Mark Maynard | 2008 | August

totally quotable clementine: august 2008 edition

By Mark | August 23, 2008

I know the month’s not over yet, but I’m confident that this is going to be her best quote of August. She came close to topping it once. At the beginning of the month, she used “I’m bored” for the first time – which was really sweet – but I think this is better. It’s slightly more heart-crushing. I forget the context. I must have said, “Come on, baby girl, let’s go get ice cream,” or something like that. And she just responded with, “I’m not your baby anymore.” It wasn’t, “I’m not a baby anymore.” If it were, I think, “I’m bored” would have won. It was, “I’m not your baby anymore.” That’s what made it genius, and broke my fat-covered, grey, cannon ball-sized heart into blubbery little globs.

Posted in Mark's Life | 10 Comments

obama/biden: good choice? bad choice?

By Mark | August 23, 2008

Well, it looks like Obama’s choice for VP is Joe Biden. As Biden is a Washington insider, who, at least initially, supported the war in Iraq, one suspects this might not sit well with all the folks out there on the street demanding complete and total change, but hopefully he’ll help the ticket more than he’ll hurt it. He’s seems, at least to me, like an all around decent guy who would be an asset at Obama’s side, and I respect Obama for the decision of taking someone so upfront and opinionated. He didn’t go with someone who could deliver a southern state, but instead he went with the man whom he ran against in the primary who he knew would be up to the job of President if he was called to do so. I think that shows character… Oh, yeah, and apparently he’s not really a plagiarist.

It’s also worth noting that Obama chose to make the announcement in Springfield, Illinois, the home of Abraham Lincoln – another man who, with little federal experience, took control of the nation at a tumultous time, and did so with great success. I suspect we’ll be hearing the Lincoln analogy quite a bit in the months to come.

So, what do you think about the choice to bring Biden onboard?

Here’s a video clip of Biden addressing 35,000 today in Springfield:

You can find the full transcript online, but here’s how his speech ends:

…Ladies and gentlemen, this is no ordinary time. This is no ordinary election. And this may be our last chance to reclaim the America we love, to restore America’s soul. Ladies and gentlemen, America gave Jill and me our chance. It gave Barack and Michelle their chance to stand on this stage today. It’s literally incredible. These values, this country gave us that chance. And now it’s time for all of us, as Lincoln said, to put our feet in the right place and to stand firm. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to elect Barack Obama president. It’s our time. It’s America’s time. God bless America, and may he protect our troops.

Posted in Politics | 21 Comments

the 2008 ypsilanti fried chicken showdown: installment 5

By Mark | August 22, 2008

OK, here, at long last, is the end of the fried chicken series. This installment finds our deep fried duo at Biggie’s.

Biggie’s Fine Foods

16 North Washington

BA: I’d never eaten at Biggie’s before, and on our way there from Haab’s, I thought to myself, “self, if anybody had collard greens, they’d get a five for sides instantly.” Lo and behold, collard greens! Mmm-mm! And cornbread — you totally trumped the biscuits! Yeah!!! Aw, outta mashed potatoes though. Oh well, normally they’ve got them so I won’t count it against them.

OEC: Collards, corn, slow cooked green beans, spaghetti, slaw, mashed and mac and cheese available as sides. I could live well on Biggies sides alone.

BA: I balked when OEC ordered the mac ‘n’ cheese, but never again. I never thought I could like mac ‘n’ cheese that much. Great stuff!

OEC: Like pudding. Borderline addictive. Biggie’s also a very full line of food, ribs, cheesy wheezy and on and on … all great stuff.

BA: The chicken’s initial rush of spiciness made me utter some delighted sound or another that made people laugh…

OEC: So did the mac ‘n’ cheese, you were moaning aloud with delight…

BA: But I’m sad to say, the following flood of super-saltiness from the chicken was a little unpleasant to me. And I put salt on everything. I mean, that was some salty chicken. Maybe if I didn’t normally put salt on everything, it wouldn’t have overloaded my body’s salt tolerance, but I gotsta calls it likes I tastes it. It made me sad though, because otherwise it tasted so good!

OEC: I think it was a little saltier than usual that day, but I still lapped it up. But I do like a bunch of salt and spices on my bird. Granny used to fry her chicken in the drippings from southern salt ham and hers is still the standard for me.

