zombie claus is coming

Something that I’m associated with has finally been Metafiltered… I feel all tingly…

Yup, the word about Zombie Claus is getting out. We even got a mention on the Laughing Squid… So, my friends, the eyes of the world are upon us. It’s now time for Washtenaw County, Michigan to step up into the limelight along with San Francisco, Austin, Vancouver and Madison, and demand the respect (and bloodshed) that is rightfully ours. (San Francisco was attacked by zombies in July ’05. Attacks on Vancouver and Austin followed in Auguest. And, the zombie levees around Madison were just breeched two weeks ago. None of them, however, were struck by this same virulent strand of the holiday-themed zombie virus that is drifting our way.)

I’ve been studying the videos captured by survivors (of the San Francisco and Madison attacks), and wondering what, if anything, we can learn from them… Stylistically, I think the San Francisco zombies moved too quickly. (I love the guy with the hand puppet though.) On the whole, if it were a competition, I’d give it to San Francisco, if only for the Apple product placement, which I thought was brilliant. (And, not to be catty, but a lot of the Madison zombies looked more healthy than I do on an average day. There were a few exceptions, however, and one of them is shown above. I just loved this woman chewing on the severed foot. If we had the budget, I’d fly her in for Friday… Another good thing about Madison is that they had child zombies. They weren’t at all convincing, but you’ve got to give them some points for being multi-generational.)

So, I ask you – What makes a good zombie? I don’t think we need to lay down a lot of rules on Friday, but perhaps it would be useful if we worked together to arrive at a few guidelines. I, for instance, would prefer that the zombies not groan “BRRRAINS…..” while attacking. It doesn’t strike me as very zombie-like… Oh, and here’s a question for debate — Should zombies carry signs? I know it may not be very zombie-like either, but I quite like the ones that show up in the Madison footage. Perhaps it’s best if we just leave it up to each member of the undead as to how they wish to present themselves. While continuity of theme might be nice, I don’t think it’s probably our place to interfere with someone’s artistic vision – undead or not… Perhaps we could all agree, however, not to touch non-zombies unless they offer us the “un-safe” word first. (We have at least one official zombie victim signed on so far, but we’d like more, so if you know of anyone that wouldn’t mind being torn apart, drop me a line.) So, no copping non-zombie feels. Can we at least agree to that?

So, watch the tapes and leave a comment. We’re getting down to the wire now… More news to follow.

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  1. mark
    Posted December 13, 2005 at 9:56 pm | Permalink

    And if you want to be on the email distribution list for the event, just send me an email at:


  2. Dave
    Posted December 14, 2005 at 12:15 am | Permalink

    What do victims need to do — scream and fall down?

  3. Anonymous
    Posted December 14, 2005 at 2:30 am | Permalink

    Training for both Non-Zombie Victims and Zombies is scheduled for Wednesday and Thursday Dec 14 & 15. We will be meeting at 8 AM and will try to wrap up by 4 PM on both days. The first half the first day will be an “Introduction to the Undead” for all participants. After lunch we’ll split into Zombies and Non-Zombie Victims for more specialized instruction.

    Zombie Claus training is divided into 4 main sections: general training, Part 1 proficiency, Part 2 proficiency and Part 3 proficiency. When the each proficiency test is passed the participant will be awarded a badge.

    Generally, each section involves the following in increasing detail:

    1. Improve your understanding of (Non)Zombies and of other (Non)Zombies.

    2. Enable you to improve your own (Non)Zombie skills mentally, emotionally, and physically and assist others in doing the same.

    Skill in using submodalities is an important prerequisite for successfully using many of the most powerful (Non)Zombie

  4. raster
    Posted December 14, 2005 at 8:54 am | Permalink

    The Madison Zombies has signs because Madison is known as a politically active city and they figured making a “Zombie Protest” would give it a Madison flavor.

    Oh yeah, not sure if you also saw the second video: http://tinkernet.org/2005/11/25/zombie-lurch-part-2/

  5. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted December 14, 2005 at 9:20 am | Permalink

    So, that’s how Mark plans to make money on this thing. I knew he had an angle, but I just didn’t know what it was. Now it all makes perfect sense. He’s making “zombie certification” mandatory, and he’s the only guy in town who’s teaching the course. Very fucking clever. The man has no soul.

    I bet the class is three credits at $100 per credit hour.

  6. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted December 14, 2005 at 9:21 am | Permalink

    And, on top of it all, he’s not even teaching the course himself. He’s outsourcing it to a taint!

  7. be OH be
    Posted December 14, 2005 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    I hear he prints the certificates from the trunk of his car.

  8. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted December 14, 2005 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

    I can smell the next wave of e-mail spam now – – zombie degrees.

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