inequality, dicks in tailpipes and my visit to new york

My friend Jeff just wrote to tell me that his site had over 50,000 hits in one 24 hour period. Apparently a website called collegehumor.com linked to an image that Jeff had posted of a man with his dick in the tailpipe of car Meanwhile, during that same period of time, my heart-wrenching reflection on basement shelf building and the inevitability of death attracted an audience roughly 1/100 that size.

Im disgusted by you people.

Im coming very close to giving up and running a hose into my car from the tailpipe, or, worse yet, stuffing my penis into said tailpipe and snapping photos. Is that what you people want? Is that really all it takes to capture the minds of Americans these days?

All is not lost, however. Some people, Im told, still respect me for my non-dick-related craft. In fact, I was just today told by my friend Scott in Baltimore that USA Today recently linked to our Crimewave site again. It didnt lead to an increase in traffic, but its nice to be acknowledged by the paper of record… At least I can get that far with my dick in my pants and my integrity intact.

Im not just feeling bad for myself here. I feel bad for Jeff too. Hes a great writer, and funny as hell. It sucks that he gets this attention for putting his cock into the tailpipe of a car, and not for his brilliant story telling and evocative metaphors.

On the subject of Jeff, Im in the process of trying to convince him to leave Pennsylvania and come in to New York City while Im there at the end of this month. I think it would be cool to see him again (it’s been three years since our tearfull goodybe in Los Angeles). I also think it would be great if he and I could go to a bar and meet all of our New York friends and readers at the same time. (Who wouldnt want to see him do his tailpipe trick in person while I panic and cry in a corner? It would be a great double bill.)

Actually, the New York trip is something I wanted to mention tonight. It looks as though my friends in the city have picked a place for us to hang out and drink on at least one of the nights I’ll be there. Ive never been there, but Dan and Matt tell me that its a good place. The bar is in Manhattan and its called the Blue and Gold Tavern (79 E 7th Street). Well be there from at least 10:00 till midnight on Saturday, June 28. (Other bars to be visited, either before or after, include the Ear Inn and Nancy Whiskey.) So, if youre interested in meeting me and some of the regulars from this site, a few old high school friends of mine, or any of the members of the Monkey Power Trio music band, you now know where to go. Seriously, if you’re in the neighborhood on Saturday night, stop in and say hello. Jeff may or may not be there, but I’ve given my word to lots of people that I’d be there for at least those two hours. I may be an unfriendly mental case, but I’ll be there.

Speaking of Monkey Power, its not up on our site yet, but we have a new record for sale. Its on clear vinyl. Heres what it looks like.

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