plastic pickles: Theres a new book out called Code Name Ginger, about the Dean Kamens Segway personal transporter (the thing that bucked off little Bushie in his parents driveway like it was a mechanical bull a few days ago) and how the folks at DEKA went about launching their revolutionary product. (If you follow that link, itll take you to a good excerpt where youll hear Steve Jobs say, I think it sucks!)
styrofoam meat: The Washington Post has a pretty good story on the events surrounding the capture of pfc Jessica Lynch by Iraqi forces. It doesnt spend much time on the question of whether or not her heroic rescue was staged, as it has recently been suggested, but theres some good material on the events that led up to that point.
acrylic lettuce: Print this one out and put it in your Americans are Idiots file. If you can believe it, according to this poll, one-third of Americans believe we found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq over 20% think that these weapons were used by the Iraqis. (Isnt it conceivable (I hope) that very few Americans believe this, and it just so happens that the only people who dont hang up the phone when theyre called to participate in polls are fucking idiots?)
rubber bun: Flash Mob assembled to shop for love rug. The internet is fucking incredible. This is fucking fantastic. Seriously, this gives me hope for the future of mankind. (And heres some context)
I just received the following note from a reader named Ken. He was in Las Vegas last week for a conference and he had this insect observation to share.
The Mandalay Bay, even with all its luxury, has a major moth problem. I couldn’t believer how they were everywhere you looked. Not in swarms or anything but you could see clusters of them here and there. They would fly in front of the screen at the presentations that I went to. I thought it very strange. I was starting to think that this was a biblical plague being released on sin city in slow motion. Swarms of moths would infest all of the casinos and people would stop coming for fear of other deadly plagues. A couple of days later, this guy told me that the light in the top of the Luxor hotel is what is attracting all of the critters. It is the strongest light in the world, apparently and every moth for miles around has found it. When I got home, I did a quick search and did find a reference to this, but the source went on further to say that the moths in turn bring the bats and at any given time during the night, you can look up at the Luxor and see swarms of bats chowing down on the moths. Coincidence? I think not. Perhaps the second plague? Maybe.
This story made me think of my friend Doug, his friend Keel, and Keels acquaintance the Mothman. I wonder if the Mothman could be lured in with the most powerful light in the world. If Im fortunate enough to meet Keel when Im in New York next week, Ill ask him.
As for the big light on the Luxor, I guess it hasnt occurred to anyone to attach the worlds biggest bug zapper. They could kill all the bugs in the state. Theyd fly in, get zapped, and then slide down the sides of the Lurox pyramid, where a bulldozer could scoop them up and push them away.
The whole place looks evil to me. It looks like a beacon for evil.
I just got back home from taking a long walk with Freeda. I almost broke her neck. She was off to the side of me and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her open her mouth and begin to dive for something. In a split second, I noticed that it was a used condom and I jerked her back with all my might. I surprised myself by how quickly I could act. I felt like a fighter pilot or something. In the process, I did nearly break her neck, but she didnt get closer than a few millimeters to the used rubbers reservoir tip. She did, however, a few minutes later, lag behind a step or two and snatch up some kind of chicken (or perhaps rat) bone. I tried my best to fish it out of her mouth, but I couldnt get anything, not even a shard. She wasnt giving it up for anything. I guess she felt as though she deserved it after missing out on the gutter sperm.
Then, when we got home, there were two more things I discovered. Freeda didnt show much interest in either. I guess they didnt smell good to her. One was a tampon wrapper, the other was a tampon applicator. They were a few feet away from each other. They were right in my front lawn. I hope its not the case, but I suspect that someone unwrapped and inserted right there, on the sidewalk Im jealous of this woman, whoever she is. I cant even pee in a public restroom if theres someone within a four-urinal radius. I wish I could just stand in the middle of a sidewalk, drop my pants and administer a Preparation-H suppository (or whatever the male equivalent of a tampon insertion would be).
Speaking of doing such things on sidewalks, I once saw a woman hike up her skirt a bit, squat down and take a shit right in the middle of a Washington, DC sidewalk. She literally did it mid stride. It didnt even take half a minute. She just stopped, did it, then started walking at the same pace. She, I suspect, was a very busy woman.
I forgot to mention my worst Paco-related fear, which is that Shannon did make the whole thing up and that she is now desperately trying to create a dog that matches the description that she gave us, so as not to be caught in a lie. I picture her tugging on a tiny dog’s tiny nipple and removing its lower jaw with a hacksaw. I hope this vision I have had is not correct. Unfortunately, however, they almost always are.
