I’m through giving Texas the benefit of the doubt

A few days ago, we were talking here on the site about the Governor of Texas, and some comments that he had made concerning the possibility of secession. I think I mentioned at the time that I’d be all for it, given the good folks of Austin were given enough time to pack their belongings and make it to a neighboring state before Biblical law went into affect. Several of you, as I recall, pointed out that there were good people in Texas, some large percentage of whom didn’t support George Bush and company. I think some readers of this site even said that they were in Texas, in cities other than the pulsating little bubble of goodness known as Austin. So, I was considering it. I was considering wiping out the “let Texas secede” tag from the site entirely. But then I read this article about Bill Nye getting booed in Texas for pointing out that the moon, unlike the sun, did not itself generate light. Here’s a clip:

Bill Nye “The Science Guy” was booed in Waco, Texas for suggesting the Moon did not generate its own light, but reflected light from the sun.

Trouble started when the children’s entertainer brought up Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights — the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars,” and pointed out that the lesser light was actually a reflector.

At this point, several people in the audience stormed out, including woman with three small children who shouted, “We believe in God!” and left…

Again, I realize that some percentage of the people in the state are sane, but I think, if in the interest of moving forward as a nation we have to sacrifice some territory, it should be Texas. Let the global warming deniers and the believers in the glowing moon have the whole damned, dried-out thing. And give everyone else in the country who wants to go there a one-way ticket. It’s not a pleasant thing, but sometimes you have to hack off a diseased limb in order to survive.

I know, having read the blogging guidelines, I don’t owe you an explanation for my uncharacteristic bluntness and negativity, but I’m out on my own tonight, drinking beer at the Brewery.

And for some reason, I’m not sure why, I think that it’s appropriate here to link to photos taken in 1970’s Iran, before the Islamic Revolution.

What’s my point?

My point is that our whole world teeters on the edge of fundamentalist religious rule, and what seems normal to us today could be gone tomorrow if we allow it to happen. And it starts with insane fuckers like this, yelling down scientists who dare to say that the moon reflects light, and politicians threatening secession.

Let Texas Go.

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28 Comments

  1. Posted April 23, 2009 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

    Secede? Hell, I want a giant space laser to cut along the Texas border and then give everyone along the border a long pole so we can push the thing out into the ocean.

  2. Patrick
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 10:14 pm | Permalink

    Doesn’t Texas have oil or something? I mean I understand they have drinking water problems and intenstine worms and the border area is the poorest area in the United States, and that would make it quite a drain on Federal Resources, but do you want to amputate their big ol’ hat wearing asses so fast? They might have something that would make it worth the United States’ while to put up with them. Who knows, they might just give great handjobs with their mouths.

  3. dragon
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 10:37 pm | Permalink

    Ironically, the United States would be (politically) better off without Texas, making it near-impossible for Republicans to control much of anything in the 49-state union:

    — If Texas were not in the Union, the Democrats would currently have a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate — or at least they would once Al Franken gets seated. This is because, in a 98-seat Senate, only 59 votes would be required to break a filibuster.

    — If Texas were not in the Union, the Republicans would operate from a significantly weakened position in the House, since the net 8-vote advantage their congressional delegation gives them in the state (they have 20 seats to the Democrats’ 12) is by far their largest.

    — If Texas were not in the Union, George W. Bush would never have become President in 2000 — not because he’d be constitutionally ineligible (Bush, despite his Texas twang, was born in posh New Haven, Connecticut). Rather, he wouldn’t have had enough Electoral Votes to defeat Al Gore.

    — If Texas were not in the Union, Barack Obama would have won the Electoral College 389-147 instead of 365-173 (note that there are two fewer votes total, because there would be two fewer Senators). The vast majority of Texas’ electoral votes would be redistributed to lib’rul states like California (which would go from having 55 electoral votes to 59) and New York (34 rather than 31):

  4. BornInYtown
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 11:35 pm | Permalink

    Wow, I just love how you generalize people in the great republic of Texas . Just because one bible thumper opens her mouth were to stereotype the whole state? If so then let’s deport all arabs because they’re terrorist and blacks because they don’t work and collect welfare. (However, readers of this blog would throw rocks at me for even suggesting the matter) In reality, Mark needs to face the fact that Michigan is the front runner as the…oh how does he put it?.. “the diseased limb”.

  5. Brackinald Achery
    Posted April 23, 2009 at 11:48 pm | Permalink

    We should all secede. No hard feelings.

