhere you choose to live in the world and also
    get 2500 dollars monthly as a salary…

    If you are interested please kindly fill the following information’s to this
    email; illuminatisociety1@gmail.com or call +2348161537280

    Full name…………

    Country………..

    State of origin………….

    Date of birth…………….

    Sex…………………….

    Address………………….

    Phone………………….

    Email address………….

    photo…………………….

    Attach Scan I’d card,passport or driver license containing your full details

    Tell us little about yourself…

    Attach scan school certificate..

    No dirty game,no sacrifices
    get back to me now

  45. anonymous
    Posted February 19, 2014 at 2:10 pm | Permalink

    “No dirty game. No sacrifices.”

  46. Lucifer illuminati
    Posted February 23, 2014 at 6:24 am | Permalink

    Do you desire FAME, POWER, RICHES, WEALTH, INFLUENCE, BACON, FAST CARS and STARDOM? Do you want your Desires, Dreams and Goals to come through? Earn $250000 in every 3 days, $1000000 for doing what you love to do. Just leave your social security number spray painted on the front door of the University of Michigan’s President’s house to set things in motion.

  47. Posted February 23, 2014 at 8:47 pm | Permalink

    Because of this post, I get emails from men in Africa at least once a week, asking me how to join the church of Satan. One man told me that he was ready to drink blood. In every instance, I give them my friend Pete’s name, as he spends half his time in Kenya these days, doing public health research. To date, I don’t think that any of them have sought him out and asked for the enrollment package.

  48. Jefferson Butt
    Posted March 3, 2014 at 11:37 pm | Permalink

    Are you an Intern, Scholar, Leader, or Person with notable/celebrated Talent or Resources? DO you desire more cheese?

    The 1st step to a “Mutually Beneficial Relationship” would be a new pair of pants at the Briarwood Mall SEARS. Hagar slacks work best.

    Than is the dissemination point for Initiates of the Outer Head of the Order, and for analyzing response to our more visible existence.

    We do not accept any sort of “Application” from the Public, however we do take note of individuals who are adequately interested in our “work” enough seek active involvement in anything we have interest in.

    Referrals are made to a global Network about individuals with a certain interest in illuminism, a certain character and nature, and the efforts made in their Business and Personal Affairs.

    Ask the check out agent at the Briarwood Mall SEARS.

    If you are interested in the evolution of Mankind and a “mutually beneficial” future, we may be interested in working with you.

  49. Mr frank
    Posted March 5, 2014 at 7:15 am | Permalink

    I am in Canada.
    Rich and famous.
    My body covered in free cheese.
    From head to toe.

  50. mr frank
    Posted March 6, 2014 at 9:15 am | Permalink

    Hello I am Mr frank by name
    I am from USA
    But now in Nigeria, I am one of the agents sent by the high
    priest to bring as many of those who are interested in
    becoming a member of
    the illuminati to the great
    illuminati temple,am a business man I own
    construction companies all over the world but I was
    ones like you I could not evening feed my family
    what kind of life was that to live I lived in poverty until I
    saw an
    opportunity at SEARS to be a member of the great illuminati
    brotherhood and I took
    my chances and I have been a member for close to three
    years now and the
    higher you get the richer you become.
    Illuminati pays money to your account illuminati
    makes your business grow these and many more
    other benefits so if you are interested contact our representative at the
    Hagar slacks display at the Briarwood Mall SEARS.

  51. james
    Posted March 7, 2014 at 4:28 am | Permalink

    Don’t get you Illuminati at Sears. That’s weak illuminati, with a lower case i. Get the Real ILLUMINATi at Abercrombie and Fitch. BROTHERHOOD OF ILLUMINATI CHURCH is THe REAL Illuminati!
    Easy way to join the Illuminati brotherhood in the world.
    Are you a business man or an artist, or a Politician, or just need a pants? We can help.

  52. MAIMA . D. KAMARA.
    Posted March 8, 2014 at 9:07 pm | Permalink

    can anyone tell me how to join this I need to get rich and famouspowerful well prepared to join please tell me what Must I do to join this my email address is kamaramaima@yahoo.com thanks

  53. johnson leeh
    Posted March 15, 2014 at 9:53 pm | Permalink

    These slacks, while comfortable, do not occommodate my occult items. Is it acceptable to wear a fannypack?

  54. rabat
    Posted March 17, 2014 at 8:29 am | Permalink

    This is all crap about illuminati;i was willing to join but i cant admit to throw my money again;if you are an agent why ask alot of money to register a less fortunate seeker of truth?why cant there be sponsors for new members and if you are rich reward back?i dnt bliv that surroundin shit;i will believe if one contacts me;email,petermutwa38@gmail.com;waitin

  55. ishmael
    Posted March 19, 2014 at 4:55 pm | Permalink

    shitty shit scammers… evil is for free.
    How can a persin have to pay to sell his soul?

