the streets of ypsi

I just got back home from taking a long walk with Freeda. I almost broke her neck. She was off to the side of me and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her open her mouth and begin to dive for something. In a split second, I noticed that it was a used condom and I jerked her back with all my might. I surprised myself by how quickly I could act. I felt like a fighter pilot or something. In the process, I did nearly break her neck, but she didnt get closer than a few millimeters to the used rubbers reservoir tip. She did, however, a few minutes later, lag behind a step or two and snatch up some kind of chicken (or perhaps rat) bone. I tried my best to fish it out of her mouth, but I couldnt get anything, not even a shard. She wasnt giving it up for anything. I guess she felt as though she deserved it after missing out on the gutter sperm.

Then, when we got home, there were two more things I discovered. Freeda didnt show much interest in either. I guess they didnt smell good to her. One was a tampon wrapper, the other was a tampon applicator. They were a few feet away from each other. They were right in my front lawn. I hope its not the case, but I suspect that someone unwrapped and inserted right there, on the sidewalk Im jealous of this woman, whoever she is. I cant even pee in a public restroom if theres someone within a four-urinal radius. I wish I could just stand in the middle of a sidewalk, drop my pants and administer a Preparation-H suppository (or whatever the male equivalent of a tampon insertion would be).

Speaking of doing such things on sidewalks, I once saw a woman hike up her skirt a bit, squat down and take a shit right in the middle of a Washington, DC sidewalk. She literally did it mid stride. It didnt even take half a minute. She just stopped, did it, then started walking at the same pace. She, I suspect, was a very busy woman.

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