  6. terry
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 2:12 am | Permalink

    No one really cares what the governor says. It’s basically a powerless position kinda like class president in high school. Rick Perry even reminds me of the dickish, rich kid who was my class president.

    Besides other states have politicians like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Joe Lieberman, Rudy Giuliani, Michelle Bachman, etc. Seriously, what were people thinking when they elected those guys?

  7. maryd
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 5:12 am | Permalink

    Governors are powerless? “Rick Perry even reminds me of the dickish, rich kid who was my class president. ” I seem to recall a few dickish presidents that began as governors, lets see, Regan, Bush…and thank God we were spared Rudy Giuliani and Sarah Palin. And don’t forget the damage done to our fair state by Gov. Engler.
    Gov. Perry spoke against our nation when he spoke of secession, we fought a war that many Americans died in. I found his statements treasonous.

  8. Chelsea
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 7:10 am | Permalink

    My first thought was, I’m with you. Then, I thought about how ALL Americans have been viewed overseas for the last decade or so. Not MY idea “freedom fries.”

  9. kjc
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 8:48 am | Permalink

    yeah let’s get rid of texas. then we can stop talking about gays and guns.

    oh wait…

  10. terry
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 11:54 am | Permalink

    The governor of Texas has a lot less executive power than governors in other states. Looks good on a resume though. And why are people judging states based on who their governors are? Was Engler representative of Michigan? Is Schwarzengger indicative of California? Aren’t you supposed to be the smart states?

  11. Ryan
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 12:10 pm | Permalink

    Texas isn’t the only state that’s considering succession. I think there are quite a few good reasons for states to consider that as an option when you look at how far the federal government has overstepped it’s bounds.

  12. Kal
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    Texas gave us Bush and Rove. Enough said.

  13. Robert
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 12:24 pm | Permalink

    At least Texas has a unique and recognizable shape. I hate all those rectangular-like states that just look like giant counties.

  14. dragon
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 1:57 pm | Permalink

    Ryan
    We all agree that government overstepped its bounds. It’s the timing of the secession talk and the tea parties for that matter. They seem to be a little late.

    1. Patient neglect at Walter Reed Army Hospital
    2. US Attorney firings
    3. Libby/Plame Affair (Outing a CIA agent)
    4. Iraq war
    5. The War on Terror (failure to capture Osama bin Laden, dubious allies)
    6. Military Commissions Act (torture, kangaroo courts, indefinite detention, and loss of habeas corpus)
    7. Hurricane Katrina and the drowning of New Orleans
    8. NSA warrantless wiretapping
    9. Black sites and rendition
    10.Budget deficits and a greatly increased national debt
    Big budget deficits and vastly increased national debt; the national debt as of the date of Bush’s 2001 inauguration was $5.7 trillion. By January 2009 it was $10.6 trillion, an increase of 85.6%.
    etc, etc, ….

  15. Brackinald Achery
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 2:07 pm | Permalink

    Not to poop the party or anything, but I don’t think it’s realistic to say the Governor of Texas is calling for secession, based on his comments. It’d sure be exiting if he were, but I don’t think he actually is.

  16. Posted April 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm | Permalink

    All this talk of secession is hilarious. Texas might make it on it’s own. It would be even shittier but it might make it. The rest would sink without the aid of federal funds. Alaska seceding? Let it. I guarantee you that half the state will move once they figure out that their government sponsored jobs have dried up.

  17. Posted April 24, 2009 at 4:26 pm | Permalink

    The more I think about it, the funnier it gets. A seceded state would be it’s own country. They’d have to print their own money, set up their own versions of services that the Feds provide, set up their own military, make passports, create a new immigration office, start paying for their own schools, highway funds, etc. all on their own shoestring budgets. It would be HILARIOUS to watch and then have them whine and cry when their exported shit gets TAXED on the way into the United States.

    Doubly funny when business starts jumping ship and watching anybody who’s left holding the cards cry to momma to let them back. Maybe the religious righters would be excited because they could set up their own version of the Taliban right at home, but in the end it all would be a laughable joke.

    I’d love to see it. Please let it happen.

  18. James Madison
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 6:01 pm | Permalink

    According to one of my fellow residents here in the special section of Hell reserved for American presidents who were slaveowners, James K. Polk, the state of Texas was admitted to the Union by an act of Congress that had a special provision. This unique feature of the Texas statehood act gives the Lone Star state the right to divide itself into 2, 3, 4, or 5 new states. So, you might imagine that Texas will succeed, but it just as likely will become 5 states and have 10 United States senators.

