The darker side of Clementine

Clementine’s second grade teacher reads this site. Yesterday, she wrote to request that I post another installment of Totally Quotable Clementine. Unfortunately, as I explained to her last night, there haven’t been a lot of charming moments these past few weeks. I mean, there are, of course, moments where Clementine says interesting things, but I haven’t felt as though they’d translate to a wider audience. So, I explained this to Clementine’s teacher last night, over Facebook, and told her that I’d try to come up with something soon. As coincidence would have it, upon going downstairs to make breakfast the next morning, I found this waiting for me on the kitchen table. (You can’t see it in this photo, but there’s a “you” on the left hand side.)

So, yeah, it’s a little ball that says, “you will die” across the bottom… I asked Clementine if she’d intended it for me, and she said that she hadn’t. “It’s supposed to be like a Magic 8 Ball,” she said. To which I responded, “But it just has one fortune.” Then, there was just silence for a second or two, as we stared at one another. Eventually, we moved on to talk about other things.

[And how great of an idea for a product is that? Who wouldn’t want an Magic 8 Ball that just said, “you will die”? I think it’s brilliant, but maybe that’s just because I’m her dad.]

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  1. Fran
    Posted November 26, 2011 at 9:58 pm | Permalink

    Yes, and yes. I’d be a little creeped out if it was for you (slightly made me feel a little “redrum” there) but the idea of a single fortune 8 ball is something cool. kind of like a voodoo doll. If it was manufactured to look EXACTLY like the original Magic 8 ball it would just freak the shit out of people. I like how that girl thinks. Still hoping for a future wedding.

  2. TeacherPatti
    Posted November 26, 2011 at 11:06 pm | Permalink

    I once had a very dramatic student who, whilst in the 8th grade, realized that we are all mortal. I mean, she knew it, but it was one of those things that suddenly hit her really, really hard. My aide and I talked to her about it a lot and tried to make her feel better. This ball might have cheered her up… or else completely creeped her out.

  3. Joanna
    Posted November 26, 2011 at 11:48 pm | Permalink

    I think I will die laughing. So maybe the 8 ball is for me. Clementine has told my fortune through the medium of your blog, and provided the cause of it at the same time. Scary but brilliant.

  4. dan from austin
    Posted November 27, 2011 at 12:14 am | Permalink

    It’s a fucking TRUTH ball. Holy shit.

  5. Shelley
    Posted November 27, 2011 at 2:34 am | Permalink

    I’m not her dad and I think it’s pretty brilliant

  6. Susan
    Posted November 27, 2011 at 6:54 am | Permalink

    Ah! Finally, some news we can use! Thank you, Mark.

  7. Thom Elliott
    Posted November 27, 2011 at 9:21 am | Permalink

    That girl is clearly a born philosopher, get her reading the Plato today. Of course its not quite a ‘fortune’ as death could happen any second, not in some distant future where it will happen to someone who feels removed from you, but literally any moment, today. In the middle ages, there would be statues of St. Christopher outside churches that people would touch upon entering under the belief that the saint would protect you from death just long enough to confess your sins. Of course acceptance of death as the acceptance of the flower giving fruit is something the technological world robs us of, forcing all thoughts of mortality out, and allowing only thoughts of production in.

  8. Eel
    Posted November 27, 2011 at 9:24 am | Permalink

    I dare you to toss it into that retirement home on Cross Street.

  9. Posted November 27, 2011 at 10:30 pm | Permalink

    By “it” do you mean the Death Ball (TM) or Clementine?

  10. Alfie
    Posted November 29, 2011 at 3:35 pm | Permalink

    She should design Christmas tree ornaments for Hallmark.

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