the evolution of the anogenital market space

According to the Science News, the taint of the human male is shrinking… No word from Phillips yet as to how this may impact the sale of their new line of personal grooming devices. (Check out this persuasive Flash animation of scissors chasing kiwis, if you’re unsure as to what the device is for.)

(I only posted this because 95% of the people that find this site through Google come to it by searching for “ball-shaving” information. (It’s a long story.) Anyway, as long as they’re here, I thought that I might as well be selling them ball-shaving paraphernalia… I just read an article on how to monetize your blog, and I’ve decided that I might as well play the ball-shaving hand that fate has dealt me and focus on the one thing that my readers are willing to pay for – smooth balls. To all of you who don’t care about such things, I am truly sorry.)

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  1. be OH be
    Posted May 8, 2006 at 8:52 am | Permalink

    Do I smell a “Save the Taint” campaign in your near future, Mark?

    That fruit and blade animation was painful to watch.
    As was the video of the creepy guy in the bathrobe.

  2. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted May 8, 2006 at 1:05 pm | Permalink

    This would explain why we haven’t heard much from our own Mr. Taint for a while. He’s been busy contracting.

    From now on can we call readers The Smooth Balls?

  3. Collin
    Posted May 8, 2006 at 2:56 pm | Permalink

    Deep down, who really doesn’t care about such things?

  4. Ted Glass
    Posted May 8, 2006 at 5:28 pm | Permalink

    If any species on the earth deserves extinction, it’s us.

    As genocide rages in Dafur, we’re shaving our balls.

    As our sons and daughters die in Iraq, we’re concerned with gaining the “optical inch” made possible by “manscaping.”

    As people are being tortured in foreign jails, in our name, we’re busy fawning over our smooth taints.

    Please, God. Bring the Bird Flu swiftly.

  5. mark
    Posted May 8, 2006 at 10:48 pm | Permalink

    Save it!
    Shave it!

    It’s perfect for picket signs.

  6. be OH be
    Posted May 9, 2006 at 9:45 am | Permalink

    You just need to modify that “optical inch” line to apply to taint.

  7. Anonymous
    Posted May 11, 2006 at 10:55 pm | Permalink

    Fear not friends, my mom was no phthalate junky. And I’m feeling as extended as ever. In fact, I’ve been overextended lately and almost missed this post completely.

    As far as the recent studies go, I guess my high school anogenital distance record just might stand in perpetuity.

  8. mark
    Posted May 11, 2006 at 11:55 pm | Permalink

    Glad to know that you’re still with us, Taint. I was getting worried there for a while.

    Here’s hoping that you remain expansive, and that your newly born son, little baby Taint, shares in your good fortune.

  9. Anonymous
    Posted May 12, 2006 at 1:18 am | Permalink

    90th percentile at his 6 week check-up!

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