    I cannot indpendently assure you that what Mr Polk says is true. He is in hell, afterall, and he was a war-making, imperialist, slavery-empire builder. You can probably look this up in one of your electrified libraries.

  19. Rob
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 8:13 pm | Permalink

    Despite the wording of the Articles of Annexation which does give Texas the right to succeed into four additional states plus a portion to still be called “Texas” (thus 5 ) an 1868 Supreme court decision nullified and removed that “right” . So, in effect their governor does speak treason….

  20. Patrick
    Posted April 24, 2009 at 11:58 pm | Permalink

    Well, if Texas secedes, does that mean our border with Texas will be the poorest place in the country and not our border with Mexico?
    The map seems to indicate an even more difficult border for the US to secure if Texas secedes. Our border with Texas is larger than the part of the border we have with Mexico that includes Texas. No gulf.
    Anyway, would I have to have a passport to go piss on the Alamo now?

  21. Ol' E Cross
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 12:10 am | Permalink

    Tonight I’m playing the antagonist…

    Bill Nye is a celebrity, i.e., he’s a shallow, greedy, insecure egomaniac. He’s probably just pissed because his marriage performed by everybody’s favorite creationist, Rick Warren, didn’t work out. (Strange world, among celebrities, isn’t it? Bill Nye wedded by Rick Warren.)

    Time for Bill Nye to get back his science street cred.

    So, I’m guessing that the bible-thumpers who brought their kids to this “science-guy” event might actually value, um, science. I’m guessing they probably don’t believe that the moon actually generates its own light. I’m guessing that if Bill Nye had lectured all night on how the moon reflects light they would have stayed and left happy.

    Instead, he decided to do some ignorant hermeneutics and publicly, to their children, devalue their faith and violate their trust. Jesus Bill. The Bible says that there are two great lights in the sky. The sun by day and moon by night. The moon is brightest light in the night. That’s it. What’s so controversial about that? Where the hell did that come from? Why the hell would you mix science and religion, to kids, when all you have to say is “the moon reflects the sun’s light”?

    And Mark, do you really think people in Texas (and yes, I hate Texas, too, very much) think the moon generates light? Or, is it possible, that if Elmo started squawking some nonsense about “health care is socialism” out of the blue you’d mutter “I believe in democracy” on your way out the door?

    The guy wasn’t talking science. He was being an arrogant ass.

  22. Patrick
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 12:19 am | Permalink

    Hey, James Madison, I read today that you were the second US president to use the handshake instead of the bow. Can you confirm? Fascinating fact. I think in light of the new swine flu situation, we might have to go back to the old form of salutation.

  23. Mark H.
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    The blog FiveThirtyFive.com has a terrific post of what a division of Texas into 5 states might look like, geographically and politically, if it was done. I don’t think any 1868 court decision on this should be taken as the final word.

  24. Posted April 25, 2009 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

    This means they’ll get their own *army*!!!

  25. NativeOfYpsiRU?
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 5:48 pm | Permalink

    Let’s get rid of Texas eh? Okay, let’s get rid of all those damned Republican (and Democrat) taxpayers who are going to be footing the bill along with the rest of us here shortly for all the spending by Obama who, albeit is making a valient effort, is spending tons and tons of money which will have to be re-paid by tax payers at some point in time. I’m just sayin….

    For those who don’t leave this sinking ship of a state we call home very often, Texas is booming as of the last time I was there about a year ago. Mr. Perry and all those Texans must me doing SOMETHING right. And they do all this without a state income tax to boot! Have been for years.

  26. Posted April 26, 2009 at 3:43 pm | Permalink

    It amazes how stupid these people are:

    Rick Perry, After Raising Secession, Calls For Fed Help With Swine Flu
    Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com
    Less than two weeks after raising the prospect of seceding from the union, Texas Gov. Rick Perry is calling on the federal government to come to his state’s aid in the midst of the swine flu outbreak.

    “We hate the union!! Mommy, help!!”

  27. Posted April 26, 2009 at 7:44 pm | Permalink

    That’s great, Dude. I’ll put it on the front page. Thanks.

  28. Robert
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 4:39 pm | Permalink

    There should at least be a civil war in Texas over this or I’ll feel ripped off.

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