New business idea #137: the communications enabled pregnancy test

    gilead

    I know the Republicans claim to be all about slashing the budget right now, but I suspect they could find a few million dollars to fund this initiative of mine.

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      18 Comments

      1. Posted February 14, 2011 at 6:50 am | Permalink

        They could then send a representative to your house to give you periodic ultrasounds.

        This is a great idea, Mark.

      2. Knox
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 6:58 am | Permalink

        I don’t think the woman should be trusted with the results. I think she should have to wait a few hours, until there’s a knock at the door.

      3. Eloisa Hoh
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 8:00 am | Permalink

        I wish there were a way I could keep my uterus and vagina in some kind of central repository. I don’t feel as though I can be trusted with them.

      4. Posted February 14, 2011 at 8:34 am | Permalink

        Fertile women can’t be trusted, it’s written in the Bible that they are nothing but trouble.

        We should make sure that the people who visit her home are either men or post-menopausal.

      5. notoneofthecoolkids
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 9:03 am | Permalink

        So on point! Love it! Can I post this on my facebook page?

      6. Edward
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 9:19 am | Permalink

        What about a box of tampons that was connected to the internet, so that the government knew when a woman wasn’t menstruating?

      7. John Galt
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 9:43 am | Permalink

        Women are sneaky, and will find a way around this. I propose that we make it mandatory that all toilets be equipped with technology that would check their urine for the presence of pregnancy hormones. If such hormones are noted alerts can be sent. (I also think that a dye pack could be deployed, marking the woman.) And, if the woman happens to be in a public restroom at the time, the stall doors can be automatically sealed.

      8. TeacherPatti
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 9:44 am | Permalink

        Yeah, I think Edward is right…you can’t trust us silly wimmins to be able to tell when the stick is blue. And you certainly don’t want us reading words liks “yes” or “no”.

      9. John Galt
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 9:48 am | Permalink

        It’s all very confusing for women. Often times, when they say no, they mean yes. It’s better that male doctors and/or politicians assess the results.

      10. dragon
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 9:52 am | Permalink

        Fetus don’t fail me now.

      11. Posted February 14, 2011 at 10:23 am | Permalink

        Really Patti, I think that the solution is to stop educating women. Them knowing how to read is really confusing the issue. They really need to just get to what they are good at and stop this playing around wanting to vote and get jobs.

      12. Kim
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 10:24 am | Permalink

        A timely bulletin from Planned Parenthood:

        Congress will vote this week on a bill to eliminate funding for Title X — a program that provides women with birth control, cancer screenings, HIV testing, and more. Anti-choice leaders in Congress want to completely eliminate this crucial funding, particularly for Planned Parenthood. This bill would cut off millions of women from care they have no other way to afford, leaving them at increased risk of sickness and death.

        This is the most dangerous legislative assault on women’s health and Planned Parenthood in our 95-year history. Help protect Planned Parenthood and the women, men, and teens who rely on us by contacting your representative and telling him or her to vote “NO” on any attempt to end Title X funding for Planned Parenthood and others.

        https://secure.ppaction.org/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=12524

      13. Robin Corli
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 6:08 pm | Permalink

        My vagina should call a spiritual leader every time it begins to moisten.

      14. TeacherPatti
        Posted February 14, 2011 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

        I maybe shouldn’t say this publicly, but I gotta wonder what the NeoCons would do to me, a would-be fertile woman who is voluntarily spayed. Would you yank the little clamps off of my fallopian tubes? Gosh but that would hurt! Well, I guess if I disappear for awhile, you’ll know that some NeoCon learned to read for comprehension and found this website.

      15. Virgil Lamplighter
        Posted February 15, 2011 at 2:55 am | Permalink

        I was on line today in a department store. I was behind a semi attractive, young, tall, skinny girl. She put her things on the counter. She had about two dozen little boxes of different types of candy (Mike and Ike, Jolly Ranchers, that type of stuff). Of course, it was Valentine’s day, but the candy wasn’t that kind. The boxes didn’t look like those special occasion candies. Just normal sugary sweet stuff. I thought wow, this youngster has a dozen kids or one hell of a sweet tooth.
        Then I noticed that the last little box she put on the counter was not a little box of candy but a home pregnancy test. It was all clear to me.
        I thought about talking to the girl on line there and striking up a conversation about pregnancy tests and candy or whatever, but that would have been waaay too weird. Or maybe not?
        Anyhow, interesting story.
        Sorry, nothing to do with Mark’s post, but funny anyway.

      16. Erf
        Posted February 19, 2011 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

        I know that you’re kidding, but this actually isn’t a bad idea. If we distributed these for free in urban areas, I suspect we’d capture a lot of would-be baby killers before they have an opportunity to act.

      17. Dungeon Master
        Posted February 25, 2011 at 3:38 pm | Permalink

        I think your pregnancy test/fetus protection notification business plan from last week just found a market:

        http://wonkette.com/439234/fun-proposed-georgia-law-would-give-death-penalty-for-having-abortion-or-miscarriage#more-439234

      18. Weesus
        Posted August 16, 2013 at 9:13 am | Permalink

        Please delete this post before some asshole makes it happen.

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