On almost catching a Newt in the act of mating

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In the early 90’s, I was living in Atlanta and managing a Kinko’s. I don’t talk about it often, as it wasn’t a great time in my life. Linette and I started our magazine, Crimewave USA, and got to know some incredible folk artists, but, other than that, our lives were pretty empty. We lived in a suburb devoid of any culture what-so-ever, and worked our asses off. At any rate, I mention it because one day, on my way between Kinko’s and our apartment complex, which was at the intersection of 75 and Windy Hill, I decided to take a walk and pulled over at a little wooded area. I might be remembering incorrectly, but I think it was Sope Creek Park, as I liked to hike around the ruins of the old paper mill there. Anyway, as I pulled into the small parking lot, I noted a big, white sedan with two “Newt” bumper stickers. I didn’t think much of it, though. Then, as I got out of my car, and headed into the woods, I saw his swollen, red face coming toward me, up the trail. He was accompanied by a younger woman. We passed within inches of one another. I nodded, and mumbled, “hello.” He, as I recall, did the same. My first thought, after cursing myself for not having brought my camera, was that he was having an affair. As it was a weird time of day, and as they were dressed in business clothes, I didn’t see as how it could be anything else. Actually, I suppose he could have just been walking around for exercise, and maybe talking strategy with this woman, but that’s not the vibe that I got at the time.

As it was probably around 1994 or ’95, it’s likely that the person accompanying Newt was Callista Bisek, the women he would later leave his second wife for… Incidentally, he left his second wife, Marianne, who was suffering from Multiple Sclerosis at the time, saying the following: “It doesn’t matter what I do. People need to hear what I have to say. There’s no one else who can say what I say. It doesn’t matter what I live.” Oh, and he was cheating with Bisek the whole time that he was trying to have Clinton impeached for receiving a blowjob.

It’s weird to think about it, but had I been a few minutes earlier, and had my camera, it’s possible that I could have brought Newt Gingrich down that afternoon, possibly changing the course of history.

Oh, and if you haven’t heard, Newt says he plans to run for President in 2012.

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20 Comments

  1. jeff davis
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 7:00 am | Permalink

    AS SEEN ON ANNARBOR.COM

    Ex-pro wrestler to challenge Ypsilanti Mayor Paul Schreiber as a write-in candidate in November
    Topics: Elections, Government, News, Ypsilanti
    Comment Now Share this article Print Email Share Posted: Aug 14, 2010 at 6:00 AM [Today]

    As a write-in candidate for the Nov. 2 Ypsilanti mayoral election, Jeff Davis concedes he’s in a “David and Goliath situation” running against incumbent Mayor Paul Schreiber.

    But the 35-year-old Ypsilanti resident is campaigning hard daily. On Thursday evening, he said he walked 15 miles throughout the city, shaking hands with any residents he bumped into.

    Despite the odds, Davis says he remains committed and is seeking to inspire Ypsilanti residents to get more involved with their city.

    “I’m out there talking to a lot of people and it’s all about inspiring them to make this city greater,” he said. “If one person can make a difference, what can 20,000-plus inspired Ypsilantians do?”

    Since he filed as a write-in candidate, Davis, a former pro wrestler who now collects disability due to his injuries, won’t have his name listed on the ballot. Those voting for him must write in his name on a blank line.

    Schreiber, who recently defeated Council Member Pete Murdock in the August Democratic primary, is the only candidate who will be listed on the ballot. No independent or Republican candidates filed. Any additional candidates seeking write-in status must register with the Ypsilanti City Clerk by Oct. 22.

    Davis said the low voter turnout in the August primary provided inspiration for his campaign. He said some precincts reported turnouts in the low-teens, and he wants to see more from his neighbors.

    Davis’s prior political experience includes an unsuccessful run at the supervisor’s office in Dexter Township in 1996 when he was 21 years old. Two years later, he says he served as an assistant campaign manager for 52nd district state house candidate Julie Knight.

    Davis touched on the largest issues facing Ypsilanti, including Water Street, economic vitality, the Thompson Block and crime.

    He said he would like to see the city host more festivals set up in the streets instead of in the parks, which would provide a boost to local merchants.

    Davis offered ideas on bringing life to Water Street, including holding street fairs, markets or other similar events to generate excitement around the property.

    “That way when a developer looks at it they say ‘Oh, there is already interest in the area.’ You’ve got to bring interest to the area to bring the developers there,” Davis said, adding that he heard off-site gambling suggested as a way to quickly generate revenue, but was unsure Ypsilanti residents were in favor of the idea.

    Davis said he supports saving the Thompson Block building, but cited a recent engineer’s report deeming it unsafe as a reason for labeling it a liability, and called for quick action from all parties involved.

    “We need to lock the council, lock the mayor, lock the arbitrator and Beal in city hall until it’s settled, even if they have to order pizza for three days straight,” he said.

    Those who attended a June debate between Schreiber and Murdock – moderated by puppet Mark Maynard – would recognize Davis as the wrestler “Bash Boulder,” who sent in a video question asking the candidates what they would do about crime after he had been attacked and tied to a chair.

    Schreiber said he commended Davis for taking enough interest in the city to run for office.

