Late last night, I received the first response to my request for an image of a small dog with no lower jaw and one very enlarged nipple. It came from a man in Pittsburg. Unfortunately, I cannot show you the image here as it contains a great deal of profanity and such. It also, surprisingly, contains no image of a dog. The one discernable image is of what seems to be an angry looking, middle-aged man.

Then, this evening, I received the following note from the artist who had written the night before.

Sorry about last night’s email, and my rude doodle. I had been drinking. I just re-read your blog and realized “Paco” is a jawless dog, and not a local bartender or cab driver. I am sorry.

As for the drawing of Paco, the lower-jaw-less dog with the enlarged nipple, I am still accepting submissions and will be until the first day in June.

A heaping basket of Were All Being Fucked: Paul Krugman chimes in on the Bush tax plan and what the motivations behind it might be. The term pure evil comes to mind.

A side of lube: Portlands David Miller wants us all to read this article advocating a radical change in teen sex education. It was an interesting article, but I felt a bit awkward when I got to the part about Lizzie McGuires skintight tank top and a Spandex butt-hugging miniskirt. At the point when the author describes her as, looking all flirty and nubile and coyly edible, it dawned on me that maybe the author had a few issues of his own.

A tall, carbonated drink of American ingenuity: Old school assassination squads, and new, state-of-the-art death camps.

A pickle spear of fanaticism: Please read, or at least skim, this article, entitled America Goes Backward, by Harvard professor Stanley Hoffman. Itll bring you up to speed pretty quickly on whats been going on the past few months. Now that the networks are in reruns, youve got the time to invest.

A steaming dish of police state: Come for the Big Mac, stay for the Big Brother. Last week, police in Fort Myers, Florida were posing as employees of a McDonalds, working at a drive-thru window. This position allowed them the opportunity to look into vehicles for potential infractions, getting around that pesky probable cause thing. Several people were arrested and/or ticketed during the sting.

In related news, Mr. Smallwood writes in to let us all know about the Virginia Beach police Friendship Patrol, a squad that hunts down thongs and foul language. Heres a clip:

As the summer season picks up, not one but two niceness squadrons — a Youth Intervention Team keeping partygoers in line and older volunteers on the Friendship Patrol — will help Virginia Beach police nab violators on the city’s busy main strip, boardwalk and new beachfront, a $123 million refurbishment completed last summer

Some tourists aren’t even aware of the city’s myriad regulations, Fuller said, such as the one prohibiting loud car stereos or Ordinance 22-10, otherwise known as the Thong Law, which prohibits exposure of “buttocks, with less than a fully opaque covering.”

While were on the subject, I also want to share this article on distributed computing and how a new business plan is suggesting that its power be harnessed for national security, essentially by making people throughout the country virtual security guards at sensitive American locations.

Here’s my suggestion, my business idea… What if we use distributed computing to inspect the opaque coverings on the buttocks of beach-goers? Men and women around the world could log-in to their computers and scan live beach scenes from Fort Myers, looking for hazardous crack infractions.