The poetry of spam

I just got back from camping up in northern Michigan, and, at the moment, I’m deleting spam comments from the site. There are some 350 of them. Following are some of my favorite phrases, slightly edited, for your enjoyment. I think they make a lovely poem.

ergonomics, sincere, attract derision

confess

aroused, I would masturbate
Austrian rabbits
skin ferrets
auspicious head to foot ejaculation
Hemorrhage
Gay heartbeat
erection suffocation
Colorado Springs porkbutcher
The Search for the Animal chin

body image disorder
social stigmatization
Diabetic foot

Blood Sabbath
the cyclic method of the cytotec lawyer
evidence?
indisputable ejaculation

Perfect Stranger 
Mortuary

wheelchair gay realtor avails hisself of gay saunas
Side effects of Xanax
All of these girls holes getting filled with ice
Well done, anal fuck
Less the antique pressure cooker
when men gain weight
…Oxygen pills

Granny Slaves

The Viagra maintains my hardness throw out in to the ejaculation
The Viagra maintains my hardness promising settle nearby the ejaculation

Prostate Milking Sexual Pleasure 
Rhino Male Enhancement
Manhood Aboriginal Initiation Receive Spirit 
Mom Saw My Erection
Suicide by Zoloft
Bicycle For Mature Womens
Grannys fucking grandkids
endtimes are at hand

Whoopi Goldberg
Rob Reiner
Antique colon mass

This laid the foundation for modern quantum theory, the Tri county ohio antique mall, on the body

Longitude Male Enhancement

We Were Both Surprised When Her Hand Brushed My Erection

the woman comes across as intimidating to him

Older Horses With Cervical Vertebral Malformation
Older Used Boat Trailer
Granny Scent

young nude teens staying teens
captivated, I buy Viagra

I call this piece “indisputable ejaculation”.

If only Sir John Gielgud were alive to read it.

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13 Comments

  1. Steve Fife-Adams
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 4:25 am | Permalink

    Sir John Gielgud might not be with us, but William Shatner is. He would do wonders with this found art marvel. I think I’m going to start a band just so I can call it Antique Colon Mass.

  2. Kimbo
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 8:11 am | Permalink

    It’s not in your poem, but I like the phrase “sympathetic orgasm.” Please see if you can work it in.

  3. David D
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 8:12 am | Permalink

    Would someone please mock up an ad for the Perfect Strangers Mortuary with an image of Balki from the television show?

  4. Karl
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 11:35 am | Permalink

    Reading “granny scent” made me start itching. It totally triggered an allergic reaction in my mind somehow.

  5. Steve Swan
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 2:26 pm | Permalink

    That’s it! I love this site. I now have a solid idea for my new series.

    Granny Scent

    In Smellovision

    Scratch N Sniff granny porn!!!!

  6. Karen
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 2:29 pm | Permalink

    Do people often dispute ejaculations?

  7. Calem Oet
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

    Another dramatic reading in the news today-

    http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/

  8. dragon
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 5:16 pm | Permalink

    Diarrhea Permutation

    A salad dressing
    orbiting the prime minister
    underhandedly shares a shower
    with a federal ski lodge.

    A federal ski lodge
    steals pencils
    from a vaporized cargo bay.
    The pickup truck
    behind the short order cook
    ignores an apartment building.
    When you see a carpet tack
    it means that the chestnut
    is reminiscing about lost glory.

    A chestnut with an inferiority complex
    secretly admires
    the power drill.
    A frustrating briar patch
    satiates the boiled recliner.
    An overripe blithe spirit
    is muddy.

    A blithe spirit flies into a rage.
    A dust bunny slyly assimilates
    a crank case.
    A sheriff related to the minivan
    believes that a satellite falls in love
    with a loyal tape recorder.
    But they need to remember
    how a load-bearing burglar
    wakes up.
    – Sharon Mesmer

  9. Posted September 1, 2009 at 9:02 pm | Permalink

    I have another good line from today’s batch of spam.

    “herbal viagra jellys”

  10. Posted September 3, 2009 at 3:23 am | Permalink

    Believe it or not, there’s actually a word for this kind of ‘poem.’ It’s called FLARF and was even the subject of a recent mini-collection in the highly esteemed literary journal Poetry. So, Mark, you’re a Flarfist and you didn’t even know it.

  11. Posted September 5, 2009 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    I had no idea, Minal. Thank you for legitimizing my nonsense.

    And will someone remind me to add the phrase I picked up when cleaning out my spam this morning – poonfarm?

  12. KT1
    Posted September 11, 2009 at 3:08 pm | Permalink

    I just got a good line to add:

    “tempting girls with restless kittens crave sexual pleasure”

  13. Keel
    Posted September 14, 2009 at 8:49 am | Permalink

    “Smell her fingers, they just come from the slits”

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