Yesterday, I asked Doug for some information on giant birds and whether or not they still exist somewhere As for all the references to gay porn, its a long story. We had been debating back and forth whether or not the rumored gay porn videotapes of Saddam could in fact be real.
The interesting thing about the Saddam gay porn report is that it exists at all. I suspect people want to believe it, whether it’s true or not. I, on the other hand, am looking forward to the legendary photo of our current president dancing naked on top of a bar in his frat-boy days.
I don’t know if there are any reports of Big Bird engaged in gay porn. If you’re interested in stories about huge weird birds, though, there are a lot out there. In the fortean subculture, they’re usually filed under “thunderbird,” that being the American Indian name for them. You might start here.
There you can read the sad tale of Marlon Lowe, supposedly almost snatched up by a big thing with things.
The hunt for the legendary lost Thunderbird Photo has become a fortean mystery in its own right. You can find a lot about it by doing a Google search on “thunderbird photo.” I myself have spent hours in the library fruitlessly scanning microfilmed magazines, following up a clue from Keel.
You might also like to know that you can buy fossilized elephant bird eggs at this site, and replicas here. I don’t know of any elephant bird reports, but moa sightings still pop up sometimes in New Zealand.
I’ll let you return to your gay porn now, before it gets cold.
I hate Madonna. Linette is watching her on TV right now. Shes on Will and Grace. Shes doing the big PR push, trying to sell her new record. Speaking of which, heres a cool site where you can hear remixes using the nasty recorded message she put out on file sharing networks a few days ago Some people, it turns out, stole stuff from the Iraqi museum in order to keep it safe. Theyre bringing it back now If this report is true, it looks like Iranians might be planning a general strike to hasten democratic change And here in this country, an OJ Simpson reality TV show is in the works Things, thank God, are finally back to normal.
A reader in Brooklyn thought that he’d get his newborn daughter started early with her suspension fetish.
(If this doesn’t make sense to you, read through the posts from past few days before writing in to ask. It’ll make sense. I promise.)
I received two letters today from folks that think they may have recognized people in real life that had been mentioned or pictured on this site.
The first letter comes from a man named Forrest, who saw the man I gave money to on Easter morning.
I have to tell you that if that dude who hit you up for some cash on Easter was an angel, then he also hangs out by the post office (where he hit me up) and near the EMU campus (where he hit my friend up for $10). After almost the same exact spiel he gave you, I told him I didnt have any cash, but would be willing to see if I received any money for an order (for the zine I publish), and then possibly give him some after I checked my PO Box. I figured that there was no way I’d have any orders and I’d have to let him down. Strangely, I did receive an order that day. “Fate,” I thought. “Maybe he’s an angel,” I thought! I walked outside and he had stopped someone else in their car and was giving them the same business. I ran to my car and took off.
The second letter comes from a woman named Jen who saw the man who hung from hooks in yesterdays post.
I saw him on the street today. He looked well rested. If he hadn’t been on a cell phone, I might have asked him if his puncture wounds were healing nicely.
I would comment on these things, but Im tired and I need to go to bed now. I will say this though, I am disappointed to learn that the man I gave money to, the man who said he had been trying to get gas money for four hours and that no one would help him, was probably just another local scam artist. That saddens me. As for the other guy, Im glad to hear that hes up an around. Hopefully, hes not oozing.
Two poop-related things happened in my life today… Actually, three poop-related things happened in my life today, but I only want to mention two.
First, a woman wrote in to ask me for a fecal sample. As best as I could understand, she wanted to impregnate herself with it… I wrote back and broke the sad news to her that conceiving from poop is, according to scientists, almost ten times more difficult than conceiving from semen. And, I would imagine that using cold, shipped poop would not help the odds any.
Second, I received the following submission from Patty Stevenson, a woman in Chicago who, as far as I know, does not want to carry my “pooh baby” to term.
I was in San Francisco several years ago visiting some friends. My friend Amy and I took her car down to a bar in the Civic Center and parked on the street. As we got out of the car a homeless dude came up to us and asked us for change. We said “no, sorry” and kept walking. Amy got a bad feeling from the guy and felt we should turn the corner. Sensing the coast was clear, we proceeded to meet our other friends at the bar. Then, it was time for Amy to take me to the train station so I could get back to Palo Alto. When I went to open the passenger-side door, I felt something weird underneath the handle. I retracted my hand, noticed there was something on it, smelled my fingers and it determined it was human poo. It had insidiously worked its way underneath my fingernails. Apparently the guy was so mad that we didn’t give him any money, he went into the alley, took a shit and masterfully shoved it up under the car door handle so it was undetectable to the casual observer. What makes it even worse is that I had to go back to the bar and scrub my hands and subsequently ended up missing my train. I can still smell the poo in my olfactory memory and I feel I might never truly get it all out from under my nails. And Amy had a hell of a time cleaning her car.