BA: It also bears noting that the owner, Victor Swanson, was really friendly and neighborly, which counts for a whole lot. I believe I can probably ask him to go easy on the salt next time and he’d do it with a smile and remember my name. Only one way to find out.

OEC: I was walking across Michigan one morning after getting Biggie’s carryout the night before, Victor rolled down his window and shouted out to ask how everything was. It was great, I replied. Real pride of ownership and great customer service. Good folk.

Special notes: Casual dine-in and carryout. Cash or credit. Parking is limited, your best bet is the lot behind Washington accessed from Huron River Drive (enter through the back). Biggie’s staffing levels and turn-around time vary based on daily demands, but you can call in your order ahead of time at 484-3434.

And here’s how the sum the whole experience up.

The Fav Flav

It was all good. But, for our tastes, one chicken shack got us both by the gizzard:

OEC: If I want to sit in a fancy place and have beer, I’ll go to Haab’s and be very contented. But, my hands down favorite for Ypsi fried chicken and sides is Biggie’s.

BA: Also Biggie’s. In short, they had everything I like, they did them better than I’d had them before, and the owner is cool. Diggin’ Biggie’s.

OEC: Two out of two markmaynard.com readers recommend you get you some Biggie’s.

I’d like to thank Ol’ E Cross and Brackache for all of their hard work. It’s not everyone that would knock a few weeks off their life expectancy for the good of their community… Now, we just have to decide what mission to send them out on next.

Posted in Food | 29 Comments

force feeding iggy pop dog food

By Mark | August 21, 2008

So, this evening, while I was sitting at the bar, waiting for Ol’ E Cross and Robert to show up so that we could begin drafting the MM.com code of conduct, I took a few minutes to read an article about the “hipster prostitution” epidemic that’s sweeping our nation. It’s a nicely written article, with lots of mildly sexy photos of headless women in little black dresses, but, I’m sad to say, it’s probably complete fiction. I don’t doubt for a minute that attractive young graduates of America’s most prestigious Ivy League colleges suck cock for money, but, I just don’t think this author really worked her way into the scene to the point of almost becoming a prostitute herself, as the article would have you believe… Anyway, the reason I mention it here is that there’s a not so thinly veiled reference to local hero, Iggy “Now I Wanna be Your Dog” Pop, in it… Here’s the quote:

…Although the girls have yet to face violence while working, they are often asked to skirt the line between kink and humiliation. Last year Kelly met a new client, an aging punk rock pioneer who was staying at the London NYC hotel. Kelly was a fan of his music, but wasn’t aware of who he was until after their session. (He had booked under his real name; she knew him only by his stage name.) “He wanted me to force-feed him dog food,” she says disgustedly. “I mean, that was just too much for me.” After she declined, Kelly says, “We sat on his bed and he complained for an hour about how much money he was wasting and how easy it could have been for me to do it”…

Maybe they didn’t come right out and call him by name, but I’ve got to think it’s close enough that he could take them to court over it, if he wanted to… Unless, of course, it’s true.

Robert, by the way, never showed. And Ol’ E Cross, when he did show up, didn’t do any work. (So there’s still no code of conduct.) We just sat around talking about John McCain, his lovely homes, and that nasty, old Mother Theresa, who forced him to take in a defective orphan home to Cindy.

Good night, my invisible friends.

Posted in Art and Culture | 11 Comments

you’re made of meat

By Mark | August 20, 2008

I assume this new peice of Ann Arbor street art (near the intersection of Washtenaw and Observatory) has something to do with Terry Bisson’s short story, “They’re Made Out of Meat,” but I’m not sure. I suppose it could also be a statement about cannibalism, perhaps inspired by the book, “The Road.” If you haven’t read Bisson’s story, you should. It’s sort. And, almost as important, it’s good. Here’s how it begins.

“They’re made out of meat.”

“Meat?”

“Meat. They’re made out of meat.”

“Meat?”

“There’s no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They’re completely meat.”

“That’s impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?”

“They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don’t come from them. The signals come from machines.”

“So who made the machines? That’s who we want to contact.”

“They made the machines. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.”

“That’s ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You’re asking me to believe in sentient meat.”

“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they’re made out of meat.”

“Maybe they’re like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage.”

“Nope. They’re born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn’t take long. Do you have any idea what’s the life span of meat?”

“Spare me. Okay, maybe they’re only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.”

“Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They’re meat all the way through”…