It’s been a while since I last coined a new phrase here. I like doing it, but, as they never really seem to catch on, I’ve become less inclined to put in the effort. (I’m still angry that my phrase “face taint”, for that area between one’s nose and upper lip, never caught on like I thought that it should.) Today, though, as I felt an old, rusty nail making its way through my foot, another one occurred to me, and I thought that I’d share it. The word is “Ypsimata,” and it’s defined as follows:

“The bodily marks, sores, or sensations of pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus, that are acquired simply as a result of living in Ypsilanti, Michigan.”

My injury wasn’t really Ypsi’s fault, so much as it was the fault of the guys who recently fixed our roof, but I still like the word, and I think there are probably plenty of occasions to use it. I can see it being used, if, let’s say, someone steps on a piece of glass while walking around the City, or gets rug burn as a result of having sex with someone met on the street in Ypsilanti. (I should also copyright “sexmata” for similar cases that happen outside of Ypsilanti.)

As for my injury, as much as I’d like to pretend that it’s life threatening, it’s not terribly bad. The nail did go through my shoe and into my foot, but it didn’t go deep. And, happily, I just recently had a tetanus shot after having gone decades without one. So, things aren’t too bad. I am, however, thinking of sending a photo of my bloody sock to the roofers, encouraging them to be more careful in the future. While it wasn’t too bad for me, given how thick the soles of my tennis shoes are, it would have easily gone right through Clementine’s foot. And this wasn’t the only one that I found. I’ve been picking nails up for the past few weeks… Maybe they aren’t from my roof, though. Maybe someone’s booby trapping my yard.

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  1. Posted January 7, 2012 at 2:40 pm | Permalink

    get a magnet–they use to have some nice long ones with adjustable length handles at the hardware store. When we had our roof redone (entire tear off and new construction) I paid a lot—but not one bit of trash or nail was left behind. They had several really neat devices they used to rake things up–including magnetic raking devices.

  2. Posted January 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

    as for Ypsimata–does getting sever burns on one’s chest near where the tribune stabbed Christ count? While moving to Ypsi, (30 years ago) my van overheated and I foolishly lifted the radiator cap to add coolant before it had properly cooled-resulting in explosive boil over. skin still slightly discolored compared to rest of area.

  3. Posted January 7, 2012 at 3:12 pm | Permalink

    It absolutely counts. Welcome to the club… And we had a tear-off as well. And they told us they got all of the nails up with magnets. Live and learn.

  4. Posted January 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm | Permalink

    Unlike you, Clementine would probably not be heavy enough to make the nail go through her foot.

  5. Bill Tolliver
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 7:20 pm | Permalink

    You have experience putting nails through kids’ feet Peter?

  6. Posted January 7, 2012 at 7:35 pm | Permalink

    No, I was merely referring to the fact that Mark is heavier than Clementine.

  7. WW
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 8:18 pm | Permalink

    I want to make a funny joke about Pete hating NAMBLA because of their refusal to nail kids but I think it might be bad taste.

    Sorry about your foot, Fatso.

  8. anonymous
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 9:16 pm | Permalink

    I hope that this photo was taken after you pulled the nail out, and that it hadn’t gone all the way through your ankle.

  9. C. Farmer
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 9:34 pm | Permalink

    Just wait until you find the Malay Man Catcher that we’ve constructed in your back yard.

  10. K2
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 11:25 pm | Permalink

    I’m sorry, but I don’t think that radiator burns should count, unless the car was stolen. I think it order to qualify to qualify, the bodily marks have to come as a result of some illicit activity. Piercing your foot on a broken crack pipe would qualify as Ypsimata, in my book.

  11. x
    Posted January 8, 2012 at 9:27 am | Permalink

    Drilling rivets out of aluminum pipe. Should have held pipe in vise not hand. Drill bit slips off rivet, I drop drill thinking I just poked the palm of my hand.

    Why does drill bit on ground have salmon eggs all over it?

    Why are red drops appearing all around?

    Why are more corkscrew-shaped salmon eggs all over my hand?

    Ahh. I see. I drilled the palm of my hand. The orange salmon eggs is my palm-fat. I drilled a nice hole in my hand.

    Perfect x-shaped scar now.

  12. Eel
    Posted January 8, 2012 at 1:36 pm | Permalink

    Stepped on a syringe while cleaning out the alley behind my house. Thankfully, it didn’t go through my shoe, though. The only bad thing is, now I won’t be able to join your club. Maybe I’ll walk around barefoot behind Eagles Market today.

  13. Eel
    Posted January 8, 2012 at 1:39 pm | Permalink

    And I think I found a photo of one of the other traps in your yard.


  14. Posted January 14, 2012 at 3:12 pm | Permalink

    I’m being blackmailed by someone named Frob, who says, if I don’t post video of myself eating a Huron River carp within 24 hours, we’ll release photos showing how I really got the nail through the heal of my foot.

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