Terminator Jesus wreaks havoc on Ohio


I’ve written here in the past about the giant, angry half-Jesus that crouches alongside the highway between here and Cincinnati, ready to leap on sinners, having dug himself out from the earth’s core with a crucifix like some kind of Japanese B-movie monster. The family and I drive by it about a half dozen times a year, on our way to and from my parents’ house in Kentucky, and it never fails to illicit a response from Clementine. She usually yells “Butter Jesus,” which is our pet name for the monstrous chicken wire, foam and plaster savior. Well, it was hit by lightening yesterday. (Curiously, the Hustler store on the other side of the highway was left untouched.) Here’s a clip from the Cincinnati Enquirer:

…Monroe fire officials set damage at $700,000 after lighting struck and burned down a 62-foot-high Jesus Christ statue and an adjacent amphitheater at Solid Rock Church late Monday.

Police are now ticketing motorists that are slowing down on I-75 to look at the landmark, one whose construction was nearly as controversial as its destruction.

Church leaders are vowing to rebuild the iconic “King of Kings” statue – also dubbed “Touchdown Jesus” – which alone was valued at $300,000…

And that, to me, is the most fascinating thing. I want to joke about how this is clearly a sign that God doesn’t appreciate the attention of fundamentalist nut jobs who use his image to get rich, but I can’t get beyond the price tag. The idea that they paid, or claim to have have paid $300k for this monstrosity, is absolutely beyond me. I can’t help but think that something is up, like someone from the church where this thing is housed got a hefty kickback. It’s not exactly an apples to apples comparison, but I’ve got to think that if you can build a monumental kitty for $1,500 in Detroit, you can build a Quicksand Jesus, which is something else that I’ve heard the statue called, for considerably less than $300,000 in Monroe, Ohio. But maybe this was an insurance scam from the start. The thing was, after all, built around a couple of enormous lightening rods. Maybe the plan all along was to build it, insure it for a ton of money, and then wait for the inevitable.

And, I’m not one to tell someone how they should spend their tax-free dollars, but it seems to me that, if it really did cost $300,00 to build, a hell of a lot of poor people could have been fed and clothed for the same amount. I’m sure, however, that Jesus would prefer to have an idol of himself. At least that’s what I seem remember from the Bible.

And how freaky is it that, without the plaster, it looks all skeletal, like when the Terminator got all of his flesh burned off? It kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Oh, and be sure to check out “the Jesus is on fire” 911 call.

Update: And here’s footage of him burning.

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  1. Knox
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 5:46 am | Permalink

    I wish, instead of it blowing apart when getting hit by lightening that the thing would have come to life, reached through the door of the Solid Roch Church and started grabbing people and eating them.

  2. Edward
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 9:35 am | Permalink

    The Solid Rock church site isn’t working right now. I’ve looked at it before, though, and my impression is that they’re not just crazy, but Orly Taitz crazy.

  3. Ted
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 10:04 am | Permalink

    You missed two tags:

    Epic Church Fail

    LOL Christians

    And I like the point about the Hustler store not getting hit.

  4. Steph
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 10:13 am | Permalink

    Monumental Kitty is SOOOO much better!!!

  5. Ken
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 11:28 am | Permalink

    Have you ever heard the song?


  6. Jiggs
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    “Church leaders are vowing to rebuild the iconic “King of Kings” statue – also dubbed “Touchdown Jesus” – which alone was valued at $300,000… ”

    …imagine how many people in need could be fed, clothed, educated and housed for $300,000.

  7. Jiggs
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 2:22 pm | Permalink

    …oh, you already hit that nail on the head. Just sayin’.

  8. Fletch
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 2:42 pm | Permalink

    Speaking of Banksy, I heard that an 89 year old grandmother outed herself as being him today.


  9. Michael
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 8:39 pm | Permalink

    $300k? Meh. Chump change.

    There was an Enzo Ferrari parked outside Common Grill in Chelsea last weekend. Could feed several busloads of Ypsilantians for a decade or more.

    Jeff Daniels’?

