Anton LaVey on enjoying the company of animatronic alcoholics

A few days ago, I had a post here about a bar in Orlando that I went to with my family that was full of animatronic dinosaurs. Well, I mentioned at the end of that particular piece that I was concerned that, based upon this experience, my daughter might get the impression that bars were in fact happy, fun places, instead of the sad, pathetic hiding places for the unloveable which we all know them to be. And, somehow, in the process of conveying this thought, I compared animatronic dinosaurs to real life alcoholics… Anyway, that sparked a conversation in the comments section on animatronic alcoholics, like those found in Cheers-themed airport bars. So, with that in mind, I’d like to ask you a question that was posed in the thread.

Q: If you were to create an animatronic alcoholic for your bar, what would you have him/her say?

If I had just one, it would be a 65 year old man, and I would have him sob softly, occasionally saying things like, “They used to give you free goddamn peanuts here.”

Oh, and speaking of animatronic alcoholics, I learned from my friend Doug Skinner that Anton LaVey, the founder of the Church of Satan, may have been the first to have experimented with them… There’s even video, if you can believe it.

LaVey says, among other things, that he prefers their company to that of his friends.

LaVey, for those of you who aren’t familiar with him, was also an accomplished musician, having played synthesizer, pipe organ and calliope on the carnival circuit, and in bars and burlesque houses for years before striking it rich with Satan. If you’re interested, you can here his work here, in a track from the album Satan Takes a Holiday, which was produced by our mutual friend Gregg Turkington.

[Speaking of famous Satanists, tonight’s post is dedicated to the West Memphis Three, who were just released from prison after 19 years, for three murders which they most likely had nothing to do with.]

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  1. Andrew A. Sailer
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 5:03 am | Permalink

    LaVey claims to have had sexual relations with Marilyn Monroe. He liked to tell stories. He was born too early. He would have been great on reality television. Can you imagine him on Big Brother, or the The Bachelor?

  2. Edward
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 8:30 am | Permalink

    LaVey looks like he’s made of wax in the still image from the YouTube video.

    I’d love to have a life-sized Anton LaVey candle.

  3. T Miggins
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 8:44 am | Permalink

    I know they’re supposed to be scary, but I find Satanists funny.

  4. Eel
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 9:21 am | Permalink

    My animatronic alcoholic would talk about his blog.

    And sketch goatsees.

  5. Posted August 22, 2011 at 10:08 am | Permalink

    I think of LaVey as an entertainer, a showbiz Satanist. He seems to have had a lot of fun. I have that CD; I could afford it, because I didn’t squander my allowance on jelly beans.

  6. Smelly Tongues
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    LaVey was definitely an entertainer. A damn good one if you ask me. As another poster suggested…seeing him on reality television would have been worth watching.
    Maybe we should open one of these bars in Ypsi. Ours would be seedier though…much more fun. It could be like a Showbiz Pizza for adults. I’m in…who wants to work on some animatronics with me?

  7. Mr. X
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    Maybe if you posted under a different name, Mr. Tongues.

    My animatronic alcoholic would be an old, bald Anton LaVey. He would just sit at the corner of the bar, staring at young ladies, and tapping his comically large Baphomet ring against the bar. And, when you dropped a quarter into the slot at the back of his neck, he’d tell you about banging Marilyn Monroe.

    I wonder how much it would cost to license his image. I could see a chain of these in airports.

  8. Elf
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

    Real alcoholics are a lot less expensive. Hell, they actually make you money if you’re a bar owner. And they’re more entertaining. But I suppose that a robot might be more reliable.

  9. Posted August 23, 2011 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    LaVey claimed he had an affair with Jayne Mansfield, too. For my quarter, though, I want to hear him sing “Honolulu Baby.”

  10. Eel
    Posted August 23, 2011 at 2:13 pm | Permalink

    I’ve located a wax figure of Anton LaVey, but not of Doug Henning. Here’s LaVey. I’m about to call the museum to see if it’s for sale.

  11. UB
    Posted September 24, 2011 at 8:18 am | Permalink

    But did he have a robotic butt scrubber like Steve Pierce?

  12. Posted September 24, 2011 at 8:35 pm | Permalink

    Lots of comments tonight that need explaining…

    I don’t have the link at the moment, but, quite a while ago, an Ypsi city leader left a comment here on the site about a special remote controlled device that he had imported from Japan for the purposes of cleaning his nether regions. If it’s important to anyone, I’ll find the link.

  13. Boston Market Marketing Dpt.
    Posted October 16, 2011 at 3:07 pm | Permalink

    We were working on an ad campaign with Mr. LaVey when he passed. He was going to say, “It’s sinfully delicious,” as one of his robotic friends nodded. It would have been great. Instead we did something with something with a popular country music personality.

  14. Warren488
    Posted October 25, 2011 at 3:30 pm | Permalink

    999 turned upside down is 666. That got me thinking about the connection between Herman Cain and Satan. So I started looking for information on Anton LeVay. Imagine my surprise when I read here that he built robots! I know it’s outrageous to even hint at it, but what are the chances that Cain is one of these robots, programmed and built by the head of the Church of Satan, left behind to do the dark lord’s bidding?

  15. Adam G
    Posted November 2, 2011 at 12:00 am | Permalink

    I think I recognize one of these. It teaches at my daughter’s school.

  16. Ada
    Posted November 5, 2011 at 9:17 pm | Permalink

    Anton is the robot. The others are human.

  17. children's furniture collector
    Posted November 16, 2011 at 2:12 am | Permalink

    Did Anton LeVay also make children’s furniture? If so, I’m in the market for a c changing table. Can anyone help?

  18. Unins Nord
    Posted November 26, 2011 at 5:45 am | Permalink

    He was known for his bassinets made of teak.

4 Trackbacks

  1. By The day the Mark went dark on January 4, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    […] now got about half a dozen people on the team. Most of them, it’s true, are worthless animatronic alcoholics purchased from the estate of Anton LeVey, but, together, we’re more than the sum of our parts. (I had to purchase LeVey’s […]

  2. […] as they tell me about their shameful pasts. [Speaking of sad, beer-drinking robots, who remembers this post?] And, of course, I wouldn’t capture images of the people on the other side of the […]

  3. By Ypsi Immigration Interview: Forest Juziuk on November 2, 2016 at 7:53 am

    […] mistaken, she is, or was, into the metal scene in California. And I also believe that LaVey himself was friends with Gregg Turkington of Amarillo Records. It’s just interesting how much these Satanist connections […]

  4. […] MARK: Did you get to work at all with LaVey? If so, I’d be curious to know your impression of him. I seem to recall talking with Gregg Turkington about him once, as they worked together on the record Satan Takes a Holiday, but I can’t remember any stories… I’d be particularly interested to know if you ever had the occasion to visit his house and seen his animatronic drinking buddies. […]

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