Happy Holidays from Mark Maynard dotcom


I picked this up a few days ago from my friend Lisa Petrucci in Seattle. Lisa, with her husband, owns the video company called Something Weird, which specializes, among other things, in retro bondage stuff. (They were a long-time Crimewave advertiser.) Anyway, Lisa sent a bunch of old, xmas-themed bondage shots that she’s collected over the years, and I thought that I’d share one, in the spirit of the holidays.

And, no, bondage doesn’t traditionally play a roll in our Ypsilanti Christmas. We’re pretty boring. We don’t even watch Donald Duck videos, like good Swedes are supposed to. We just share stories about the Krampus snatching away naughty children, over frothy cups of soynog.

So, what kind of traditions do you have in your family?

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  1. Posted December 24, 2009 at 12:01 pm | Permalink

    Your friend’s website is awesome…I think I just started a lovely new tradition of watching 70s porn trailers on Xmas Eve. Lots of boobs, not much dong, but at least the folks looked…real, which I guess kind of ruins it for some (most) people.

  2. Posted December 24, 2009 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, we were talking about Krampus last night, which led into a discussion of Zwarte Peit and other Santa companions which we are generally lacking in the US. Also of the Christian coopting of pagan midwinter traditions. I think we should start a Krampus festival in Ypsi. We could make masks and costumes from the hides of locally harvested groundhogs (just trying to tie in with another Ypsi festival proposal!).

  3. generic zithromaz
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

    Hmm… I read blogs on a similar topic, but i never visited your blog. I added it to favorites and i’ll be your constant reader. Hail Krampus!

  4. Posted December 24, 2009 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

    It hadn’t occurred to me when I first posted this, but there’s an obvious connection between Krampus and bondage… in that he chains and ties up bad little kids.

    And, for what it’s worth, I like my Christmases without much dong.

  5. Posted December 24, 2009 at 9:27 pm | Permalink

    And I love the idea of a local Krampus event!

    What day of the week is December 10, 2010?

    Here, from Wikipedia, is the background:

    The word Krampus originates from the Old High German word for claw (Krampen). In the Alpine regions, Krampus is represented by an incubus-like creature. Traditionally, young men dress up as the Krampus in the first two weeks of December, particularly on the evening of December 5, and roam the streets frightening children and women with rusty chains and bells.[1] In some rural areas the tradition also includes birching – corporal punishment with a birch rod – by Krampus, especially of young girls. Images of Krampus usually show him with a basket on his back used to carry away bad children and dump them into the pits of Hell.

  6. Andy C
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 9:33 pm | Permalink

    I wanted to get a group together to wear chicken heads and go caroling. Kluck only Religious songs, none of the Santa stuff. My wife says that someone would pull a gun on us. We’d call ourselves “The Ypsi Chickens”.

  7. Posted December 24, 2009 at 10:29 pm | Permalink

    Andy, that is an awesome idea!!! :)

  8. Andy
    Posted December 25, 2009 at 3:37 am | Permalink

    Merry Christmas Mark!!!

    Also, that picture is oddly arousing. >_> <_< *runs*

  9. Edwardo
    Posted December 25, 2009 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    It looks like they’re sitting on a giant piece of bacon.

  10. Posted December 30, 2009 at 9:43 pm | Permalink

    I’ tempted to Google “bondage + bacon”, but I can’t seem to muster up the courage.

  11. kingpin
    Posted December 31, 2009 at 9:20 am | Permalink

    insert “horribly distasteful joke comparing bacon and sausage” here:

  12. Posted March 2, 2011 at 9:16 pm | Permalink

    RE: Madison, Wisconsin, USA, protests


    Yep. Some of our clowns definitely take inspiration from Krampus –“the henchmen of Saint Nick” thing you find in the Austrian, German and Swiss Alps. We live in Wisconsin, a bastion of German heritage, and we see those clowns as something we lost– something we want back!

    The Nazis apparently hated Krampus. Our antlers tip in respect to those clowns. But this is global. We love love love the Japanese Namahage and the Native American Heyokas too! We embrace them all.

    If we have one reservation though, it involves terrorizing little children into obedience, servitude or serfdom. That makes us cry. We no like that. Here, we do take our cues more from the Native American clowns (as well as other intact tribal traditions), more so than Krampus (as it is performed in the Alps today).

    We’re here to sweep away the vile spirit of big, greedy, power-mad ego– the ones that seemingly care so little for the children– the ones that would imperil their own grandchildren just to line their own pockets. Our heart-sworn ethic is to do this with humor, creativity, art, dance, music and absurdity. Yes, we would willingly spank naughty parents and politicians, but the children are sacrosanct.

    Sacred Clown Union is for the children– for their creativity, playfulness, and egoless-ness. We laugh and rampage, but we also cry over the loss of those qualities in “more mature” people. WE ARE HERE TO SAY: RETURN RETURN RETURN RECOVER RECOVER RECOVER get back to that creature you were before someone or something corrupted your mind!

    We don’t care how you put on your clown or what you do to entertain the folk, just evoke love, empower your own personal sense of creativity, and get out there and get silly! And be REALLY sweet to the moms and the kids and the animals in particular!

    OK, an admission here: we really do want to spank Sarah Palin until she squeals in orgasm! It would be healing for her! We are cunning linguists! We guarantee her satisfaction! As John Cleese once said, “Michael Palin is the funniest Palin.” No argument there.

    Now it is time for all clowns to practice their silly walks. Get busy. Everyday! Silly walk practice for 5 minutes!

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