After spending a hard day out campaigning for John Kerry, I decided to relax last night in front of the computer, enjoying all the new MM.com features and checking out the improved webstats program, especially the part that tells me how people get here. I’m not sure what I was expecting to find, maybe I was hoping that people were coming to the site in droves after searching for things like “brilliant insights on the future” and “Maynard + genius.” I’m sure it won’t be any surprise to you to learn that I didn’t find either of those phrases among the actual search terms that brought people here. I did find one cool thing though. Apparently, one of you out there made your way here the first time by searching for “Maynard + Orwellian.” I don’t know what prompted that particular search, but I’d like to think that I was the Maynard in question and that out there somewhere there’s a person that sees a connection between what Orwell did and my various projects. That delusional thought made me happy, if only for a moment.
As you might have guessed, most people came here looking for information on taints and ball shaving. Among other things, I learned that MM.com apparently comes up fifth when people Google for “Marines + Ball Shaving.” (No doubt my father’s vest buttons are popping off with pride right now.) And, if that weren’t enough, the very next minute after that person made their way here by searching Goolge for “Marines + Ball Shaving,” another person found their way to our front door by looking to answer the eternal question, “Will martha stewart have her vagina checked?.” I’m ashamed to say that I only came up 8th in Google for that one. I swear that I’ll keep working on it though.
So, friend, what brought you here this evening?
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I should have known better… but I thought I’d go back to the webstats program and look one last time before going to bed. Well, guess what I found? Guess what the last search was that brought someone here to my little corner of the blogosphere?
“mark maynard sucks cocks in church”
Yup.
So, on that note, I bid you good night.
-Mark
What brought me here? I don’t actually remember anymore. What keeps me coming back? I think it’s because you appear to have a sense of humor that is compatible with mine.
But if you’ve started to suck cock in church, that’s going a bit far. I just might have to stop visiting.
As for why I don’t send you pictures anymore, that’s easy. I haven’t been drawing very much anymore. Although I was just telling Heather yesterday that I REALLY need to finish that video that I told you I would make… what? two years ago? So, I haven’t forgotten. If you have ANY friends that actually have a good grasp of Flash I have the elements that I can send them.
And I’ll see what I can do about drawing up a pic of King George.
Look, every time you post something about your stats page, it really freaks me out. That you have the ability to see how I got here, what I was searching for, what I’m thinking about right now… jesus! Could you please not look at your stats page anymore?
I was googling for other Ypsilanti web logs on this day.
So, which one were you CAJ, the person who wanted to know about regulation Marine ball-shaving technique, or the person wanting to know whether or not Martha Stewart had to have a full-cavity search when she got to prison? It’s OK, you can tell us.
Speaking of the full-cavity search for Ms. Stewart, what where you thinking, that maybe she
I just checked the stats program and it looks like someone found MM.com this morning by searching for, “never forget those who turned their backs on mark.” That, I think, will be my new mantra.