I posted something similar on Facebook earlier this evening, and received the following response from a friend, explaining how Obama will likely go about assigning gay spouses.
I suspect that she’s kidding, and that she doesn’t really have an inside track on how it will go down, but I found the idea to be interesting… Or, at least, I found it a welcomed diversion as I was washing dishes just now. I’d need to break out a tape measure to be sure, but, if I’m not mistaken, the Closest Straight Male (CSM) in proximity to me at the moment is a young former employee of the Ypsi Food Co-op by the name of Adam… who I think would be completely creeped out if he knew that the middle aged father of two next door was, at this very moment, wondering what our married life together would be like.
In all seriousness, we need to start planning one hell of a big street party/riot for later this summer, when we get word from the Supreme Court. Either way, this is going to be huge, historic…. and super gay.
[I apologize for the gratuitous small penis joke above. I really do try to use them sparingly. Something about Kirk Cameron, though, really brings out the worst in me.]
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I blurred out the name of my Facebook friend as I didn’t want this to negatively impact her ability to find gainful employment in the future.
If I had to be with an animal, I’d be with otter.
anoonymous, you mean Tim Matheson? He was an “animal” in the “house”,,,
You should put that caption text in an alt tag for the image so it’s searchable! It would make me very happy if people searching for “Kirk Cameron penis” ended up here.
Gay marriage is the right thing to do. It’s inevitable. And everyone knows that it’s going to happen eventually. But that’s now why I want it to happen. I want it to happen because it will tear apart the Republican party in this country once and for all.
Mike Huckabee: “If GOP accepts gay marriage Evangelicals will form a third party.”
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/wwjtd/2013/03/huckabee-if-gop-accepts-gay-marriage-evangelicals-will-form-a-third-party/
No, I meant real otters. I think they’re beautiful. I don’t know how it would work in a practical sense, given how they live in the ocean, and I live on land, but I think it would be worth exploring, once bestiality becomes the law of the land. I expect that everyone else will gravitate toward sheep dogs.
Say what you will about Kirk Cameron, but the the thought of him and Ken Ham going at it in the Creation Museum late at night makes me feel tingly.
Dear God, if video does exist of Ken Ham and Kirk Cameron making love, please also let Fred Phelps be involved somehow.
If old Tiger Beat magazines are any indication, Kirk Cameron looks pretty hung. He may not be Jon Hamm hung, but he certainly wouldn’t be afraid to piss in a trough urinal because he’s embarrassed. Leonardo DiCaprio pretty much confirmed this when he was doing publicity tours for Titanic.
Hollywood total BS.
Karen, I used to think that people on this site were being unfair when they portrayed you as cock-obsessed, and unusually fixated by Mark’s penis. Now, though, I’m not so sure.
Background on Penisgate:
http://markmaynard.com/2012/01/in-defense-of-my-majestic-penis/
Dogs don’t live long enough to make good life partners. I’d try to find a loveable tortoise, and then make it soft and cuddly by strapping on a pillow.
From the New Yorker:
Everyone knows that same-sex marriage is here to stay; indeed, it’s expanding throughout the country at a pace that few could have imagined just a few years ago. The Justices were not irrelevant to the process, but they weren’t central either. They knew that—and so did everyone else.
I don’t mean to diminish the significance of the issues in the Proposition 8 and DOMA cases. Edith Windsor, the highly appealing plaintiff in the DOMA case, illustrated in stark terms the stakes of that case. She had to pay $363,000 in inheritance taxes because DOMA, the 1996 law, forced the Internal Revenue Service to treat her late wife as a legal stranger. If Justice Anthony Kennedy was previewing his vote with his comments, then Windsor will likely get her money back—not because DOMA is a piece of legislative bigotry, but because Kennedy has a consuming affection for state’s rights. (In other words, he thinks that the states alone should define the meaning of marriage.)
Indirectly, the two most memorable moments in Wednesday’s argument made clear how much the world had changed—and why the Supreme Court was kind of a sideshow to what’s really going on in the country.
About midway through the argument, Paul Clement, who was representing the House Republicans and defending DOMA, was cruising along. He was portraying DOMA as almost a kind of housekeeping measure, designed to keep federal law consistent across all fifty states. As Clement told it, there was almost no ideological content to the law at all.
Then Justice Elena Kagan swiftly and elegantly lowered the boom on him. She said, “Well, is what happened in 1996—and I’m going to quote from the House Report here—is that ‘Congress decided … to express moral disapproval of homosexuality.’” A collective woo went through the audience. Kagan had the temerity to tell what everyone knew to be the truth—that DOMA was a bigoted law designed to humiliate and oppress gay people.
Clement, an eloquent advocate in oral arguments, was reduced to stammering like Ralph Kramden. He said that was not enough to invalidate the law: “Look, we are not going to strike down a statute just because a couple of legislators may have had an improper motive.” But suddenly it was clear. No one could deny that there was an improper motive—anti-gay prejudice—underlying DOMA.
The rest of the article can be found here:
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2013/03/why-the-gay-marriage-fight-is-over.html#ixzz2OqL8cPve
On the subject of splitting the Republican party, this comes from today’s Free Press.
Read more:
http://www.freep.com/article/20130328/NEWS15/130328033
I want to seduce a squeaky frog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBkWhkAZ9ds
The closest straight male to me is my father. :(
You can joke around about this, but it’s real, dammit.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/180188_o.gif
They’re making us gay with their television. You think it’s a joke, but it’s really happening. Will and Grace did more damage to this country than a nuclear weapon. I try to explain this to my family, and they just don’t get it. They don’t understand why. It’s about population. It’s about the rapid depopulation of the planet. They want everyone gay so that there are few children, and less global warming. It’s social engineering by ecofascists.
Rumor is that the Obamacare death panels will also be selecting and assigning us our same-sex mates.
Obama wants to gay sex us to death!
“This isn’t about what we believe either politically or as women and men of faith,” the statement said. “This is about common decency and realizing that you cannot win an election by insulting a wide swath of the electorate, whose votes our Republican Party needs to once again form a national majority.”
In other words, we agree with “Goat-killer Agema” on the substance, it’s just that his messaging was bad…
Can someone make one of these (http://imgur.com/3rCGLZg) with Kirk Cameron and Ken Ham?
What’s Alan Thicke’s opinion on all this?
Rob Reiner will be appointed “Queer Tzar.” He’s on NBC’s Meathead the Press right now rubbing it in.
Personally, I think Mark & Adam would be great together. So cute. But the wives & kids might object.
Prominent Republican warns that straight people will begin entering into gay marriages.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/01/sue-everhart-gay-marriage_n_2991860.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009
Mark, if the gay agenda of our exotic Kenyan/Indonesian, Black-Nationalist/Klansman, Christian/Muslim, socialist/crony-capitalist, Commie-Nazi president really must come to pass, I can only thank our fair-skinned Lord and Savior that you’re the Closest Straight Male!
It’s springtime, and love is in the air!
I just hope they know what they’re getting into. I know the grass is always greener, but marriage isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be.
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