  10. Posted June 16, 2010 at 9:18 pm | Permalink

    We could have built a touch-down butter Jesus with a fancy top hat and cane for what it cost to fix the freight house.

  11. YpsiPawz
    Posted June 16, 2010 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

    Interesting that they insured it for double the cost…..


  12. Posted June 16, 2010 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

    I was only half serious when I suggested that this may have been planned from the start, but now I’m beginning to wonder. Here’s a clip from the article that YpsiPawz just linked to:

    As it turns out, the “King of Kings” sculpture was insured for $500,000, about twice what it cost the church to erect it in 2004, because the original artist, Brad Coriell of Nashville, is a Christian who donated some of his time to the project, said the church’s co-pastor, Darlene Bishop.

    So, let’s build a giant lightening rod in Ypsi, cover it in foam, maybe add some religious imagery, and insure it for a ton of money!

  13. Posted June 17, 2010 at 8:01 am | Permalink

    Apparently the damage estimate is about $700,000, so maybe that insurance wasn’t so excessive.

  14. Brackinald Achery
    Posted June 17, 2010 at 8:27 am | Permalink

    …imagine how many people in need could be fed, clothed, educated and housed for $300,000.

    The poor you will have with you always, but you will not always have butter Jesus.

  15. Kim
    Posted June 17, 2010 at 9:17 am | Permalink

    I think the $700k in damage includes the building behind BJ (Butter Jesus). The Jesus statue, it appears to me, was built for $300k and insured for $500k. I agree with Mark that something doesn’t smell right. But maybe it’s just the burning butter.

  16. Edward
    Posted June 17, 2010 at 9:42 am | Permalink

    If there are any readers in Ohio, near this thing, I’d pay five bucks for a bag of Jesus ash.

  17. Posted June 17, 2010 at 10:50 am | Permalink

    The video of that thing burning is amazing – man I would have loved to been there with a camera *sigh*

    And yea, the idea that a giant stadium-of-a-church filled with “God’s followers” could hear that their hard-earned donations were going to be pissed away on a massive… what-ever you want to call that thing, and not be angry about it. Should tell you something about those people’s priorities.

  18. Alice
    Posted June 17, 2010 at 11:21 am | Permalink

    I guess it’s not idol worship when it’s your god.,

  19. Kerri
    Posted June 18, 2010 at 12:19 am | Permalink

    Mark, don’t visit the Vatican. Your head will explode.

  20. Knox
    Posted June 18, 2010 at 6:13 am | Permalink

    We have a word for that, Kerri. It’s ejaculation.

  21. Ted
    Posted June 18, 2010 at 8:59 am | Permalink

    When they rebuild it, we should go down there some night and put giant sacks of money in Jesus’s hands, like he was tunneling out of a bank vault.

  22. Brackinald Achery
    Posted June 18, 2010 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

    I bet Willem Dafoe from Platoon would fit over the framework pretty good…

  23. Brackinald Achery
    Posted June 18, 2010 at 12:23 pm | Permalink


  24. Meta
    Posted June 18, 2010 at 2:40 pm | Permalink

    Better still:


  25. Michael
    Posted June 19, 2010 at 7:45 pm | Permalink

    I smoked some Jesus ash once. . .

    felt _sure_ my head would explode.

  26. Sher
    Posted June 21, 2010 at 11:34 pm | Permalink

    So, if they’d left Jesus on the cross to rot, would we have found something similar inside?

  27. Alice Tingy
    Posted November 24, 2010 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    I need to make Christmas cards of this.

  28. Kim
    Posted November 24, 2010 at 10:49 am | Permalink

    I may be mistaken, but I kind of recall being told that members of this church believed in monsters and demons that walk among us.

  29. StickyMayo
    Posted April 6, 2011 at 9:46 am | Permalink


    Thought you’d be happy to see that Butter Jesus will be resurrected.


  30. Knox
    Posted March 1, 2012 at 4:22 pm | Permalink

    Saw this and thought of you.


    Sorry I’ve been away so long, but I’ve been in a very dark place.

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