When I first saw this mention of a Christian tutorial on fisting on Metafilter, I was fairly certain that it was just a somewhat clever ruse. Now that I’ve read this Mother Jones piece on the Christian sex-positive ministry/super-store “The Marriage Bed”, I’m not quite so sure… Here’s a cip:
…The list of “What’s Okay, What’s Not,” as revealed to The Marriage Bed, gives the faithful broad license. They must shun porn, but are commanded to pleasure. They may enjoy oral and anal sex, toys and fantasies, “mild pain” through spanking, biting (so long as nothing becomes a fetish or substitutes for intercourse, and couples fantasize together, of themselves married and forsaking all others). They may study the numerous guides to intimacy and multiple orgasms by the Byerlys and other Christian authors, explore exotic positions, talk dirty, use condoms and other forms of birth control. They may slather their skin with chocolate body butter and Happy Penis Massage Cream, restrain each other with silken bonds, use blindfolds and swings, vibrators and pierced-tongue stimulators, penis extenders and dildos (though not those molded after real flesh). All this may be theirs if they are straight and married…
And, because I can’t help myself, here’s a clip from The Marriage Bed’s page on “Sex for the Clueless Bride“:
…If you have never seen a penis before (changing diapers doesn’t count), at first glance it might be a bit intimidating. An adult penis can look pretty large. You’re wondering how in the world it’s going to fit. Not to worry. God created the system and your body is designed to accommodate something that size. During arousal your vagina will extend, and balloon out a bit at the end…
Now, how’s that for Intelligent Design?
My head won’t stop spinning.
Actually, there was a bit of drama, but it was good drama. You see, one of the people there, the nine year old daughter of a friend, very well might have been killed if she hadn’t gone on vacation with us. While she was at the cabin, her bedroom was hit by lightening. The roof fell in, and the resulting fire destroyed almost everything… She got to see pictures of her smoldering room on television… As you can imagine, we were all very happy that she was given the opportunity to live on and reach her full potential… In completely unrelated news, she gave me a pedicure.
Linette and I talked about staying an extra day, as long as we’d driven all that way, and spending the night somewhere like Petosky, but we ended up running back to Ypsi so that we could each address our various, life-draining projects. Between coordinating the Shadow Art Fair and the Ypsi Mayoral Debate, I’m barely holding things together, and she’s busier than I am. My guess is that both of my eyes will have exploded again by the end of July, and I suspect that something equally as troubling will have happened to Linette.
