my awesome figure

I just received this from Collin. I’d like to make some kind of insightful statement about it, but I can’t get past how FUCKING HOT I am with a waist… And in case you can’t read the small print, here it is: “Not responsible for sudden onset of obsessive-compulsive behavior or blood-filled eyes. Wash hands after using. Three times ought to do it. Highly poisonous. Do not chew. Contains small parts and evil. Sticks to most fabrics. Buyer beware. Ball shaving kit not included. Not suitable for children under the age of three.”

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10 Comments

  1. Posted January 28, 2005 at 2:09 am | Permalink

    Now with obsessive compulsive disorder!

  2. mark
    Posted January 28, 2005 at 7:45 am | Permalink

    Watch him curl up and cry in “panic attack” mode!

  3. brett
    Posted January 28, 2005 at 3:57 pm | Permalink

    hmm. maybe if the action figure morphed into the car, i’d buy it. “Optimus Mark” would be pretty great, especially armed with an orgasm ray.
    “TRANSMAYNARD- MORE THAN MEETS THE BLOOD-FILLED EYE.”

  4. Anonymatt
    Posted January 28, 2005 at 4:36 pm | Permalink

    It looks like you gave one photo to Collin and now he’ll be photoshopping it for the rest of his life. In fact, the portrait that he drew of you on the first page of the last CW looks like it was drawn off the same photo.

    Who’s the obsessive one here?

  5. Teddy Glass
    Posted January 28, 2005 at 4:56 pm | Permalink

    And god knows Mark posts enough damn photo of himself here. Narcissist.

    Maybe there’s somthing about this one that Collin likes though. Maybe it’s the one he’s got hanging in his locker at school, or the one he kisses before he goes to sleep at night.

  6. terry
    Posted January 28, 2005 at 7:22 pm | Permalink

    I like my Mark Maynard action figure better. I found it the other day while cleaning out a closet. Too bad I never got around to making that Ypsilanti play village with the phallic water tower.

  7. mark
    Posted January 29, 2005 at 10:58 pm | Permalink

    Terry, I just got the photo that you sent. I’ll post it up front. (It’s very cool.)

  8. Posted January 30, 2005 at 10:28 am | Permalink

    What I’m curious about is the fine print under the action figure itself. Does “Actual Size” refer to you or the action figure. Not that it matters. Don’t get me wrong. I kind of like the idea of a 3 1/2″ man serving up the world one hard-hitting story after another. Truly inspirational.

  9. Posted January 31, 2005 at 6:39 pm | Permalink

    Mark may have a lot of photos of himself here, but very few are straight on, uncluttered shots. That one worked best for what I needed, and once I had it clipped out why use different ones? I’m not sure I would call that obsessive.

    And yes, it’s the same one I used to make the illustration for the last Crimewave. Way back then Mark expressed an interest in my illustrating him and Linette, and that was one of (I think) three photos he sent me.

    And no, Teddy, it’s not in my locker at school and I don’t kiss it before going to sleep at night.

  10. mark
    Posted January 31, 2005 at 10:17 pm | Permalink

    I get taller when I get excited though, Keith.

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