Doubling down and packing on the weight

doubledown_hdrA few people, in the wake of last night’s post on Jamie Oliver and the so-called “food revolution” that he’s bringing to our shores, have demanded that, in the spirit of fairness, I put something up on the site about Kentucky Fried Chicken’s recent announcement that they’ll be going live with the Double Down – a bacon and cheese sandwich that substitutes fried chicken breasts for bread – on April 12. According to reports, the ungodly creation will weigh in a 540 calories, with 32g of fat and 1380mg of sodium.

And, given the world we live in, I suspect that they’ll sell the hell out of it.

Here, on that note, is a clip from Monsters and Critics about comments made by Ricky Gervais concerning Jamie Oliver’s doomed-to-fail campaign to save America.

…Speaking to US chatshow host David Letterman, who famously mocked Oliver’s healthy-eating campaign just last week, Gervais agreed that the plan was doomed.

“It failed in England. He tried to get them to stop and no, they like fat,” the comedian said.

“This is the thing you’ve got to remember about fat people – they love cake. They love the fat”…

“It’s their choice. Fat people don’t get fat behind their own back. No one’s sneaking into their apartment when they’re out and injecting their lettuce with a million calories. They know why they’re fat and they like it”…

And, speaking of Oliver’s bid to rid America’s school lunchrooms of processed foods, it looks as though the beta test in West Virginia isn’t going so well. The following clip comes from the Epoch Times.

…After two months, the results show his plan missed the mark—with 77 percent of the students saying they were “very unhappy” with the new foods served at school…

In his defense, however, I’m sure 77% of kids in school would say that learning math makes them “very unhappy.” Still, it’s a shame that he apparently hasn’t been able to make even a quarter of the kids “somewhat unhappy.” But, as Gervais says, maybe they don’t care that the food they’re eating is killing them. Maybe the instant gratification is worth the inevitable repercussions, not just in terms of our health, but in terms of health care costs… If we continue to double down on this course that we’re on, it’s just a matter of time until we’ll have a dialysis clinic at every highway exit.

[note: Tonight’s post is brought to by Donna Simpson.]

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  1. Peter Larson
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 6:28 am | Permalink

    I guarantee you that two trips to the Mahek buffet will yield you more than 540 calories.

    That being said, I would never eat one of these.

  2. Posted April 6, 2010 at 7:13 am | Permalink

    Knock off the breading and triple the bacon content, and I know what I’m eating April 12th till eternity.

  3. Billy
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 7:15 am | Permalink

    When does this come out? I need to go get in line! I think I’ll have two, with a side of potato wedges, and some mashed potatos and gravy! Thanks, Colonel! They should promote you to General!

  4. Sarah
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 7:37 am | Permalink

    Please don’t even analyze the caloric content of the Mahek buffet. I don’t want to know.

    Plus, they have small plates. That’s got to count for something.

  5. Edward
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 7:43 am | Permalink

    That Donna Simpson link is f’d up.

  6. Posted April 6, 2010 at 11:20 am | Permalink

    I would be willing to bet that if you polled the students at any school I went to as a child at least 77% of them would report that it’s gross. Slimy hamburger patties, undercooked tots, some unidentifiable canned vegetable swimming in its own cloudy fluid… school lunches are usually nasty, so they might as well be healthy.

  7. Peter Larson
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 11:45 am | Permalink

    Two trips to the Mahek buffet (as most people make two trips, more for your money!) will easily top 1000 calories, not to mention the incredible amounts of salt and fat (butter?) included in their dishes. Really, this offering from KFC is rather light in comparison. Granted people will supplement this “sandwich” with some other salty side and a sugary beverage. Mahek, of course, offers their sugary tea as an analog.

    Any restaurant food is going to be bad for you and eating out too much and too often without exercising will eventually hurt you. It’s just that people like Mark find Mahek’s method of marketing more acceptable than KFC’s.

  8. Independent Jones
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 12:31 pm | Permalink

    What is this, and where is this “Mahek Buffet”? It sounds like something I may want to take part in. What kind of food are we talking about?

  9. dragon
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 12:44 pm | Permalink

    Wow, a redneck Chicken Cordon Bleu. Perfect for those ignorant, inbred, toothless hicks in West Virginia.
    No offense to the kinfolk, Peter.