  56. MRS CARIMAR MAGNUS
    Posted March 21, 2014 at 1:43 am | Permalink

    HELLO EVERYBODY HERE IS MY TESTIMONY TO BE SHARED WORLDWIDE

    What an amazing world we are living in…
    My name is MRS CARIMAR MAGNUS from GERMANY,my husband and i have been marriage for 5 years without any kid and no job for the both us,we have been so worried, cried all day of my life seeking for help,discussing my private life with different kinds of people all to no avail.I was reading a magazine when I stumble on a page titled the spell caster by DR.AMOLOR.i decided to contact him and gave him a try to help us solve our difficult situation i contacted him and he told me not to worry that the gods of his forefathers will fight for me and my husband.He then told me that by midnight when all the evil spirits are asleep he will cast the spell and he did it for less down 5 day and immediately after the spell was casted the next morning my husband received a phone call to come for a job interview and was given the job by evening i was in the sitting room when i got a call for a company’s contract to be paid a huge some of money and later that same month i was pregnant with a set of twins and also i deliver them safely with the help of thisdr.lol…my family are happy for what the great spell caster did for us.if you are a victim of this and any problem relating to bringing back your EX,PENNIS OR BREAST ENLARGEMENT,WIN VISA LOTTERY,WINNING AN ELECTION,GETING RICH AND BEEN FAMOUS IN ANY KIND OF SPORT,MUSIC AND IN FILM INDUSTRY and SO many other problem you can think of you have. contact him.

  57. mr fleix
    Posted March 24, 2014 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

    These slacks are itchy. Why we cannont dress in robes?

  58. illuminati reigns
    Posted March 30, 2014 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

    Related?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR_myjOr0OU

  59. Juliet
    Posted April 3, 2014 at 12:27 am | Permalink

    These slacks are cutting off the circulation to my nether regions. This cannot be your intention. I anxiously await your response, oh master.

  60. W.T. Ilder
    Posted April 8, 2014 at 5:36 pm | Permalink

    I apparently picked the wrong religion. In Scientology you don’t get slacks until you reach OT IV.

  61. john
    Posted April 17, 2014 at 1:25 am | Permalink

    Real satanists wear sweatpants.

  62. Deprince Sunday
    Posted April 20, 2014 at 1:02 am | Permalink

    My brothers and my sister i will like to say that jesus is the only way out. And he can also make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. And he doesn’t dictate what kinds of pants you wear. Truely i can show u how to make $100 every week that is $16,000 without joing the church of satan. Like me now i make $225,000 every month and am just 28 years old. Go to Abercrombie and Fitch at 12 Oaks and ask for Brad.

  63. Chas Banda
    Posted April 28, 2014 at 8:33 am | Permalink

    I have tried to apply for membership but i have not been replied. Is this real or just a scam, because some people have nothing to do but just send scam on the internet.

  64. illuminati ADMIN
    Posted May 8, 2014 at 8:45 pm | Permalink

    As of the end of this month, we will also be accepting individuals who have purchased their Hagar slacks online through the following gIlluminati-approved portal.

    http://www.haggar.com/home/index.jsp

  65. questioning
    Posted May 10, 2014 at 8:04 pm | Permalink

    To reach the state of “clear” in the Church of Scientology, you have to spend over $20,000 in Northface merchandise. I know little about the Church of Illuminati, but, assuming their’s a comparable level of spiritual enlightenment, how many pair of slacks must someone purchase to attain it?

  66. Henry Clark
    Posted May 12, 2014 at 8:55 am | Permalink

    Do you take nothings serious. the world of fire calls you name and you shout ‘slacks for sale’

  67. jonson
    Posted May 21, 2014 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

    i am giving a testimony of how i become rich and famous today… i was deeply strangled up by poverty and i had no body to help me, and also i search for help from different corners but to no avail… i see people around me getting rich but to me i was so ashamed of my self so i met a man on my way he was very rich and he was a doctor so he told me something and i think over it though out the day so the next day i looked up and i keep repeating what he said to me.

    “if you want to get rich quick and be famous”
    you need to cross your heart and do what
    is in your mind
    and save for quality slacks

    so i pay for slacks and within minutes the great fraternity gave me $70,000,000.00 to start up my life…. and now am testifying that if in any case you want to join any great fraternity all you need to do is for you to contact them and do as instructed

  68. illuminati
    Posted May 27, 2014 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

    You will not be mocking our slacks in hell, poor little creatures.

