What happens at McDonald’s?

Yesterday was the first time I heard Clementine say the word, “McDonald’s.”

She came up to me as I was standing in the living room, and said, “Can we go to McDonald’s?”

Caught a bit off-guard, I quickly ran through a few different responses and decided to go with, “What’s McDonald’s, Sweety?”

She just looked at me for a moment, blankly.

I repeated the question, and then she said, “I don’t know, but all the kids at school say they go there.”

To which I responded, “I wonder if it’s like the doctor’s office… Maybe kids go there for shots.”

We haven’t talked about it since.

[Linette tells me that she’s heard that Happy Meals are just $.99 on Wednesdays.]

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  1. Ol' E Cross
    Posted March 11, 2009 at 9:35 pm | Permalink

    My daughter learned about McDonald’s from those helpful PBS sponsorships.

    Thankfully, I’ve been able to convince her (using a slightly modified version of Hansel and Gretel) that Ronald is a giant zombie with flaming hair that swoops down to scoop up and devour little children and their parents.

  2. Posted March 11, 2009 at 9:45 pm | Permalink

    How can anyone afford to say no to a 99-cent happy meal?

    OK, now I’m going to follow your link… I’m bracing myself for something truly vile.

  3. Brackinald Achery
    Posted March 11, 2009 at 9:48 pm | Permalink

    Wow, I didn’t know they made a Balrog float.

  4. Posted March 11, 2009 at 9:49 pm | Permalink

    I took my daughter there the other day, the one on East Michigan Ave. She loved it as we shared a big breakfast and she used a fork like a big girl. An old guy sitting by himself chatted with us about the weather and about his daughter who he rembered when she was little but now is 45. Another old guy, a regular, stopped by to say hi. A few minutes later, I was talking with another friendly McDonalds customer as we all ate breakfast. It was great.

    I also have memories of my grandpa taking me there as a kid. I’ve always loved McDonalds and I still do. I go about a couple times a month and it’s really one of life’s simple pleasures. I think you’re missing out Mark!

    I just with they’d bring back the McRib.

  5. Stella
    Posted March 11, 2009 at 10:20 pm | Permalink

    My brother had his kids convinced that the ice cream truck was actually the garbageman.

  6. kristin
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 5:17 am | Permalink

    The shot thing is genius. Way more humane than the electric collar.

  7. Paw
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 7:33 am | Permalink

    My daughter is 17 and still doesn’t know where babies come from. I’m incredibly proud of the bubble I’ve constructed around her.

    And what a tease you are, publishing a story on 99 cent Wednesday happy meals just as the calendar was flipping to Thursday. You are such a cruel, cruel man.

  8. Mike
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 8:03 am | Permalink

    Would you order her the McGoatse Happy Meal? I heard it comes with a juice, fries, and two years of therapy.

  9. Brackinald Achery
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 11:13 am | Permalink

    “Hmmm… the other kids are happy after they go to McDonalds. Maybe getting shots makes you happy… or at least the special kind of shots that the other kids do and daddy doesn’t seem to want me to do.”

  10. Posted March 12, 2009 at 11:49 am | Permalink

    This is just the beginning. Fundamentalist Christian parents go through the same thing.

  11. Jeff
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    My 6 and 3 year old have yet to set foot inside one but the Happy Meal conversation recently reared its ugly head when my eldest learned from a friend that he got a Clone Wars figure from there one in the past. I told him it was probably just a Count Dooku car and who’d want one of those. Don’t know how long that one will work but I’m praying we can keep him McD free for, oh, like the next 10 years.

    So far, the only fast food place they know even exists is Chipotle and Q’Doba.

  12. Ol' E Cross
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 12:34 pm | Permalink

    More proof that Ronald eats children.

  13. Daniel
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 1:01 pm | Permalink

    Mark – that’s the funniest damn thing I’ve read in awhile… “maybe kids go there for shots…”

  14. GlenS
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    Technically, the shots don’t start on the first visit … but usually happen after many repeated visits … once the Type 2 Diabetes begins to kick in.

  15. Lindsay
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 1:29 pm | Permalink

    The Grimace is horrifying. He’s soul trapped in purgatory. No one can tell me different.

  16. Fropen Joyen
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 1:31 pm | Permalink

    America deserves the MacDonalds.

  17. Brackinald Achery
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 4:10 pm | Permalink

    The place has really turned into a lawless dystopia since the disappearance of Officer Big Mac and Mayor McCheese.

  18. Oliva
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

    What a stellar answer to Clementine’s question. It obviously pays to pause before answering and also pays to be a clever fellow.

  19. Ol' E Cross
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    BA. It’s true. McDonald’s has disintegrated into a cesspit of senseless violence and revenge.

  20. Brackinald Achery
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 4:23 pm | Permalink

    Finally, in honor of St. Patrick’s Day…

  21. Brackinald Achery
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 4:30 pm | Permalink

    Skin diving?

  22. Brackinald Achery
    Posted March 12, 2009 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

    Okay, last one.

    Its depiction of a golden age in McDonald Land does seem to support the proMcBigGovernment idealogues, I hate to admit.

  23. Posted March 12, 2009 at 8:41 pm | Permalink

    Chicken mc nuggets — vile place!

  24. Posted March 12, 2009 at 8:53 pm | Permalink

    Chicken nuggets are actually chicken???

    I learn so much here!

  25. Dirtgrain
    Posted March 13, 2009 at 5:58 am | Permalink

    Chicken is not supposed to have bubbles in it.

  26. egnb
    Posted March 13, 2009 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    Our Clementine recognizes Burger King, which is next door to her daycare, and where she sometimes gets a kids’ meal of Mac n Cheese, apple “fries” and milk.

    During one late night drive to see my parents, we did a BK drivethru while Clementine was sleeping. She was just succumbing to a nasty virus, and she woke up in time to projectile vomit just as we were leaving the drivethru.

    The next time we stopped by that particular BK, she recognized it as “the Burger King where I threw up!” However, it has not deterred her one bit.

  27. Posted March 13, 2009 at 9:31 am | Permalink

    Wait till Clementine’s friends find out her dad’s never heard of McDonald’s! And I don’t think kids need shots there; isn’t the beef already pumped full of meds?

  28. Oliva
    Posted March 13, 2009 at 3:46 pm | Permalink

    I know the points been made before, but here’s something from the new UM Alumni Newsletter:

    Researchers at the University of Michigan have found that the risk of stroke increases with the number of fast-food restaurants in a neighborhood.

    In the study, residents of neighborhoods with the highest number of fast-food restaurants had a 13 percent higher relative risk of suffering ischemic strokes than those living in areas with the lowest number of restaurants. The relative risk of stroke increased 1 percent for each fast food restaurant in a neighborhood.

    What’s not known at this time is whether the presence of fast-food restaurants causes the increased risk of stroke—or if they are simply markers of unhealthy neighborhoods. –Shantell Kirkendoll

  29. Brackinald Achery
    Posted March 13, 2009 at 4:13 pm | Permalink

    Not that I think eating at McD’s is a great idea for long term health, but, like they allude to in the last paragraph, correlation does not imply causation.

    Furthermore, this statement: What’s not known at this time is whether the presence of fast-food restaurants causes the increased risk of stroke—or if they are simply markers of unhealthy neighborhoods poses a false dilemma.

    Sorry to fault-find, I just hate fallacious research posing as scientific research. We invented the scientific method for a reason.

  30. MVC
    Posted September 15, 2012 at 1:23 pm | Permalink

    They don’t inoculate. They indoctrinate.

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