Hotpants and Hijab

I had a serious, thoughtful post planned for tonight. It was mostly written when my wife showed up at home with a few bottles of wine and our friend Kristin. Now, though, after a few glasses of said wine, and a lot of laughing around the kitchen table, I’ve decided to give you something completely different. This is something that I came up with just a few minutes ago, after finishing the aforementioned bottles of wine. This is my most recent idea for a buddy cop TV series. The show is called “Hotpants and Hijab,” and I’m convinced that it’s just what post-Trump America needs.

I’m not sure why it is, but, when I drink wine, I tend to think a lot about buddy cop shows involving female officers from very different backgrounds. The last time I went public with one of these ideas of mine was back in 2004, when my one-day-a-year band, the Monkey Power Trio, recored a song that I’d written called When Fuzzy Met Jenkins, which was about two women meeting at the police academy bak in 1973, and going on to fight crime as partners. [Jenkins was fresh off the boat from England, and Fuzzy was a product of the San Francisco streets.] Tonight, I’m thinking about a show called Hotpants and Hijab, about an unlikely pairing of female officers in turn-of-the-century Detroit. Hotpants is young and brash. She’s got a problem with authority, and a fondness for wisecracks and roller disco. And Hijab is a devout Muslim who joined the force after 9/11 to both confront racist stereotypes and help bust-up international terrorist networks. At first they aren’t so happy about being paired together… but it works! They’re an awesome crime-fighting team, and the people of Detroit can’t get enough… of Hotpants and Hijab.

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9 Comments

  1. Posted August 30, 2018 at 9:51 pm | Permalink

    I’ll try to write the more serious post tomorrow night.

  2. Anonymous
    Posted August 31, 2018 at 6:36 am | Permalink

    Does Hotpants wear hotpants while on the job? Does she fight the system for the right to wear hotpants?

  3. John Brown
    Posted August 31, 2018 at 6:40 am | Permalink

    No reason the Hijabi cant also wear hot pants, right? Sexualizing muslim women in the media is perhaps the last hurdle to really becoming full fledged Americans.

  4. site admin
    Posted August 31, 2018 at 6:51 am | Permalink

    Yes. The first episode is all about Hotpants fighting the system for the right to wear non-regulation pants. Things don’t seem to be going her way at first, but, at some point during the court case, when she’s asked to show the members of the jury the hotpants she’d be wearing, the courthouse is attacked by a motorcycle gang. While all of the other police officers are too restricted by their pants to fight, Hotpants effortlessly dispatches the bad guys one after another, as the members of the jury look on, clapping wildly. The judge, seeing all of this, throws the case out. The episode ends with Hotpants and Hijab high-fiving as they rollerskate out of the courthouse.

  5. Fake News
    Posted August 31, 2018 at 6:55 am | Permalink

    I am guessing that John Brown doesn’t watch a lot of porn.

  6. site admin
    Posted August 31, 2018 at 6:59 am | Permalink

    John, I think you’ll like what we have in mind. While Hijab, a devout Muslim, is fully covered on the job, there will be lots of gratuitous locker room footage. In fact, about half the show takes place in the shower. It’s there that Hotpants and Hijab open up to one another about their sex lives, vent about the racism and sexism they’ve encounter, and sing together. (Every episode ends with them singing a classic Motown song.)

  7. Jean Henry
    Posted August 31, 2018 at 8:41 am | Permalink

    “I’m not sure why it is, but, when I drink wine, I tend to think a lot about buddy cop shows involving female officers from very different backgrounds.”

    Oh, I think we all know.

  8. Kat
    Posted August 31, 2018 at 8:53 am | Permalink

    Why not just remake Hot Channels?

  9. Posted September 2, 2018 at 7:41 am | Permalink

    I’d like this better if they were cartoon hamsters.

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