I’ve always known that one day I’d write a children’s book. I didn’t know until today, however, when I read the news story about the raccoon spotted riding on an alligator’s back through a Florida swamp, what it would be about. The image accompanying the article immediately brought to mind the weasel who flew a woodpecker across England a few months ago, and I knew, if I could just combine them somehow, I’d have something that kids and parents would love. So I took to the internet, researching real world interactions between weasels and raccoons, thinking that maybe, must maybe, I could come up with a realistic scenario that would explain a race or a competition between these two industrious little carnivores that would lead to one saddling up a woodpecker while the other commandeered a giant reptile. Sadly… and I’m sure this will come as a surprise to no one familiar with the internet… all I found were artist depictions of what sex might look like between an uninhibited woodland raccoon and his eager-to-please weasel friend. I did, however, find mention of a book published in 2005 (pictured above) called Boon the Raccoon and Easel the Weasel, which led me to think that I could possibly contact the illustrator about collaborating on a sequel. [There must be kids, I’m thinking, who would love to find out what happened to Boon and Easel.] I’m still trying to work out the details in my mind, but I’m thinking that it could be kind of like Thelma & Louise for kids… but where, maybe, instead of killing a would-be rapist, Boon and Easel do something like accidentally kill a grouchy, old groundhog. Whatever the reason, they end up on the wrong side of the law, and ultimately decide to coordinate there suicides… one falling from the back of a woodpecker after having his tiny eyes pecked out, and the other being dragged beneath the black, still waters of a swamp to be consumed by an alligator. [According to my research, there are no other children’s books that talk about the difficult subject of suicide pacts, so I think there could be real need.] Here’s the preliminary cover design.
Or maybe it’s more like Cannonball Run, with both animals trying to make their way across the country in record time using whatever means are available to them. I suppose that could work too. And, who knows, it might even sell better without the murder-induced suicide pact.
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A better story. The blind raccoon accidentally walks onto the alligator’s back like Mr. Magoo and his friend the weasel commandeers a woodpecker to go after him.
The day Easel and Boon got into the wrong mushroom patch.
You, sir, are my soulmate. Someone just snarked at me about my post adolescent yearnings to “marry Ian Curtis” as a way to mock my love for the band “Savages”. I retorted, “I didn’t want to marry Ian! We were going to fall in love and commit suicide together…oh, I guess that kind of is the definition of a marriage.”
So write that book my friend. I am just now beginning the hunt for the perfect take away gift for guests at my daughter’s Sweet Sixteen bash in three years.
These photos were taken after their jail break.
After they’d seduced the old badger in the prison sewing shop.
Don’t forget me!
http://www.boredpanda.com/crow-rides-eagle-bird-photography-phoo-chan/
They continue to inspire.
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/4j0190/thug_life_level_crow/