the real mark maynard

Some of you might be too young to remember this, but a few months ago, I started exchanging emails with a girl in England. She’s 14 years old and she’s been looking for her brother, who also happens to be named Mark Maynard. She thought for a while that I could be him. I wasn’t, but I helped her to start looking. I put the word out through this site and we got a few leads. One looked promising, but it didn’t pan out.

I just got this photo from her in the mail a few days ago. She sent the original. It’s the only photo she has of the brother she hasn’t seen since she was one year old. The baby in Mark Maynard’s arms here is Aisling, the girl who is now looking for him. (How trusting is that anyway? If I only had one photo of a person, I doubt that I would mail it to a stranger in another country, especially America. I’m paranoid having it here in the house. I’m afraid that something will happen to it. I’m going to mail it to her on Monday, and I’m insuring it.)

Eventually, I’d like to get a special page up, a “Looking for Mark Maynard” page that people could link to. For now though, I just wanted to get the photo up on the page. If you’re reading this and you think that this might be you (quite a few Mark Maynards have dropped by to visit this site actually), let me know and I’ll help you to get in touch with your sister. If you aren’t this man, but if he looks familiar, drop me a line and I’ll forward it to Aisling. (note: I don’t know the whole story behind it, but I think that Aisling might not be the girl’s real name. It’s confusing, but somewhere in this whole mix is a violent father that she and her mom are trying to stay hidden from.)

So, please help if you can. This is probably the only thing I will ever ask you to do that’s even remotely important…. other than subscribing to my magazine. You should probably do that too.

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dedication to focus

I want to limit what it is that we talk about here at MM.com from now on. From now on, I want to make this site a forum for the discussion of penis-slicing, ball-shaving and giant bird species. Ive done a little bit of research and Im fairly certain that this would be the only English language on-line forum for penis-slicing, ball-shaving and the discovery of giant bird species. I did find one site, a German site that delved into castration, hand removal and the giant squid, but that was as close as I came to finding a direct competitor. I really think that I could get in on the ground floor and corner this market.

Speaking of giant birds, heres something new from a reader named Dave Morris:

I had heard a story a few months back about a large bird spotted in Alaska. Heres a link to the article.

On a related topic- I was reading about the Demilitarized Zone in Korea the other day and they mentioned at the end of the article that the no mans land of the zone has become a refuge for a number of rare and endangered animals. Apparently, some animals are snobs and would prefer to keep their distance from us. The nerve.

I like the idea that wars, at least cold wars like the one between North and South Korea, could have a silver lining. I like the idea that, at this very moment, a species of giant birds could be hatching in the Demilitarized Zone, birds that could one day gobble all of us pathetic humans up.

Speaking of the Korean situation and pessimism concerning the future of mankind, in what might not be the most positive turn of events, the North Koreans say that they not only already have nuclear capability, but that they would consider exporting it to other nations. This, Im thinking, is probably not what we expected to hear when we sat down with them to discuss their calling an end to their nuclear development program. Lets hope that theyre bluffing though, in order to either extort more in the way of aid from America, or in order not to have us carry out preemptive attacks on their nuclear facilities.

Fortunately, its not all bad news in the paper today. Apparently, the US is ramping up its own production of nuclear weapons. I dont think that were referring to them as weapons of mass destruction though, or even nuclear weapons. Maybe were calling them something like Eternal Peace Bringers or Scrubbing Bubbles.

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nature preserve porn

A German sex shop owner takes dirty merchandise and dumps it in the woods because he can’t sell it. My question is this How the fuck bad of a business-person do you have to be if you cant sell porn videos and summer sausage-sized dildos?

My guess is that the guy must look like either an old, disapproving woman, or a very unhappy Jesus Christ.

“No, don’t run away, I am not angry. I am just demonstrating this lovely flogger… How about piss videos? We have a delightful assortment of european piss videos?”

