Funny or Die weighs in on Hoekstra’s race-baiting ad

Pete, I think the distinction may be lost on you, but, for the record, this means that the people of America are laughing at you, and not with you. Maybe next time you run for office, you should go with a political consultant who isn’t best known for having advised Christine O’Donnell to release an ad in which she states emphatically, “I’m not a witch.”

Speaking of the offensive Hoekstra ad that set this whole thing in motion, if you haven’t yet, you might want to check out our last thread on the subject. There are some really incredible comments. In particular, I’d suggest reading through the ones left by the fellow calling himself Pete, who claims, based upon a conversation with his Asian stepson, to know definitively that no Asians were offended by this ad. It’s truly incredible stuff…

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  1. Demetrius
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 6:04 am | Permalink

    Just for the record … none of my “White Relatives” were offended by the this Funny or Die parody.

  2. Edward
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 6:51 am | Permalink

    Does anyone know how much money the Hoekstra campaign pulled in as a result of this, and whether or not Stabenow ended bringing in more than he did because of it?

  3. Posted February 10, 2012 at 9:12 am | Permalink


  4. Mr. X
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 10:03 am | Permalink

    Nice try, Demitrius, but that’s not how it works. It’s not enough to just say that none of your relatives are offended. You have to go one step further and say that, because none of your relatives are offended, no people who share their skin color are. It’s a subtle difference.

    Speaking of our friend Pete, I’ve been giving it some thought, and I suspect that what happened is this. He grabbed his “Asian” stepson, made him watch the ad, and then said, “You aren’t offended by this, are you?” And, the kid, just wanting to be left the hell alone, said, “No. It’s awesome. There’s no such thing as racism in America. It only exists in the minds of white liberals.” Maybe he even said it in broken English, and bowed at the end, before walking away, calling the Pete an “asshole” under his breath.

  5. pete
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 10:40 am | Permalink

    You people are really sick racists, dont worry I will never be back to this site. I just hope some day mark decides to run for office cause I’ll surely be very outspoke. Fuck you all!

  6. Anonymous Mike
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 10:56 am | Permalink

    Thank you, Pete. I wish that all trolls were so accommodating. Most don’t know when to accept defeat and walk away, emasculated.

  7. Posted February 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm | Permalink

    pete is my favorite troll of the moment.

  8. Eel
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    Pete, I very much appreciate your work as well. You’re more than a troll. You’re a craftsman. If you post a link to your photo, I’d like to design a t-shirt, and see if maybe I can qualify for an Awesome Foundation grant to have a few hundred made, which I’ll then distribute for free to Asians. I’m thinking the front will say something like, “Me be thanky, thanky, Mr. Pete.” And the back would have your picture.

  9. Anonymatt
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    “I just hope some day mark decides to run for office”
    Um, I think you’re alone in this, including Mark.

  10. Posted February 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm | Permalink

    I thought Mark was already like the Emperor Norton of Ypsi.

  11. Meta
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 1:23 pm | Permalink

    Emperor Norton:

    Joshua Abraham Norton (c. 1819 – January 8, 1880), the self-proclaimed Imperial Majesty Emperor Norton I, was a celebrated citizen of San Francisco, California, who in 1859 proclaimed himself “Emperor of these United States” and subsequently “Protector of Mexico”.

    Born in England, Norton spent most of his early life in South Africa. He emigrated to San Francisco in 1849 after receiving a bequest of $40,000 from his father’s estate. Norton initially made a living as a businessman, but he lost his fortune investing in Peruvian rice.

    After losing a lawsuit in which he tried to void his rice contract, Norton left San Francisco. He returned a few years later, apparently mentally unbalanced, claiming to be the Emperor of the United States. Although he had no political power, and his influence extended only so far as he was humored by those around him, he was treated deferentially in San Francisco, and currency issued in his name was honored in the establishments he frequented.

    Though he was considered insane, or at least highly eccentric, the citizens of San Francisco celebrated his regal presence and his proclamations, most famously, his “order” that the United States Congress be dissolved by force and his numerous decrees calling for a bridge crossing and a tunnel to be built under San Francisco Bay (which both happened long after his death in the form of the San Francisco – Oakland Bay Bridge and the Transbay Tube). On January 8, 1880, Norton collapsed at a street corner, and died before he could be given medical treatment. The following day, nearly 30,000 people packed the streets of San Francisco to pay homage to Norton. Norton’s legacy has been immortalized in the literature of writers Mark Twain, Robert Louis Stevenson and Neil Gaiman who based characters on him.

  12. dr_eats_babies
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm | Permalink

    I used to love Emporer Norton’s blog. I wish he hadn’t stopped writing it and taken down the archive.

  13. Meta
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm | Permalink

    I don’t know how much Hoekstra raised with the ad, Edward, but here’s something that I just received from Stabenow’s campaign.

    In just a few days, we easily beat our “money bomb” goal of matching the $144,000 that Pete Hoekstra spent on his shocking Super Bowl ad. Thousands signed the petition and donated to the campaign to show that they will not stand for politicians who say or do anything to get elected.

    Pete Hoekstra tried to hide his record in the worst way possible – and it backfired.

    There’s only one candidate in this race who voted for the $700 billion bailout: Pete Hoekstra.

    There’s only one candidate in this race who voted for the irresponsible Bush tax cuts that added $1 trillion to the deficit: Pete Hoekstra.

    There’s only one candidate in this race who voted to protect tax breaks for companies that ship jobs overseas: Pete Hoekstra.

    Today, thanks to you, I have some good news to share. The Detroit News reports, “Hoestra backs off ad.” Michigan Radio is even more clear: “Hoekstra yanks controversial ad.”

