The Family Uniform

A few years ago, I put out the word that I was looking to develop a “family uniform” for Clementine, Linette and myself. Here’s what I posted:

It doesn’t have to be an actual uniform, but I was thinking that it might be nice for Linette, Clementine and me to have at least one matching set of clothes. The easiest thing, I suppose, would be to buy identical coveralls from a uniform supply place, and then maybe embellish them a bit with some patches or “accent colors.” (Maybe bright orange hazmat suits with some robin’s egg blue piping, minus the hoods, worn with neckerchiefs.)

Throughout my entire childhood, every day that my dad didn’t go off to work wearing a tie, he was staying home and working around the house in what can best be described as a one-piece, Army surplus jungle suit. I’m sure when I was really young that I thought it was cool, but it never crossed my mind to ask him how I could go about getting one for myself. And, it sure as hell never crossed my mind to suggest that he, my mom, my little sister and me all get them, and then go out in public. But, in spite of that, I have to say that I love the idea of doing it now with my family.

Actually, as much as I like the idea of matching flight-suits that say “team maynard-lao” across the back, I think that Linette would prefer something a little more low-key, like matching knitted sweater-vests that we could wear during the holidays… perhaps something with snowmen on them.

Remember that scene in “The Sound of Music” where Julie Andrews makes all the kids matching outfits out of curtains? Maybe that’s what’s responsible for this new obsession of mine. Or, maybe it’s Devo. Whatever it is, I can’t seem to get the idea out of my mind that we need at least one coordinated ensemble… Maybe I should just go out to the fabric store and pick up a bolt of satin and a bolt of velour and see what happens.

Anyway, if you have any suggestions, or words of warning, please leave a comment.

Well, as I was sitting here today, talking with Clementine, the idea resurfaced in my mind for some reason. (Maybe I subconsciously liked something that she was wearing, and wanted it for myself.) And I remembered that, among the original responses to my plea, I received a great sketch from my friend Ken Boyd in Atlanta. When I went back to find it online, though, I found that it had been mysteriously erased from the site. Fortunately, however, I was able to reconstruct it just now using my cyber sleuthing skills. And, here, for those of you who have never had the pleasure of seeing it, it is… Behold.


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  1. Posted July 27, 2009 at 9:53 pm | Permalink

    First one to get it tattooed wins a box of hair.

  2. Posted July 27, 2009 at 9:58 pm | Permalink

    This, I think, would make a great ceramic aquarium sculpture.

    We look like we’re growing on the bottom of the ocean.

  3. Posted July 27, 2009 at 10:00 pm | Permalink

    Oh, before you go and get the tattoo, I wanted to let you know that the hair in the box isn’t mine. It’s just random bits of hair that I’ve collected over the past 20-some years.

  4. Posted July 28, 2009 at 12:06 am | Permalink

    Clementine probably outgrew that suit.

  5. Posted July 28, 2009 at 2:08 am | Permalink

    Great heads think alike

  6. kez
    Posted July 28, 2009 at 3:03 am | Permalink

    can i donate some hair to the box?

  7. Curt Waugh
    Posted July 28, 2009 at 8:59 am | Permalink

    Mark, did Ken draw you with a 6-pack? Is that your belly button?

  8. Kalvin
    Posted July 28, 2009 at 9:17 am | Permalink

    That’s either Mark’s penis, or his alternate feeding hole, for when his mouth is full.

  9. Mr. Johnson
    Posted July 28, 2009 at 9:23 am | Permalink

    This is wild. I’ve always pictured you wearing a giant, ribbed condom.

  10. Biblical Schoolar
    Posted July 28, 2009 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    I’d know the Three Wise Men anywhere.

  11. Steve Swan
    Posted July 28, 2009 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    Can someone people add a bunch of pubic hair at their bases?

  12. Larry
    Posted July 28, 2009 at 10:36 pm | Permalink

    48 years old. Still don’t know who or what I am.

  13. Sad Karen
    Posted July 29, 2009 at 8:46 am | Permalink

    I like the idea of a moomoo with three head holes, like you’re all part of one giant, bed-ridden organism.

  14. Anaerobe
    Posted August 1, 2009 at 12:50 am | Permalink

    Uniforms are cool, but you want to leave some room for individual self expression. So, three groundhog skin loin cloths.
    You know you have four man boobs in the picture, right?

  15. Sparta
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 10:50 am | Permalink

    We all wear neon green unitards when we go out in public, so as not to lose one another in crowds.

2 Trackbacks

  1. By Darvos on March 18, 2010 at 8:56 am

    Any progress to report on this project?

  2. By Alona Jones on April 4, 2010 at 7:48 am

    You should be the First Family of Furries.

    Unicorns maybe.

    Or you could all dress like janitors, in grey uniforms, with a big ring of keys on each of your belts.

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