  10. Peter Larson
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 1:18 pm | Permalink

    The Mahek buffet is awesome. $6.95 all you can eat. If you’re lucky, you can watch Mark wolf down the “Butter Chicken” and see his fat ass get even bigger.

  11. CT
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 2:18 pm | Permalink

    It’s well known that Mark feeds there.

  12. Billy
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    where is this magical buffet located? I want to meet Mark there, and fill up…then we can both run for the door, and see who squeezes through first. Like a deadly game of “butter” chicken!

  13. Joanne
    Posted April 6, 2010 at 8:27 pm | Permalink

    That has got to be more calories than 545-one fried breast is about 300 alone.

  14. Hot Knuckle Lover
    Posted April 7, 2010 at 8:49 am | Permalink

    How much is this thing gonna cost? I have a strict spending cap per 100 calories. Far as I’m concerned, there’s no reason to ever pay more than a penny a calorie. Not when you have Taco Bell’s $1.29, 530 calorie burrito.

  15. Posted April 7, 2010 at 9:57 am | Permalink

    Yeah, when you can get “food” at approximately $0.001/calorie (yes, that’s a tenth of a cent per calorie – ramen noodles), why pay more?

  16. Ypsiosaurus Wrecks
    Posted April 7, 2010 at 12:13 pm | Permalink

    I too, am a fan of the Mahek buffett. But I would actually suggest the re-vamped “tempations” buffett on Washtenaw. I’m sure Mark will start feeding there since it is closer to his beloved Ypsitucky.

    KFC/Mahek/Temptations it’s all pretty fattening – but damn tasty too. Mark likes taking aim big bad corps. He seems to overlook small “indie” eateries – because they are so cool. The Dreamland theater could spoonfeed toxic sludge to his daughter and he’d probably wax poetic about the pretty neon colors and the vibrant culinary diversity it brings to Ypsi.

  17. dp in ypsi
    Posted April 7, 2010 at 5:32 pm | Permalink

    Ypsiosaurus Wrecks: funniest post I’ve seen in many moons… thank you.

  18. Posted April 7, 2010 at 8:27 pm | Permalink

    Actually, I think a lot of locally owned places are shitty, I just don’t write about them here… And Mahek is brilliant. While there are other good Indian restaurants in our area, no one approaches their mastery of spice and flavor.

    Oh, and check this out:

    The provocative prediction that Baby Boomers may outlive their children could be worse than previously thought. Research by the University of Michigan Health System using the newest data available on children and adults born 1926-2005 shows Americans are becoming heavier younger and carrying extra weight for longer periods over their lifetime. The trend of young and middle-age adults becoming obese earlier in life than their parents and grandparents could set up the generation for shorter lives and poorer health. The findings will be published April 12 in the International Journal of Obesity.

    You can read the release here:

  19. Posted April 12, 2010 at 9:41 pm | Permalink

    So, did anyone double down today?

  20. Peter Larson
    Posted April 20, 2010 at 2:51 pm | Permalink

    I personally saw Mark wolf down 6 plates of butter chicken at Mahek today.

  21. Ella
    Posted April 20, 2010 at 3:27 pm | Permalink

    They have small plates.

  22. Posted April 20, 2010 at 5:56 pm | Permalink

    Pete’s got a weird fetish. He pays me to watch me eat at Mahek. He occasionally moans when lift a fork of butter chicken to my mouth, but otherwise he sits quietly. It’s kind of troubling, but I need the money.

  23. Oliva
    Posted April 20, 2010 at 8:11 pm | Permalink

    I heard a snippet (context be damned) on NPR today saying the #1 health-related reason people don’t make it into the armed services is obesity. In terms of extending a life span, there could be an upside to obesity for some young people in this respect. (Some being overweight young people who really want to join the armed forces, whose number could be close to zero for all I know.)

  24. dp in ypsi
    Posted May 10, 2010 at 11:21 pm | Permalink

    I purchased this abomination today, ate it, and it was damn good. Freedom from bread was pretty fantastic, and so was the odd sense of euphoria that set in a few minutes after completion.

  25. Peter Larson
    Posted March 3, 2016 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

    This was an important post. I think people should read it and the comments again.

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  1. […] were talking about British chef Jamie Oliver’s crusade to make America’s school lunches less toxic? Well, it would seem that, perhaps thanks to him, members of the press in this country are […]

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