Who needs teachers when we have the Mike Huckabee’s time traveling adolescent truth squad?

    Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee thinks that America’s teachers are putting kids, and the very future of our nation, at risk. Our young people, according to Huckabee, aren’t reaching their full potential, and it has everything to do what he calls “the ‘blame America first’ attitude prevalent in today’s teaching.” Apparently, our teachers are focusing too much on facts, and not enough on perpetuating the myth of American exceptionalism. And, Huckabee is launching a video series to set things right. The kids’ series, which parents and fearful Tea Partying grandparents can subscribe to for about $15 per month, is called Learn Our History, and features a multi-cultural band of kids that travel though history, witnessing the greatest moments of Republican triumph firsthand. (Imagine Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, but with much lower production values, and much less strenuous fact-checking.)

    The idea, it would seem, would be to show kids really poorly done cartoons of historic events, and then tell them that, regardless of what they might have read in books, what they’ve just seen unfold in what looks like pre-Flintstones-era animation, was in fact closer to the truth. Following, on this subject, is an exchange between two time traveling kids in an episode entitled, The Origins of World War II.

    GIRL 1: “What we see and hear isn’t always the same as what we read in books, or see on TV.”

    GIRL 2: “So what? We know the truth. And that’s good enough for us.”

    And that should be good enough for you, too… right?

    Here’s a clip from the episode on Reagan. (I’m guessing that it leaves out the fact that he raised taxes, spoke of a day without nuclear weapons, and traded arms for hostages in violation of the U.S. Constitution.)

    “Reagan believes we can do anything,” says one of the girls. “We just have to get the government out of the way!”

    That’s right… Just think how great society would be without the Environmental Protection Agency and social security slowing us down.

    And I love how they included the little jab at Jimmy Carter at the end. I’m glad that being “unbiased” and “non-partisan,” didn’t keep them from adding that. I just wish that they’d gone a little farther and shown Carter as the sniveling little coward that he really was, clinging to his wife’s apron strings, and wetting his pants before the majesty of Ronald Reagan.

    Personally, I hope this catches on, and Huckabee launches an in-school education network that can replace teachers and their un-American agendas altogether. Just think of the cost savings that could be had. We could easily pack 100 kids in a classroom, under the supervision of a single armed guard making minimum wage, and play these videos all day long. And, better yet, maybe the kids could sort medical waste as they watched.

    [note: I know it might sound a little self-serving, but I hope that Huckabee, once he's covered all the high points of Republican history, takes the opportunity to help out his son by creating an episode about that time he valiantly tried to rescue that dog.]

    update: Perhaps because of this post, Hucakbee just announced that he will not be running for President in 2012.

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      9 Comments

      1. Redleg
        Posted May 15, 2011 at 2:47 pm | Permalink

        Was there a side trip to one of the “Creation Museums”? I do love Jeebus petting the dino’s……

      2. dragon
        Posted May 15, 2011 at 3:21 pm | Permalink

        Well, in a completely unscientific poll, I just asked my two kids what they would do if they could time travel, and without prodding they both said “kick Mike Huckabee’s pregnant mom down a flight of stairs”. So, there you have it.

      3. Robert
        Posted May 15, 2011 at 3:56 pm | Permalink

        I wonder if they’ll have an episode where the kids time-travel back to watch the David Huckabee torturing and killing that dog, and they’ll see that it was actually for a good reason and not just because his dad raised a psychopath, as all the liberals want us to believe.

      4. mSS
        Posted May 15, 2011 at 8:35 pm | Permalink

        Why would they pay the security guard minimum wage? Supply would most likely outpace demand.

      5. Posted May 16, 2011 at 9:53 am | Permalink

        Does anyone see the incongruity of a minister of Baby Jesus jamming to “Cat Scratch Fever”? Of course, evangelical Xianity is filled with incongruous (some might prefer “hypocritical”) figures and activity.

      6. Alice Krum
        Posted May 17, 2011 at 10:36 am | Permalink

        If any of you are riled up about phony bullshit being passed off as educational material, I’ve got a petition that you can sign. It doesn’t have anything to do with Hucakbee, though. The petition is against the trusted children’s publisher Scholastic. They’re taking corporate money and making faux educational materials for schools in order “to promote client objectives” and “make a difference by influencing attitudes and behaviors.” They’ve been caught doing if for the coal lobby and others, and we think it’s time that they stop. If you agree, sign the petition here.

        http://www.change.org/petitions/tell-scholastic-stop-pushing-corporate-pr-in-classrooms?utm_source=action_alert&utm_medium=email&alert_id=XjZTygzXWR_QbEKnGWOem

      7. TaterSalad
        Posted May 18, 2011 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

        How much do you want to bet that the libtards will “Still” whine and cry about their entitlements?

        http://detroit.cbslocal.com/2011/05/18/report-public-school-funding-gets-a-boost/

      8. Ricky
        Posted May 19, 2011 at 8:35 am | Permalink

        I think this asshole is going to get the nomination. God help us all. How can anyone with half a brain (or less) not see through this crap? Wait…oh ya…they are conservatives aren’t they. By definition that means dumb ass sheep. BaaBaaBaaa

      9. Idea Man
        Posted July 6, 2011 at 11:59 pm | Permalink

        I have heard that the animation is being done by Chinese prisoners. When their productivity drops, their organs are harvested. Cruel, yes. But efficient. We could learn from them.

      2 Trackbacks

      1. [...] so they can do things like purchase online American history modules from the likes of Mike Huckabee.Michigan Education Association (MEA) President Steve Cook had the following to say when made aware [...]

      2. [...] how the story begins…Two years ago this week, I posted something about a subscription-based, animated web series being launched by Mike Huckabee, in which a team of patriotic young protagonists travel through time, witnessing historic events [...]

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