  69. Blessings masikia
    Posted June 5, 2014 at 2:22 pm | Permalink

    Please please find me iwant to join i have been looking for this for along time

  70. illuminati
    Posted June 5, 2014 at 4:20 pm | Permalink

    SLACKS IS JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR PANTS. JOIN THE ILLUMINATI ORGANIZATION AND GET RICH , FAMOUS , SUCCESS ,’PROSPEROUS , ENLIGHTENMENT IN EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE . IT A PROMISE IF YOU CAN REALLY GET YOUR SELF INVOLVE IN THIS ORGANIZATION YOU WE BE AMONG THE BEST IN THE WORD SO IF YOU ARE INTERESTED CALL +2348675309 FOR FURTHER INFORMATION AND ASSISTANCE.

  71. Posted June 7, 2014 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

    Hell no, I ain’t gotta dream bou joinin y’all, probably yall gon leave all that on your way to hell, fuck !

  72. Elder Ross
    Posted June 27, 2014 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

    I want wealth, power, influence and sex, and you offer me slacks? I do not see the connection.

  73. mr john
    Posted July 18, 2014 at 11:21 am | Permalink

    Are you a member of the Illumanti in good standing, but without a current sinecure? Have no fear, Illuminati Placement Services is here. Just post your number and I will be in touch. Fame and fortune are almost yours again.

  74. sir femi perez
    Posted July 27, 2014 at 8:58 pm | Permalink

    Don’t know the difference between pants and slacks? Fear not. The Illuminati are anxiously awaiting your calls. Join us now and become rich and powerful [sirfemiperez@gmail.com] OR CALL SIR FEMI ON 07057623144

  75. Shantease Saunders
    Posted August 22, 2014 at 6:24 am | Permalink

    Hay I think this is helpful but it still hasent showed me how to sell you’re soul or retrieve what you set out to receive

  76. john smith
    Posted August 31, 2014 at 11:42 pm | Permalink

    Boots and slacks, and boots and slacks…. Satanism.

    http://www.kansascity.com/news/business/article1255251.html

  77. DAVID STONE
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 9:14 am | Permalink

    My life is not going the way I want it to and I would like to change it, I desire WEALTH, POWER, INFLUENCE, GOOD CARS, STARDOM. I want my dreams to come through, and I am ready to join the illuminati today. I am confused by the references to slacks. I am prepared, however, to purchase a robe.

  78. mr smith
    Posted October 2, 2014 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    My tail. It snags my slacks.

  79. mr randy
    Posted November 4, 2014 at 10:08 am | Permalink

    Are there any Satanists running for office in Michigan today?

  80. Patrick
    Posted May 18, 2015 at 2:24 am | Permalink

    How can I join Illuminati here in Malawi?

  81. ILLUMINATI
    Posted May 25, 2015 at 8:25 pm | Permalink

    There are not enough slacks in the world to help those of you commenting here.

  82. GRANT PHIRI
    Posted June 18, 2015 at 5:34 am | Permalink

    I need illuminate in Malawi. Slacks not so much.

  83. Agent Alex
    Posted October 22, 2015 at 7:16 am | Permalink

    If you want to say goodbye to poverty and say welcome to riches for ever, put on the slacks.

    JOIN the great satanic agents church to be rich famous and powerful, to ride upon the high place of the earth and to live without pains and poverty.

    If you like to be a born again member of this satanic church just buy the slacks.

    Regards
    satanic agents

  84. Jean Henry
    Posted October 22, 2015 at 3:22 pm | Permalink

    This is the greatest MM thread EVER. Redemptive stuff. Thank you Agent Alex for alerting me to its existence. I, too, want my body covered in free cheese. From head to toe.
    Please and thank you.

  85. Natalie James
    Posted December 22, 2015 at 7:32 pm | Permalink

    My name is Natalie James,i want to share my wonderful testimony on how i got back my slacks and my ex-lover. i want to tell the people in the world there is a real spell caster online and is powerful and genuine, His name is Dr. Ekuma Ogbe, He helped me recently to reunite my relationship with my Boyfriend who dumped me, as well as bring back my slacks. When i contacted Dr. Ekuma he cast a love spell for me and my Boyfriend who said he doesn’t have anything to do with me again called me and started begging me. For quick response i dropped my number at the first email i used in contacting him.

    To anyone who is reading this article and needs any help Dr. Ekuma can also offer any types of help like Reuniting of marriage and relationship, Curing of all types of Diseases, Court Cases, Pregnancy Spell, Spiritual protection and lot’s more.Thanks once again wonderful man for helping me to bring my ex lover back to me,thank you,thank you again and again Dr Ekuma.

