John Waters v. Kirk Cameron… Whose side will you take in the War on Christmas?

How is it that we live in a country where an accomplished director like John Waters can’t find the money to make a Christmas film, while someone like Kirk Cameron can?

I know there are more important things to be upset about, but, Jesus Christ… How did we come to a point as a society where a movie like Fruitcake can’t get made, but a movie like Saving Christmas can?

Here’s the trailer for Cameron’s upcoming film, for those of you who haven’t yet been subjected to it.

As for the film Fruitcake, which John Waters has been trying to get made for the better part of this last decade, from what I’ve read, it sounds truly heartwarming. “Fruitcake is a little kid in a family of meat thieves,” the director said in an interview not too long ago. “Meat thieves knock on your door and say ‘Meat Man!’ and you go downstairs, and, say you want a pork loin and two steaks, they shoplift it (for you), and you pay half what’s on the sticker. This is a very functional family of meat thieves, and they’re filling their orders on Christmas Eve, (when) Fruitcake gets caught and separated, and he runs away with a little African American girl named Tweefee, whose gay parents have forced her to have gay Kwanzaa. They team up with some orphans named the Lousy Lambs, and they steal all the meat from the families, and give it all to the poor people in a slush storm on Christmas Eve.” (When Waters first began pitching it to studios, the movie was to star Johnny Knoxville and Parker Posey.)

When I initially sat down to write this post, I was going to suggest that, in response to the Cameron movie, we start a giant fundraising campaign for Fruitcake. (“If you’re not ready to cede Christmas to the likes of Kirk Cameron, send $5 to John Waters today.”) Apparently, though, as I just discovered, Waters has said that he wants nothing to do with a Kickstarter type of campaign. Others have apparently broached the subject with him, only to have him respond with, “I’m not public begging.”

Which, I guess, leaves us with one option. We have to blackmail a studio head.

Either that, or we have to accept the terrifying reality that we now live in a country that values Kirk Cameron more than John Waters.

saving-christmas-poster

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16 Comments

  1. EOS
    Posted September 3, 2014 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

    If we survive 9/11, Atlas Shrugged Part 3 opens Friday, Sept. 12.

  2. Eel
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 7:19 am | Permalink

    The problem is that stupid people spend their money on movies whereas smart people are less predictable. That’s why they’ll chop Atlas Shrugged up into a dozen different movies, and Cameron and company can raise money for projects like Saving Christmas. If anyone could pull off a Kickstarter campaign for a movie, though, it’s John Waters. He’s universally adored.

  3. anonymous
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 9:57 am | Permalink

    Why do they get to be the protectors of Christmas? Why aren’t we defending Christmas from the likes of these lunatics?

  4. Jean Henry
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    I really NEED John Waters to make that movie. Maybe we can invite him to Krampus and beg him to help us. A Krampus campaign to save fruitcake?

  5. Meta
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 10:16 am | Permalink

    This is just the beginning. Cameron has a three picture deal to develop films with a “biblical world view”.

    Kirk Cameron and Provident Films announced a three-picture deal today, starting with “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas” which hits theaters on November 14.

    The collaboration between Cameron’s CamFam Studios and Nashville-based Provident Films will help bring families together and inspire new ideas about Christmas, the actor said on Tuesday, Aug. 17.

    “I am extremely excited to begin this new, ongoing relationship with Provident Films,” Cameron said in a press release. “My hope for ‘Saving Christmas’ is that families all across the country will join with my family in putting Christ back into Christmas! For too many years Christmas has been attacked and hammered by those outside the church, and it’s even changed how we think about Christmas inside the church. We are proudly going to put Christ back into Christmas and remind Christians why this is not only a holy day, but a celebration as well. I believe that families will love this movie!”

    “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas” will see warmth, laughter and charm as audiences are reintroduced to the ultimate story of God. Also, the film will provide audiences with a biblical basis for Christmas celebrations as well as the inspiration to stand by faith-filled traditions that culture looks to trivialize. “Saving Christmas” will be released to theaters on Nov. 14 for a special limited engagement release.

