Death Race 2012

It’s not that I want to run people over, but, occasionally, I see something that brings Death Race 2000 to mind, and I wonder, if I were to slip into Machine Gun Joe Viterbo mode and do the unthinkable, how many points I’d get. Today, driving through downtown Ann Arbor, I had one of those moments. There was a man, standing chest-deep in a hole, in the middle of the street, and I started visualizing the points going up on the tote board.

For those of you who’ve never had the pleasure of seeing the film, which starred a pre-Rocky Sylvester Stalone, here’s the background from Metafilter. [The trailer for the film can be found here.]

…In the year 2000, the United States has been destroyed by a financial crisis and a military coup. Political parties have collapsed into a single Bipartisan Party, which also fulfills the religious functions of a unified church and state. The resulting fascist police state, the United Provinces, is headed by the cult figure “Mr. President” (Sandy McCallum). The people are kept satisfied through a stream of gory gladiatorial entertainment, which includes the bloody spectacle of the Annual Transcontinental Road Race, depicted as a symbol of American values and way of life. The coast-to-coast, three-day race is run on public roads, and points are scored not just for speed, but for the number of innocent pedestrians struck and killed…

In unrelated news, the episode of Fear Factor scheduled to air this week featured contestants chugging mugs of warm donkey semen.

And, speaking of Death Race 2000, I know it might sound interesting, but, as I recall, it wasn’t nearly as good in reality as you’d think from the writeup… You know a movie’s bad when Roger “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls” Ebert gives it zero stars for ‘unnecessarily and gratuitous nudity and violence.’

I don’t know if I ever mentioned it here before, but, at some point, remind me to tell you about the conversation I had with Russ Meyer about Roger Ebert.

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8 Comments

  1. Edward
    Posted February 1, 2012 at 9:49 am | Permalink

    Was there seriously no barricade of any kind around this guy? Or did you remove it for the photo?

  2. Andy C
    Posted February 1, 2012 at 10:52 am | Permalink

    I like that the guy looks like he’s keeping a watchful eye and is ready to duck in his hole like a groundhog.

  3. Eel
    Posted February 1, 2012 at 10:53 am | Permalink

    The cars would hit those little dirt ramps he’s built, and jump right over him.

  4. K2
    Posted February 1, 2012 at 11:30 am | Permalink

    I prefer my donkey semen ice cold.

  5. anonymous
    Posted February 1, 2012 at 12:30 pm | Permalink

    Do you always spray paint an arrow on the ground before taking a photo, showing you which way to face?

  6. K2
    Posted February 1, 2012 at 12:55 pm | Permalink

    I think, when the future finally makes it here, it’ll be more like Idiocracy than Death Race 2000.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXRjmyJFzrU

  7. John Galt
    Posted February 1, 2012 at 4:30 pm | Permalink

    You were just a few minutes early, Mr. Maynard. Hence the surprised look on the man’s face. He’d been contracted by myself and Rick Snyder to put a booby trap in front of your favorite restaurant. Here’s what the finished product would have looked like.

    http://images.travelpod.com/users/brianmcdonald/1.1321516417.booby-trap.jpg

  8. Mark
    Posted February 1, 2012 at 6:05 pm | Permalink

    I just think it’s funny that, in the wake of 9/11, we’re supposed to report every unattended shopping bag, but, here’s this guy, who doesn’t appear to have any official identification, just digging away, in broad daylight, in the middle of the street, and no one even thinks twice about it.

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