I hate popular culture. Yesterday, when I read about the European Space Agency’s Philae lander successfully touching down on Comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko, after traveling though space for over ten years, making it the first spacecraft to ever land on a comet nucleus, all I could think was, “It’s kind of just sitting there on that comet as it’s hurdling though space, like that champaign glass on Kim Kardashian’s ass.”
It’s not a thought that I’m particularly proud of, but it stuck with me all day long. I’d try to work, but my mind kept drifting back to the Philae lander and this champaign glass, wondering about the similarities between the two, both precariously balanced in space, and drawing the attention of everyone on earth.
“How many scientists,” I wondered, “did it take to calculate the approach, and figure out how to set it down just right? …And was the Philae lander team even bigger?”
I should note right up front that I have nothing against Kim Kardashian’s ass, or the place that it holds in American popular culture. I’m sure that it’s a fine ass, and I’m happy that it brings joy to people during these darks times in which we live. What bothers me is the fact that I know that it exists, without ever having sought out information on its existence, without ever having watched an episode of Kardashian’s television show, without ever having visited a website dedicated to the documentation of epic asses. I hate living in a world where, try as you might, there are some things that you can’t avoid. I don’t like knowing the comings and goings of Justin Bieber. I don’t like knowing when Lindsay Lohan drinks. I don’t like knowing that the Kradashian family exits. But there are these things that are just beyond our control, these enormous cultural entities circling us like low orbit satellites.
And, over the past 24 hours, though no fault of my own, I’ve been bombarded by Kim Kardashian’s ass, as everyone in the media struggled to find a new way to justify their interest, and spin it as something other than prurient. Literally every other story in my news feed had to do with the public display of this reality star’s large, oiled ass, as though it were something of historic significance. And, at the same time, buried between these various stories, if you could draw your attention to it, you saw these beautiful, little glimpses of Philae lander miraculously touching down.
The juxtaposition of the two stories, at least for me, was overwhelming. And I couldn’t stop drawing inferences about our country and our place in history. “The Philae lander wasn’t launched from the United States,” I found myself thinking. “It was a product of the European Space Agency. Kardashian, though, is ours, and she’s the one blowing up the internet.” It’s kind of sobering, don’t you think?
23 Comments
Ass worship has always been with us. It’s in our DNA. And it will be here long after the space program withers and dies, and we revert back to what we once were.
I don’t find her at all attractive.
Its harpoon failed and it’s feet, which were supposed to drill in and anchor it, didn’t work properly, probably due to the makeup of the comet. Somehow, though, it was able to jump to another location where, thanks to gravity, it seems to be better settled in. Philae is incredible.
To stop watching cable/broadcast TV is something more people should consider. It’s like inviting someone into your house who is either constantly trying to sell you garbage, barrage you with lies (election time), or tries to tell you about “shocking celebrity ” news, as if you care.
Once my spouse told a co-worker we didn’t watch TV and they just could not comprehend what someone would do with their time.
I am curious. Do people get updated on Kardashian, Bieber, Lohan and the like through social networking sites? I do not participate in social networking sites at all, but I do watch television, and I don’t hear much news about pop icons at all. Do Facebook friends send you this unwanted information?
The potential for a photo-mashup meme explosion between these two entities needs to be tapped, distilled into a top 25 list, and then distributed widely on social media by the end of the day. Don’t fail me internet.
Facebook exploded with Kim K’s ass yesterday, Frosted. Not only were people sharing the various stories, but every “news” source was pushing something by way of paid ad. Her ass was literally everywhere. First it was the champaign bottle. Then it was the full nude butt shot. Then it was the full nude front shot. Then it was the analysis. Everyone had a spin that allowed them to tastefully share an image or two. So, to answer your question, yes, friends do share things, but it’s also Facebook inserting stories that their partners pay them to insert. And the combination can be overwhelming.
It is interesting that Mr. Maynard claims to “hate popular culture,” yet, in all of the years that I have known him, been more knowledgeable and engaged with American popular culture than anyone else I know.
Brian,
Can you photoshop Philae onto her naked butt? Do you have the technology to make that happen?
City Farm.
I’m about to restore your faith in mankind.
According to the WSJ, Rosetta was tweeted more than Kim Kardashian on the day in question.
Read more:
http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2014/11/13/did-kim-kardashian-break-the-internet-how-she-compared-with-the-comet-landing-on-twitter/?mod=e2fb
Americans eat this stuff up. It’s our culture.
http://dangerousminds.net/content/uploads/images/belfiekk11.jpg
You can do what you want with the computer. I use it mostly for email, writing, and research; I’m too antisocial for social media. I wouldn’t have heard about the photo without this site.
Yeah – didn’t Mark major in Popular Culture at Michigan?
I am not complaining but I too would not have seen Kardashian’s photos if not for MarkMaynard.com. Thanks Mark.
I did major in American Culture. I don’t know that I’d call this culture, though. Yeah, ti’s probably worthy of study, but studying it would just make me sad. I’m old, I guess. But I don’t like the way that things are heading. Maybe, several decades ago, I’d be one of those people outraged by Elvis Presley shaking his hips. I don’t know. This just seems so hollow. It’s like we’ve reached the cultural end times. This is the butt of a reality television star who achieved celebrity with the release of a sex tape. I don’t think even Andy Warhol could have foreseen that.
And, for what it’s worth, I don’t have a television either. All the Kim Kardashian stuff I saw was online. And it wasn’t so much that my friends were sharing it. It’s more that every Facebook ad was pointing me toward a different story about her ass. the corporate media was all over it.
I don’t have a TV and I don’t participate in social media, but I still somehow knew about Kim K’s ass pics. The internet is turning us into a monoculture, so it’s the least common denominator shit that that reaches the biggest audiences.
These two worlds may not be so far apart after all.
Read more at Slate
It’s now hitting close to home.
I give you Shawn Gates:
http://imgur.com/PABzvpH
The is life on on comet 67P/C-G.
Read more:
http://www.extremetech.com/extreme/194530-comet-lander-philae-detected-organic-compounds-on-the-surface-just-before-shutting-down
As much as I hate Kim Kardashian, I have to admit that this is kind of beautiful.
http://i.imgur.com/NYwgACi.gif