Remember how, a few months ago, I jokingly told you that I was worried that I might have contracted tuberculosis? Well, I’m still coughing. And I’m coughing harder than ever. By my count, I’ve been coughing consistently for ten weeks straight, trying desperately to get something out of my lungs that apparently just won’t budge. It’s gotten so bad that I now have to steady myself with two hands when I cough. I’ve found that the best position is to arch my back, leaning forward, lifting one foot, and hanging my head slightly. This somewhat decreases the trauma to my lower back, which has been hurting like hell for the past month, and my brain, which must now be covered in bruises, having been slammed forcibly against the base of my skull several thousand times. Thankfully, it hasn’t happened so far today, but I coughed so hard yesterday that my field of vision was filled with flashing spots of light. Linette, forgetting for a moment what a hypochondriac I am, told me that I probably detached my retinas, so now I’m thinking that I’m just one epic coughing fit away from blindness. Thankfully, though, it’s keeping my mind off the imminent aneurysm, which, prior to that, had been at the forefront of my mind.
It occurred to me that I should tape record one of my coughing fits, which have been coming about every five minutes, and post it to the web, to prove to you just how horrific they are, but then I thought that it might prompt one of you to place a call to Family Protective Services.
The thing is, I don’t feel at all sick otherwise. It’s just a damned cough… and the headache, sore throat and back pain that go along with it. And that’s the frustrating part. I don’t have a cold, runny nose, fever, chills, or anything else. It’s just this persistent cough. And the doctors don’t know what to do about it. They say it’s not strep, whopping cough, or anything else that I should be alarmed by. They say that sometimes, after a cold, it just takes a while to shake the cough. And I’m running out of things to try, having gone through my allotment of Tylenol with codeine, several containers of Chinese herbal tea, all of the family soup recipes I’m aware of, several jars of honey, acupuncture, gallons of carrot, garlic, ginger juice, and any number of other things.
So, that’s what I’m doing tonight, and why I won’t be posting anything about the Republicans’ decision to postpone their convention, those eight people who were mistakenly shot by New York police officers, or how the conservatives of Ohio are planning to steal the election.
Oh, and I used to think that coughing was something our bodies did to protect us. I thought that it was the body’s way of getting rid of a virus. Now, though, I’m beginning to think that we just cough because that’s what the cold virus wants for us to do. It wants to spread, and it manipulates us to us make that happen through the act of coughing… It’s a weird thought, but might it not be true that we only exist to serve the cold virus? Maybe it’s that I’ve been leaning over a sink for ten weeks, holding on tightly as my body contorts in agony, but I’m beginning to feel as though I only exist because I can cough, and keep microorganisms alive in my warm, pink lungs…
14 Comments
walking pneumonia. I had it twice this year. Same symptoms, very dry cough nothing clears. going around. Get some azithromycin.
Sometimes you need to consult the experts. Get a Ouija board and see if you can contact the Smith Brothers.
Have you been careful how you eat your veggies? This guy had a pea plant growing in his lungs… http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-10945050
West Nile Virus?
Anxiety and stress feeds colds.
I like the idea that we (humanity) just exist because the viruses need us.
walking pneumonia. . . pertussis (whooping cough). . . go to a doctor!
I’m sorry to hear it. Maybe you’ve been cooped up too much, with all your blogging and breeding. Fresh air might help.
See a doctor. Make sure it’s not cancer.
Well, someone has to post this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzg7Ybv2Pmo
Jesus Christ Mark, go to a doctor!!!!
Go see a doctor. Make sure you get a chest xray, and make sure you don’t have asthma or reflux or both or something else. don’t just let ’em shrug you off.
I just came across this by accident but it sounds like we have the same thing – my cough is gradually getting better, my back is pretty bad as i’ve been coughing for so long. I’ve also had a really nasty sorethroat for months as well but now i’m just left with the cough.
I don’t want to scare you but i’ve had this cough for 5 months now. 5 months. It’s definitely getting better but it comes back every now and then. I’ve been to the doctor so many times, had various blood tests and nothing has come up. Might post later if I ever find out what it is.
He did go to a Dr. Doesn’t anyone read? I have the same thing. I went to a Dr… again… I went to a Dr… again… I went to a Dr. Nothing wrong with me. This cough is hell.