    —————————————————————————————————————

    the only misquote was about the festivals not being centered in the parks. what i actually said was “when they’re centered in the parks have events & attractions on the streets as well to attract people to the store fronts.

    p.s. thanks for the great artical MR Perkins.

  2. Brackinald Achery
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 8:12 am | Permalink

    We like you jeff, but you risk turning people off by posting stuff about you and your run on every thread.

  3. Posted August 14, 2010 at 8:39 am | Permalink

    I attended Jeff Davis Jr High school in Jacksonville Fl way back when and I hated every minute of it. I get a little acid reflux every time I see, read or hear the name.

    If Mark had taken a pic or vid of Newt after getting his blow job, his life would be completely different today.

  4. lorie thom
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 2:57 pm | Permalink

    ah er…why did Jeff “retire” from wrestling?

  5. Posted August 14, 2010 at 5:11 pm | Permalink

    So no one wants to talk about Newt getting blown in the woods?

    And, yeah, I would have maybe had a career like Michael Moore’s or something. If only one damned customer hadn’t held me up that extra five minutes.

  6. Posted August 14, 2010 at 5:12 pm | Permalink

    And what do you think his prospects are in the Presidential election? I’d like to think that he’d split the conservative vote, so I kind of want him in the race, but you never know… There’s a slim chance that he could win.

  7. Posted August 14, 2010 at 6:34 pm | Permalink

    Gingrich is a hypocritical dork and should be cast into the burning caverns of hell. In other words he has a slim chance of being the Republican nominee.

  8. Bob
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

    You’re lucky he didn’t have you “erased.” I think Newt has almost no chance. I don’t think anyone, his own party included, likes the guy. Grade A d-bag.

  9. Jules
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 9:01 am | Permalink

    He’ll never run, Mark. It’s a game he plays. He couldn’t stand up to the scrutiny that an actual run would bring to his personal life.
    Honestly, can’t some of these old bastards just die already? I’m so sick of them. Newt Gingrich, Alan Simpson, Ed Meese, Phyllis Schafly, geez, I could go on but I won’t. Just get the fuck off the planet. Well, at least that putrid, corrupt piece of shit Ted Stevens is dead. That’s a start.

  10. Michael
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 7:43 pm | Permalink

    Fuck. I haven’t had to think about Ed Meese for going on 6 months. Thanks a fucking lot.

  11. Posted August 15, 2010 at 8:23 pm | Permalink

    Now you have me thinking about how excellent it would have been if I’d caught Ed Meese sucking of Newt in the woods…

    And I’m still not convinced that the Republicans won’t offer up a Palin/Gingrich ticket.

  12. Dirtgrain
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 8:37 pm | Permalink

    Michelle Bachman left a robocall message last week in which she bashed some candidate (Bernaro? I hung up so fast). What a dumb country we have.

  13. Posted August 15, 2010 at 9:12 pm | Permalink

    Damn, I wish you’d listened, Dirtgrain. I’d love to know if Bachman was placing calls on Rick Snyder’s behalf. I can’t imagine that he’d be into that, but I guess you never know.

  14. Edward
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 11:47 am | Permalink

    Not only could you have changed history, but you also could have become rich. If I’m not mistaken, this is around the same time that Larry Flint was offering $1,000,000 for anyone with evidence of Republican infidelity.

  15. notoneofthecoolkids
    Posted March 9, 2011 at 11:23 am | Permalink

    I can’t help but remember this post when I see Newt on the news so much lately. So funny, especially your description, “I saw his swollen, red face coming toward me…”
    Classic

  16. French Sand
    Posted March 9, 2011 at 11:29 am | Permalink

    Mass exodus to Denmark, Sweden, and Iceland will begin when this man who has fucked every housekeeper in GA is elected to President.

  17. John Galt
    Posted March 9, 2011 at 11:38 am | Permalink

    Your eyeballs would have melted right out of your head had you seen his glorious, magical shaft in action.

  18. French Sand
    Posted March 9, 2011 at 11:41 am | Permalink

    Like a maggot tunneling into a pumpkin.

  19. Mr. X
    Posted May 11, 2011 at 4:07 pm | Permalink

    This post is going to get lit up, what with all the attention on candidate Gignrich.

    Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced via Twitter that he is seeking the 2012 Republican presidential nomination.

    Gingrich, an 11-term former congressman from Georgia, becomes the first of the serious contenders to formally announce his candidacy.

    Gingrich, a strong critic of President Obama, has been a polarizing figure in the past, pushing for the repeal of the health care law signed by Obama and gaining unwanted attention for his personal life.

    The former college professor led the GOP effort to regain control of the House in 1994, dubbed the “Republican Revolution,” and spearheaded the Contract with America. He was later disciplined by Congress in 1997 for ethics violations before he left as speaker after the 1998 midterm elections.

    He’s like Trump, but fatter, and with worse hair.

  20. gitche gumby
    Posted June 26, 2013 at 1:04 am | Permalink

    Why don’t we have a public beach where Newt can fuck when we have a river?

One Trackback

  1. By The rise of Newt on September 12, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    […] in hell that so-called “values” voters would elect a man who we now know to have been boning his mistress in the forests of Georgia between heated moral tirades against the wicked adulterer, Bill Clinton, but I’m not so sure. […]

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