  86. Merico
    Posted January 14, 2016 at 9:01 pm | Permalink

    I was once like you. My wife were and I were financially down. We used to survive on one meal a day. We wore regular slacks. What kind of life was that to live. I lived in extreme poverty until I saw an opportunity to be a member of the GREAT TEMPLE OF ILLUMINATI BROTHERHOOD and I took my chances, but it never misfired. I have been a member for close to 10 years now. The higher you get, the richer you become in the Illuminati, and the better your slacks. It makes your business grow faster than you can ever imagine. Illuminati brings out the talent in you and make you famous.

    As you become a member of Illuminati order, You will have an opportunity to receive benefits of up to US DOLLARS $ 500,000 in the first seven(7) days there are many more other benefits you stand to gain afterwards, like discounts at Sam’s Club and Olive Garden.

  87. Seeker
    Posted February 23, 2016 at 11:25 pm | Permalink

    Most people who are just saying “join join” they are all conman especially those with Nigerian numbers.
    How can a person join you with money while he/she is looking for that money??????? You don’t deduct from the benefits???????????? You don’t deduct for slacks????? You thieves stilling from the poor Africans!!!!!!!

  88. Gift Chimphepo
    Posted March 23, 2016 at 5:07 am | Permalink

    Illuminati slacks suck…. too tight in the hips…. you’re always walking sideways, like a crab…. God wins all the time, the kingdom of darkness fails

  89. Mario Bandah
    Posted May 17, 2016 at 6:01 am | Permalink

    For 14 months now, my brother has not worn slacks. Have you heard of such a thing.

  90. Andrew Williams
    Posted May 21, 2016 at 11:43 am | Permalink

    I find all this talk of slacks to be problematic.

  91. Melody Sosa
    Posted June 20, 2016 at 3:34 pm | Permalink

    JOINING THE ILLUMINATI BRINGS YOU INTO THE LIMELIGHT OF THE WORLD IN WHICH YOU LIVE IN TODAY. YOUR FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES ARE BROUGHT TO AN END. YOUR INSEAMS LENGTHEN. WE SUPPORT YOU BOTH FINANCIALLY AND MATERIALLY TO ENSURE YOU LIVE A COMFORTABLE LIFE IN COMFORTABLE SLACKS. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHICH PART OF THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN. FROM THE UNITED STATES DOWN TO THE MOST REMOTE PART OF THE EARTH, WE BRING YOU ALL YOU WANT. BEING AN ILLITERATE OR A LITERATE IS NOT A BARRIER TO BEING A MILLIONAIRE BETWEEN TODAY AND THE NEXT TWO WEEKS. YOU BEING IN THIS, OUR OFFICIAL PAGE, TODAY SIGNIFIES THAT IT WAS ORDERED AND ARRANGED BY THE GREAT LUCIFER THAT FROM NOW ON, YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE THAT REAL AND INDEPENDENT HUMAN YOU HAVE ALWAYS WISHED YOU WERE.

  92. Arturo
    Posted July 2, 2016 at 1:57 pm | Permalink

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/7e/b0/16/7eb0167b265dba8977c0a0e01070ddfc.jpg

  93. maria
    Posted October 9, 2016 at 7:52 am | Permalink

    I want to appreciate Lord Burgus Kema Mallas his Lordship for helping me find and acquire my slacks.

  94. williamstomos
    Posted December 7, 2016 at 9:21 am | Permalink

    I HAVE BEEN IN SLACKS SINCE BIRTH
    NOTHING
    JOINING ILLUMINATI
    FAKE

  95. Phillimon msiska
    Posted April 30, 2017 at 7:04 am | Permalink

    Am phillimon msiska from Malawi I have been seeking to join illuminati for a long time but nothing worked.. So if they is any one who can help me to join illuminati I will be very happy coz I really want to serve Lord lucifer..

  96. David Ariel
    Posted May 24, 2018 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

    Are you tired of the sad, powerless Christian slacks you currently wear? If so, talk with me. I might be able to help.

  97. maven
    Posted April 15, 2020 at 4:41 pm | Permalink

    JOIN THE ILLUMINATI FOR RICHES, FAME, SLACKS AND ALL-ROUND SUCCESS. JOIN TODAY AND HAVE ALL YOUR DESIRES IN LIFE. NO HUMAN SACRIFICE: THE OCCULT FESTIVAL IS HERE AGAIN!

  98. Jean Henry
    Posted April 15, 2020 at 5:26 pm | Permalink

    Slacks!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Connect

BUY LOCAL... or shop at Amazon through this link Banner Initiative Sleestack