  14. Andy C
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    Please stop using the word troll as an insult for someone you disagree with. EOS, for example, never trolls. S/he is always post on topic and just because you disagree, you use the branding of troll. You might feel that lowercase pete maybe talking out of his ass but he’s pretty on topic and does not deserve the troll branding.

    “Troll: In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.”

  15. Mr. X
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 3:03 pm | Permalink

    Did you read through my whole exchange with him, Andy? I think, taken in their totality, his comments qualify him for competition in the troll olpympics.

    Here are the highlights.

    1. He says that no Asians were offended by the ad
    2. It’s pointed out to him that several Asian American groups had issued statements
    3. He says those are “groups”, not individuals, and that they’ve got ulterior motives
    4. It’s pointed out to him that a local Chinese American politician, who happens to be a Republican, pulled her support from the Hoekstra campaign due to the ad
    5. He said that she had political motivations.
    6. I brought up that Chinese American members of my own family were offended
    7. He says that we’re the racists

    That’s classic troll.

  16. Brainless
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 3:15 pm | Permalink

    Sweet everybody – Andy is the official “you’re doing it wrong” nag! Only he knows the one true way to the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s good graces. Troll with caution, my brothers and sisters.

  17. Burt Reynolds
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 3:35 pm | Permalink

    Andy, I’m not sure what your experience is with forums, but pete was certainly a troll. He BS’d a story about having an Asian step-son who speaks for the entire Asian community on what is and isn’t offensive. When called out, he immediately switched topics to how we as “democrats” don’t care about Detroit? and are racist. He is the epitomy of a troll on an internet forum.

  18. Burt Reynolds
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    Sorry Andy, that came off rude. No offense meant.

  19. Andy C
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 3:46 pm | Permalink

    The dude Mark made a disclaimer for a while back was defiantly a troll. So you heavily disagree with lowercase pete and what he says is offensive but he is still posting in relation to the topic.

  20. Andy C
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm | Permalink

    I apologize for being a nag. I’ll will leave you all alone to shit on each other in peace.

  21. alan2102
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 7:04 pm | Permalink

    Mark: “It’s truly incredible stuff…”

    Indeed. The brouhaha over this ridiculous, trivial ad is indeed incredible. What idiots we are.

  22. Posted February 11, 2012 at 7:55 am | Permalink

    There is the possibility that pete was not a troll, but was, in fact, intellectually challenged.

  23. Robert
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 10:43 am | Permalink

    Is anyone else here thinking EOS and Pete may be the same person?

  24. Robert
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 11:24 am | Permalink

    Using the name “Pete” as in Hoekstra and then making a point of stating emphatically that he “will never be back to this site” seem they could be attempts to appear a stranger to this blog. Maybe EOS has an Asian step-son which he thinks gives credence to his feelings on issues relating to all people of Asian descent, but he didn’t want us to have that clue as to his identity. He must know I have been combing through all his comments to his blog, constructing a profile which may lead us to him.

    EOS seems strangely absent from the Hoekstra ad discussion. Other than one short comment he made at 2:35 pm on Wednesday, he hasn’t said anything about it. It was only 10 minutes after that when “pete” posted another one of his responses to Mr.X.

    Pete’s sentence structure and grammar may differ from EOS’s patterns. I haven’t done an intensive comparison yet on that. I just thought the comments of our mysterious “pete” may be a clue in my project to identify EOS and I thought it worth mentioning.

  25. EOS
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 11:33 am | Permalink

    Get a life Robert. You’re clueless.

  26. Robert
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 11:53 am | Permalink

    My life is hunting you, EOS, and I cannot rest until I know the truth. The “pete” thing is just a possible lead I am following for now. I have no confidence it will pan out, but we’ll see if it provides anything. One thing I can tell you is that I am not completely clueless. I’ve have in fact gathered a few intriguing clues already, so I am not as you say, ‘clueless.” I’ll be sure to put together a comprehensive post when I think I’ve solved the puzzle of your identity.
    My theory is that the way you portray yourself on this blog is dramatically different from the way you are in real life. It is of course very common on the Internet for people to construct an identity more in line with how they’d like to be perceived than with the reality of who they truly are. Most people I know in real life who share your attitudes and opinions is not so guarded about their identities. It’s unusual, you’d have to admit. I intend to get to the bottom of it. You saw what I did to dragon didn’t you?

  27. Robert
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 11:54 am | Permalink

    I apologize for the errors in grammer.

  28. Robert
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 12:01 pm | Permalink

    …and thank you for the rapid response, EOS. It’s interesting you didn’t respond with your usual levity and instead were dismissive. That is unusual for you…not to toy with me on my suggestion.

    I am curious. What is your opinion on this Hoekstra ad anyway?

  29. dragon
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 1:52 pm | Permalink

    I apologize for the errors in grammer.

    Spelling: You owe me one too.

  30. Robert
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 2:03 pm | Permalink

    The apology was meant for you too dragon.

  31. EOS
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 8:15 am | Permalink


    “My theory is that the way you portray yourself on this blog is dramatically different from the way you are in real life.”

    If that were actually true and you are gathering clues from what I have posted on this site, then how can you determine my real identity from this “false identity” I have constructed?

    Or if everything that I have posted about myself is actually true, and you construct a comprehensive post of all my traits, how will that help you identify me if I am not a public figure or well known and we have never met?

    That’s why I still think you are clueless. But I am intrigued – what did you do to dragon? And by the way, I think the Hoekstra ad is stupid and ineffective, but I also don’t believe, generally speaking, that racism is proven merely because some are offended.

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