On embracing a future without police and fire personnel

I’ll admit that I was concerned when I first heard the news that we’d be laying off unprecedented numbers of police officers and fire fighters across the state. I understood, of course, that it was vitally important that our most wealthy citizens be allowed to stop contributing toward the greater good, but, being the Nervous Nelly that I am, I worried that there might be a down side. I couldn’t help but think that there might be negative ramifications for those of us who live in Michigan’s aging cities, as our communities were given less and less money to fund our schools, keep our streetlights lit, and pay the salaries of public safety professionals. Those of us who were unable to find our ways into gated communities, I feared, might find our quality of life severely diminished, if not our lifespans themselves. I hadn’t taken into account, though, the incredible resourcefulness and creativity of my fellow Michiganders, who have really stepped up as of late to fill the gap. In Detroit, for instance, they’re piloting an innovative, new “Just Let Buildings Burn” program that requires significantly fewer fire fighters to be on duty. And, across the state, armed, masked vigilantes are heroically stepping in to pick up the slack for overburdened police forces. Here’s the story of one such hero, who calls himself Bee Sting.

Local “Super Hero” Busted by Police: MyFoxDETROIT.com

I, for one, welcome the democratization of law enforcement. I like that, in this newly reinvented Michigan, I no longer have to wait for a cop to show up and fire his service revolver at a man whose motorcycle is idling too loudly. Now, that job can be done by anyone with a brightly-colord pair of leotards, a ski mask, and a concealed firearm. I know I was slow to come to this realization, but, now that I have, I can tell you that it’s incredibly empowering. And I’d like to thank the folks at the Mackinac Center for working so tirelessly to bring this vision of Michigan to reality, and giving us all the opportunity to live like real, rugged individuals, taking control of our own short, violent, uneducated lives, and living them to the fullest. Here’s hoping that, some day soon, everyone across the country has an opportunity to experience the pride that comes with putting out a house fire by oneself, and a shooting person dead who looked as though he could possibly have been a potential intruder.

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  1. Edward
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 6:56 am | Permalink

    Someone mentioned it in an earlier conversation, but the people of Ypsilanti will be able to buy an unprecedented number of buckets for what they save in taxes. Once we have our bucket brigade in place, fires won’t stand a chance. In less than an hour, we’ll be able to supply a constant dribble of water from the Huron to any address in town!

  2. Mr. X
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 7:05 am | Permalink

    I’m going to make myself Ypsi’s resident noise ordinance super hero. I’ll show up at places where I hear noise, and pull weapons on people. I’ll call myself either Mr. Quiet or Hush. And my costume will the that of a librarian. I’ll wear a cardigan full of guns.

  3. Tommy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 7:42 am | Permalink

    This could become a very amusing thread. I envision a city where characters like those on the old Fox cartoon The Tick are in abundance. ‘Hush’ is awesome.

  4. jmo
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 7:54 am | Permalink

    Would be great to find a superhero capable of finding out what really happened to the $13 million spent on the water street debacle.

    Better yet, I’d settle for an ordinary citizen with enough goddamn brains to keep us out of another financial disaster. Like, for example, someone smart enough to realize that an income tax will have negative consequences for us all.

  5. Anonymous Mike
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 8:10 am | Permalink

    I plan to dress like a Redcoat, and ride around town on a Segway, using my taser on panhandlers and people who ride their bikes on the sidewalk. You can call me Mister Mayor.

  6. Pocket Beaver
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 8:11 am | Permalink

    I actually went to High School with Bee Sting. He was always a little bit odd, but who knew he was superhero material?! At least we still have “The Animal” to protect us from evil:


  7. Knox
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 8:31 am | Permalink

    It’s not like he pulled his gun in an attempt to stop a murder. According to the report, he pulled his gun in a heated exchange with someone who was running his motorcycle too loudly. Of all the crimes that take place in and around Detroit each day, is motorcycle volume really the issue that needs to be addressed? I’d have more respect for him, if he charged into a crack house. Pulling a gun on someone revving his bike is like tackling a kid for dropping a gum wrapper. Maybe, though, he did some intensive analysis and determined that motorcycle volume, like broken windows, led to bigger, more serious crimes. Maybe he really is a crime fighting genius.

  8. Mr. Y
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 10:03 am | Permalink

    Welcome to the libertarian paradise of Michigan.

    My super hero characteris called Lights Out. He dismantles streetlights in poor areas of town, saving wealthy tax payers money.

  9. TeacherPatti
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 10:55 am | Permalink

    I am going to be Braille Bomber and go around Brailling random things and teaching random (not necessarily) blind people how to read and write Braille.

    Btw, Boyfriend Ken grew up in a small town in MI that refused to pay taxes for their own police force or fire department and so have to rely on county services. Police take about 20 minutes or more to show up and the fire department “has never lost a foundation”. Charming and bucolic, isn’t it?

  10. Tom
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:04 am | Permalink

    To add to jmo’s oment, I’d like an ordinary citizen to point to real alternatives to either income taxes or bending over backwards to capitalists. Yes, if the object is to attract wealthy pricks with inflated egos and big Toyotas that say GREEN IS THE NEW RED on the back, then I guess you’ll want business as usual, corporate welfare. But if you want more democracy, not less, and a more equitable city, then you’ll have to come up with a much better vision. And it might just not please our local feudal folk, but why should you care?

  11. TaterSalad
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:11 pm | Permalink

    Your socialists at work and every liberal nutcase applauding, just like this website.

    This is what liberals stand for. Hate, riots, murder, scabies, lice and attacking the police and Unions.


  12. Lynne
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:27 pm | Permalink

    I haven’t quite figured out my costume yet but my power is one that will kill two birds with one stone so to speak. My power is to convince our local hookers to mow any lawns where the grass exceeds the limit set by our local ordinance. Maybe my name can be Mowing Ho and my costume can be fishnet stockings, a mini skirt, a shirt with low cleavage and lots and LOTs of makeup (in lieu of a mask).

  13. John Galt
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:46 pm | Permalink

    I’ll have an American flag cape, and a fur coat. My name will be Welfare Queen. I’ll throw food stamps in the faces of poor people as they attempt to register for public assistance, and berate them to the point of tears, calling them America-hating parasites. I’ll also develop a sterilization spray that I can drop from a corporate jet on poor neighborhoods.

  14. Meta
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm | Permalink

    What we need is Captain Hammer!


  15. 734
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    So you mom finally gave your computer privileges back, Tater?

  16. Posted May 3, 2012 at 3:09 pm | Permalink

    Lice and scabies?! That is hilarious.

    I was wondering where Tater has been!

  17. 734
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    I thought George Soros and Obama’s secret army of militant blacks had Breitbart killed. How’s he still blogging?

  18. dirtgrain
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 5:53 pm | Permalink

    Bring back feudalism. I want to be a serf.

  19. Posted May 3, 2012 at 6:04 pm | Permalink

    Tatar Tot–did you even read the article? If it was not for the Occupy folks, the perpetrator would not have been arrested. Some how that does not fit with your stereotype. Seems you are incapable of reading beyond the headlines.

  20. dragon
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 12:02 am | Permalink

    Colorless inflamed scabies sleep furiously.

2 Trackbacks

  1. […] interested, these are all things that we’ve discussed here before.We’ve talked about living in a post public safety world, and the prospect of having to shoot our own bad guys and put out our own fires, like good, little […]

  2. […] here before…. We’ve had really great conversations over the past half-dozen years about living in a post public safety world, and the prospect of having to shoot our own bad guys and put out our own fires, like good, little […]

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