I’ve written here in the past about the giant, angry half-Jesus that crouches alongside the highway between here and Cincinnati, ready to leap on sinners, having dug himself out from the earth’s core with a crucifix like some kind of Japanese B-movie monster. The family and I drive by it about a half dozen times a year, on our way to and from my parents’ house in Kentucky, and it never fails to illicit a response from Clementine. She usually yells “Butter Jesus,” which is our pet name for the monstrous chicken wire, foam and plaster savior. Well, it was hit by lightening yesterday. (Curiously, the Hustler store on the other side of the highway was left untouched.) Here’s a clip from the Cincinnati Enquirer:
…Monroe fire officials set damage at $700,000 after lighting struck and burned down a 62-foot-high Jesus Christ statue and an adjacent amphitheater at Solid Rock Church late Monday.
Police are now ticketing motorists that are slowing down on I-75 to look at the landmark, one whose construction was nearly as controversial as its destruction.
Church leaders are vowing to rebuild the iconic “King of Kings” statue – also dubbed “Touchdown Jesus” – which alone was valued at $300,000…
And that, to me, is the most fascinating thing. I want to joke about how this is clearly a sign that God doesn’t appreciate the attention of fundamentalist nut jobs who use his image to get rich, but I can’t get beyond the price tag. The idea that they paid, or claim to have have paid $300k for this monstrosity, is absolutely beyond me. I can’t help but think that something is up, like someone from the church where this thing is housed got a hefty kickback. It’s not exactly an apples to apples comparison, but I’ve got to think that if you can build a monumental kitty for $1,500 in Detroit, you can build a Quicksand Jesus, which is something else that I’ve heard the statue called, for considerably less than $300,000 in Monroe, Ohio. But maybe this was an insurance scam from the start. The thing was, after all, built around a couple of enormous lightening rods. Maybe the plan all along was to build it, insure it for a ton of money, and then wait for the inevitable.
And, I’m not one to tell someone how they should spend their tax-free dollars, but it seems to me that, if it really did cost $300,00 to build, a hell of a lot of poor people could have been fed and clothed for the same amount. I’m sure, however, that Jesus would prefer to have an idol of himself. At least that’s what I seem remember from the Bible.
And how freaky is it that, without the plaster, it looks all skeletal, like when the Terminator got all of his flesh burned off? It kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
Oh, and be sure to check out “the Jesus is on fire” 911 call.
Update: And here’s footage of him burning.
30 Comments
I wish, instead of it blowing apart when getting hit by lightening that the thing would have come to life, reached through the door of the Solid Roch Church and started grabbing people and eating them.
The Solid Rock church site isn’t working right now. I’ve looked at it before, though, and my impression is that they’re not just crazy, but Orly Taitz crazy.
You missed two tags:
Epic Church Fail
LOL Christians
And I like the point about the Hustler store not getting hit.
Monumental Kitty is SOOOO much better!!!
Have you ever heard the song?
http://bit.ly/VibjH
“Church leaders are vowing to rebuild the iconic “King of Kings” statue – also dubbed “Touchdown Jesus” – which alone was valued at $300,000… ”
…imagine how many people in need could be fed, clothed, educated and housed for $300,000.
…oh, you already hit that nail on the head. Just sayin’.
Speaking of Banksy, I heard that an 89 year old grandmother outed herself as being him today.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-grandmother-comes-forward-as-banksy,17604/
$300k? Meh. Chump change.
There was an Enzo Ferrari parked outside Common Grill in Chelsea last weekend. Could feed several busloads of Ypsilantians for a decade or more.
Jeff Daniels’?
We could have built a touch-down butter Jesus with a fancy top hat and cane for what it cost to fix the freight house.
Interesting that they insured it for double the cost…..
http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20100616/NEWS01/6170324/Donations-roll-in-for-new-Jesus-statue
I was only half serious when I suggested that this may have been planned from the start, but now I’m beginning to wonder. Here’s a clip from the article that YpsiPawz just linked to:
So, let’s build a giant lightening rod in Ypsi, cover it in foam, maybe add some religious imagery, and insure it for a ton of money!
Apparently the damage estimate is about $700,000, so maybe that insurance wasn’t so excessive.
…imagine how many people in need could be fed, clothed, educated and housed for $300,000.
The poor you will have with you always, but you will not always have butter Jesus.
I think the $700k in damage includes the building behind BJ (Butter Jesus). The Jesus statue, it appears to me, was built for $300k and insured for $500k. I agree with Mark that something doesn’t smell right. But maybe it’s just the burning butter.
If there are any readers in Ohio, near this thing, I’d pay five bucks for a bag of Jesus ash.
The video of that thing burning is amazing – man I would have loved to been there with a camera *sigh*
And yea, the idea that a giant stadium-of-a-church filled with “God’s followers” could hear that their hard-earned donations were going to be pissed away on a massive… what-ever you want to call that thing, and not be angry about it. Should tell you something about those people’s priorities.
I guess it’s not idol worship when it’s your god.,
Mark, don’t visit the Vatican. Your head will explode.
We have a word for that, Kerri. It’s ejaculation.
When they rebuild it, we should go down there some night and put giant sacks of money in Jesus’s hands, like he was tunneling out of a bank vault.
I bet Willem Dafoe from Platoon would fit over the framework pretty good…
http://images.suite101.com/660385_com_dafoeplato.jpg
Better still:
http://www.flong.com/storage/images/texts/essay_pose/pose_asimo_hands_up.jpg
I smoked some Jesus ash once. . .
felt _sure_ my head would explode.
So, if they’d left Jesus on the cross to rot, would we have found something similar inside?
I need to make Christmas cards of this.
I may be mistaken, but I kind of recall being told that members of this church believed in monsters and demons that walk among us.
Mark,
Thought you’d be happy to see that Butter Jesus will be resurrected.
http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20110406/NEWS01/304060025
Saw this and thought of you.
http://i.imgur.com/2CPHK.jpg
Sorry I’ve been away so long, but I’ve been in a very dark place.