A fantastic piece from Comedy Centrals Daily Show on the Republican partys talking points concerning the Kerry/Edwards ticket and how adept their spokespeople are at repeatedly spitting out these memorized phrases and drilling them into the minds of the American people. Terrifying, but effective.
Tonights going to be pretty laid back for me. Im just going to pour myself a big, frosty doughnut drink and curl up with the 9/11 Commission report.
…Concerning the new Krispy Kreme doughnut drink, how many of you out there are just smacking yourselves in the head thinking, “Why didn’t I come up with that?” Its one of those things that just seems so fucking obvious in retrospect, isnt it? To think that weve all been spending these past centuries like animals, just washing down glazed doughnuts with the likes of coffee, milk and juice when liquefied doughnut drinks were out there, just waiting to be discovered.
I ask you, could the Krispy Kreme IV be too far away?
And speaking of the 9/11 Comission report, I’d suggest that you start with the chapter on 9/11 humor. Tom Kean’s got some great one-liners.
I had what I thought was a pretty stupid idea as I was walking across town this afternoon. I thought, I wonder if Linette and I could get an issue of Crimewave out before the presidential election? I dismissed the idea pretty quickly, thinking that there just couldnt possibly be enough time, given the baby, the work on the house, and all the rest of it. But then, less than a half-hour later, the phone rang. It was Virgin Records and they wanted to place an ad, if we had an issue coming out in early to mid-October. Well, when coincidences like that happen, I figure its usually for a reason, so I called Linette to see what she thought. She liked the idea So, with that, Im hereby officially announcing that Crimewave 16 is now in production. If you have article ideas, let me know Theres a good chance that we wont finish in time, but Id like to think that we just might.
And, while were on the subject of half-assed journalism, heres a good example from Cincinnati, where someone working at a television station apparently took it upon him or herself to editorialize in a press release Heres the last line of what went out on the AP wire:
Investigators are not sure if Powell died where her body was found or if she was killed elsewhere, WLWT Eyewitness News 5’s most-overrated, obnoxious, annoying, stick-like, ho-bag, sperm-receptacle staff member Raegan Butler reported.
And remember, if any of you overrated, obnoxious, annoying, stick-like, ho-bag, sperm-receptacles out there want to submit something to Criemwave, drop me a line.
A few weeks ago, there was a fairly serious gas leak here in town. People were evacuated from a few blocks and the Ypsilanti police and fire departments were sent into the homes where no one answered so that they could look for people, blow out pilot lights, etc. Well, theres been a rumor buzzing around town since then that in one house they came across what seemed to be a private gentlemens club, complete with full bar and stripper pole. Well, on the Detroit news last night there was finally verification, and questions are starting to be asked about the behavior of our public servants, who, upon stumbling into this apparent blind pig, decided to toss the place (I suppose its difficult to turn away when you stumble across boxes of beaver shots) instead of first getting a search warrant. My friend Steve, over at the Seat of Revolution, has a transcript of the broadcast, in case youre interested.
It would appear that the fellow who owned the house, a Mr. Dennis Barger, had a security camera that caught the whole thing. Not only that, but he also apparently didnt care about the negative repercussions that might come from widespread knowledge of his basement activities. So, he started talking to the press, and now our guys in uniform are under the gun. It sucks for them, but it would appear that they did break the law and violate this fellows civil rights. Fortunately, it was all caught on tape. Otherwise, it most likely never would have come out.
Linette and Clementine are gone again tonight and I miss them. Im sitting here at the kitchen table, hoping that my current bout of diarrhea isnt symptomatic of lead poisoning, and trying to draw a comic about Clementines birth for the next issue of the Ann Arbor Paper. Im finding the comic really difficult to draw. I cant seem to strike a good balance between humor and sincerity… I also cant stand my drawings of her. For some reason it doesnt really bother me when I draw other people as misshapen, asymmetrical and lumpy versions of themselves, but it does with her. I want my drawings of her to convey how beautiful and perfect I think she is. Unfortunately, I dont seem to have the capacity for conveying beauty. Funny how that’s never been an issue for me until just now.
Perhaps I will feel better if I go to the fridge and find a beer. My hope is that theres a Harp or a Tecate somewhere near the back. I try to toss one back there every now and then for such an occasion as this…
Last night, as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I asked myself that old question, If you could have dinner with any four people from history, who would they be? Being in a somewhat political frame of mind at the time, it occurred to me that it would probably be in everyones best interest if I invited our current president and some of our nations founding fathers. (My thought was that they might be able to talk some sense into him.) I cant recall which I settled on, but I was considering the likes of Franklin, Jefferson, Lincoln and Adams. As I lay there, considering this dinner party of mine, I started to imagine how it would unfold and how absolutely overwhelmed my guests from earlier times would be in the present world. (Do you recall Ben Franklins visit to the Stevens household on Bewitched? Well, my dream was kind of like that.) I was laying there, panicking about what I could possibly say to these men in a few minutes that could ready them for a discussion which would take us from corporate malfeasance to the situation in the Middle East. I got bogged down in the details. I remember thinking that before I could explain 9/11 to Mr. Lincoln that Id have to first explain to him what airplanes and skyscrapers were. That realization, for some reason, freaked me out. Then, I just sat there thinking that if such a dinner really were to take place, that wed all most likely just eat in silence. (Maybe, if things went well, Bush would talk about baseball and the others would feign interest.) Thats what I was thinking about as I fell asleep last night
Oh, I found that beer, by the way. And now Im going to slink back to the couch and try to draw a picture of my new daughter that wont have her saying bad things about me later in life Speaking of not have good things to say about ones parents, if youre a fan of childrens author Daniel Pinkwater, as I am, you may want to check out the interview he did last week with Terry Gross. Most interesting to me was his discussion of his childhood and just how much he continues to dislike his mother. Saying that she was awful and cruel, he confessed that, because of her, hes had a difficult time writing sympathetic mother characters. I never suspected that from his work though. Parents, as I recall, seldom make appearances in Pinkwater books. Perhaps this is why. (Thanks to Chelsea Lowe for tipping me off to this interview.)
And, while we’re on the subject, if youve never read my interview with Pinkwater, you should check it out.