    “I’ve been looking for a home for my projects for a while now,” Cameron added in the statement. “We have big plans at CamFam Studios, and wanted to have a home base. The relationship with Provident Films has been developing over the past months, and we realized they were the natural choice.”

    It is expected that the second and third films in the partnership between CamFam Studios and Provident Films will release in 2015 and 2016. Cameron’s latest project arrives just months after Cameron voiced enthusiasm for filmmakers in the Christian community.

    “I’m really excited about what I see coming out of the Christian movie industry,” the actor told The Christian Post. “There’s independent films coming out all over the place. You look at movies like ‘The Passion of the Christ,’ the Noah movie that’s coming out with Russell Crowe… Movies like ‘Fireproof’ and ‘Courageous’ which have done phenomenally well. It’s very exciting to see a new wave of young filmmakers come out with a biblical world view. They have an understanding of the Gospel and how to tell stories. They have the technology and equipment that’s so affordable that it’s all beginning to look fantastic.”

    Read more:
    http://www.christianpost.com/news/kirk-camerons-saving-christmas-aims-to-put-christ-back-in-the-holiday-125472/

  6. Thomas Dern
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 2:02 pm | Permalink

    They persecute gays 24-7 and then when someone says “happy holidays” to them they lose their shit, like someone just came at them with a knife. They have no idea what real persecution looks like.

  7. Tommy
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 2:57 pm | Permalink

    … They have an understanding of the Gospel and how to tell stories…

    That is correct, Mr. Cameron , the bible is full of stories – fictional ones.

    Are these fundamentalist types too stupid to realize that saying Happy Holidays refers to both Christmas and New Years (and Hanukkah, Kwanza, and Fesitvus for the rest of us)? That saying Seasons Greetings is in relation the the season and not necessarily a shout out to their magic sky wizard?

    Maybe EOS can in, speaking for all worshippers of the product of the only virgin birth ever to happen, enlighten us. Chick got knocked up (I’m just sayin!).

  8. Bob Krzewinski
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 4:31 pm | Permalink

    I’m sure this Xmas film will be a huge hit, just like “An American Carol” was a few years ago – http://youtu.be/J2BKVsjtnWs

  9. EOS
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 6:15 pm | Permalink

    Saving Christmas has nothing to do with forcing people to say “Merry Christmas”. It’s about withdrawing from participating in a culture that thinks hearing the words Merry Christmas is offensive. It’s about refusing to conform to a society that wants to turn a religious observance into an extended shopping frenzy. Christmas will be saved only when Christians stop celebrating the “holidays” as the atheists do. You can keep your Krampus. I prefer Jesus.

  10. EOS
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 6:26 pm | Permalink

    http://youtu.be/_QQVCAd6xbM

  11. Dan
    Posted September 4, 2014 at 11:07 pm | Permalink

    EOS,

    I suspect that, in America, the number of people that believe the same things as you re: Christmas, is similar to the number of Amish.

  12. Posted September 5, 2014 at 3:44 am | Permalink

    Fuck Christmas,

  13. wobblie
    Posted September 5, 2014 at 4:18 am | Permalink

    ” It’s about refusing to conform to a society that wants to turn a religious observance into an extended shopping frenzy.” I am with you 100% EOS, our Capitalist culture has turned your religion into nothing but another commodity to consume.

  14. EOS
    Posted September 5, 2014 at 6:41 am | Permalink

    Wobblie,

    Yes, except for me, the Amish, and a few others.

  15. lorie
    Posted September 5, 2014 at 7:38 am | Permalink

    I’m going with comedic view point of his work to insert Jesus into an ancient northern European PAGAN holiday and call it “Saving” anything. I think Mr. Waters would be a great director for that one.

  16. PrincessTinyMeat
    Posted September 5, 2014 at 11:20 pm | Permalink

    I want to have nasty gay sex with Kirk Cameron.

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