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the most recent local murder-suicide

Theres a weird murder case here involving a computer science student at the University of Michigan who was, unbeknownst to her family, a topless dancer at a place up the road. She apparently met an older man while doing lap-dances there. They dated for a while He killed her at a Days Inn the other day and then took his own life next to his Jeep Liberty. The weird part is, according to a note that he left with his brother, he killed her because she had, a year or so ago, killed his daughter, a retarded 17 year old. She was, according to this note, drunk and playing with a pistol in his home. Instead of going to the cops at that point, he says, they buried the girl in the fruit cellar of the house The cops just exhumed the daughters body today and found that theyd buried her with her dolls and TV set.

The place that she danced is a mile or two away from where I’m sitting right now. Its called Leggs. Linette and I drive past it all the time. It looks like something created directly from the imagination of David Lynch. It has this palpable Twin Peaks quality, at least on the outside. To my knowledge, neither Linette or I has ever been inside. (Actually, it just occurs to me that this whole story harkens back to Twin Peaks; the murdered young woman, the fact that shes working in the sex industry in spite of her upbringing and honor student status, etc… Its creepy, and some day Im sure well see a made for TV movie about it… At least they won’t have died in vain. At least their sad story will bring entertainment to millions.)

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another old friend appears

This was a week for rekindling old friendships. First there was tea with Don Cupery, an old housemate from a decade ago. He had, over the last year or so, made repeated overtures of friendship, but Id kept up my anti-social behavior, always making excuses as to why I couldnt go out. Like a hermit crab, I finally, after much coaxing, poked my eye-stalks out from under the lip of my shell though. We went out and I had a good time. It was, as if by doing that, I opened up a long-closed door. All of a sudden, stuff started coming my way and I started taking advantage of it.

I had a beer a few nights ago with Andy Claydon. Andy, I think he might go by Andrew now, used to play in bands around Ann Arbor back in the day, back when I used to do that too. His band, The Monarchs, shared many a bill with my band, Prehensile Monkey-tailed Skink. He worked at a copy shop back then, years before I took up that same vocation. In that sense, and in others, he was, and continues to be, a pioneer.

Id only seen him once in the past ten years. I was at the local community college, getting ready to walk into a calculus class, when I saw him scurry past, on the floor below the one that I was on. I wasnt sure it was him, but I took a chance and said, Monarchs suck, Skink rules. He didnt hear me.

A year or so later, I got an email from him suggesting that we meet to discuss old times. (I mentioned his email, which came to me under a subject line reading, longer, thicker penis, a week or so ago.) Thursday night was our blind date. We met at the Sidetrack in Ypsi at 10:00 to take advantage of the cheap beer.

Andy did most of the talking. There wasnt much of anything about me that he didnt already know. Hed apparently been keeping track over the years, reading Crimewave USA and looking at this website. He knew about the song my current band, The Monkey Power Trio, had sold to Fox Sports a few years ago. He knew about the house that Linette and I had bought. He knew about our marriage. He knew that wed launched the CrimewaveUSA website. He even knows that I like the smell of my own feet, I realized as I was sitting there, sipping my second 20oz Black and Tan. All I could really contribute to the conversation was the occasional paranoid political rant, the type that I censor myself from posting here for fear of being carted off by Ashcrofts secret police.

The conversation was great though. Andy, and Id forgotten this, is an absolutely brilliant genius. We talked music and art theory, two things that I know next to nothing about. He told me about his most recent musical project, MHz, and his label, FlyingBomb. He told me about the many times that hed been screwed by major labels once they descended on the Detroit scene in the wake of the White Stripes. He didnt seem terribly bitter about it, at least not as bitter as I would have been.

We talked about the music business and huge industry it had become. We discussed the fact that Clear Channel communications had come into Detroit and started buying up venues and closing down others. We talked about the business of running a small label, something that I havent given much thought to even though my band essentially does that. We talked about the economics of pressing vinyl and playing shows. We talked about music as art, and then about art itself. He and I share an affinity for the idea of the artist as architect, someone who draws the plans and calls the shots, but doesnt necessarily put paint on canvas him or her-self. I could write a lot more, but well stop here for now. I have a lot more to say.

mm.com photo exclusive
Here, is Andy as he looked last night, while manning the sales booth at the Bulb Records ten year anniversary show. (Andy and I were both with bands that released stuff on Bulb when it just started, ten years ago.)

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