calling all personal injury attorneys

I was just minding my own business, watching CNN, when a thirty-sceond montage of scenes from “Brokeback Mountain” came on and turned me gay. I’m not a litigious person, but I’m wondering what something like this could be worth to me in a court of law. Please send me an email if you’re an attorney and think that this might be worth pursuing. (If it helps the case any, I also slipped and fell in the process… I think I chipped a vertebrae or two.)

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18 Comments

  1. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted June 16, 2006 at 1:19 pm | Permalink

    Oh no!!!! Your post on turning gay just turned me gay!

  2. Anonymatt
    Posted June 16, 2006 at 5:25 pm | Permalink

    I’ll recommend an attorney after you suck my cock.

  3. mark
    Posted June 16, 2006 at 11:38 pm | Permalink

    Nevermind. I think Matt just cured me of it.

  4. Anonymatt
    Posted June 17, 2006 at 12:37 am | Permalink

    I cured him with a splash of holy water.

  5. mark
    Posted June 17, 2006 at 7:55 am | Permalink

    No, I think it was more the thought of it.

  6. Anonymatt
    Posted June 17, 2006 at 12:36 pm | Permalink

    If you’re telling people you have turned gay, you should be willing to prove it. You should decide whether your joke is funny enough to be worth it before you post. This post obviously isn’t.

  7. UBU
    Posted June 17, 2006 at 3:47 pm | Permalink

    Do you swallow holy water?

  8. chris
    Posted June 17, 2006 at 5:38 pm | Permalink

    Good God Mark, WHAT did you do to Anonymatt? He has been pissed like forever.

  9. mark
    Posted June 17, 2006 at 10:30 pm | Permalink

    Anonymatt, are you really suggesting that people can’t be gay unless they such your cock?

  10. mark
    Posted June 17, 2006 at 10:40 pm | Permalink

    Maybe if I worked on the blog full-time it would make more sense. Sorry, Anonymatt. What I was trying to touch on in this post was the irrational fear expressed by many of homosexuality in mass media, and the ridiculous thought that one could change sexual orientation on a whim (by beating on pillows with tennis rackets, for instance). Maybe my execution was sloppy, but I think that everyone who reads this site on a regular basis knows how I feel about gay rights, etc.

  11. Anonymatt
    Posted June 18, 2006 at 11:37 am | Permalink

    Actually, Mark, you could have sucked anyone’s cock. I didn’t get a chance to make that clear.

    I don’t think I’ll ever see Brokeback Mountain because I’m sick of all the jokes about it. And they’re not stopping. If it’s some sinister political group’s plan to keep people from seeing the film, it worked with me.

    Chris, I don’t have time for all the details. I read all of Mark’s posts and rarely feel like commenting, but if Mark pisses me off, I will. So the sample’s biased.

  12. chris
    Posted June 18, 2006 at 12:58 pm | Permalink

    Well, get this. I have felt lately that Mark has been pissed off at me. So I am about to be pissed off at him to assuage my fears that I have done something to piss him off.

    It was a good movie though. When we saw it the entire movie house was sobbing…even men who I could tell refused to before they came in.

    But that Heath Ledger BUGS the fuck out of me. So use that as an excuse. He is the male equivalent of Andie McDowell.

  13. mark
    Posted June 18, 2006 at 10:09 pm | Permalink

    I wasn’t pissed at you at all, Chris, until you made that comment about Andie McDowell… Now, you’re dead to me.

  14. chris
    Posted June 19, 2006 at 10:25 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, well…well…Why I oughta….

    WeLL, let me ask you this, what does Linette think Andie McDowell.

    And, did you see the huge order I made on Amazon through your blog so you better find some fault w/ that Texan.

  15. mark
    Posted June 20, 2006 at 1:35 am | Permalink

    Oh, I didn’t know you’d placed an Amazon order. That does changes things – considerably.

    Andie McDowell is an ugly, talantless — am I allowed to say the “C” word, or can just women say that?

    (Actually, all joking aside, I did like her quite a bit in Groundhog Day.)

  16. chris
    Posted June 20, 2006 at 9:03 am | Permalink

    Wait, OK…I will give you groundhog day. And now, I amparanoid about my amazon order. If you link through your site to amazon eve if you have an account, do you still get a cut?

  17. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted June 20, 2006 at 10:36 am | Permalink

    Me thinks that perhaps Chris was the person who ordered the copy of Mein Kamp and the ball shaving apparatus. Can you check on that Mark?

  18. chris
    Posted June 20, 2006 at 9:21 pm | Permalink

    Jesus, I keep telling you people I am a woman. None the less, I must say I do have a huge set of balls…they’re just not hairy.

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