jawless dog

I just received the following note from Shannon. Ive never met her, but she apparently has OCD (my mental disorder) and lives somewhere near me. In spite of both of those things, I dont get the sense that shes someone to be afraid of though. Heres her note. Apparently my mention of Chihuahuas yesterday prompted this response.

Your blogging today has made me sad. Not for me, but for my dog, Paco. Two years ago I found a little animal scurrying about in a graveyard next to (my ex-boyfriends) mother’s house. We went down to check out the situation, and there was Paco. She’s a long-haired Chihuahua who had been shaved, thrown into an argyle sweater and left for dead during a cold week in November. To top things off, she has no teeth and no lower jaw. She also suffers from severe allergies and an enlarged nipple. The poor dear is a mess… Even if I stuck her up my sleeve, I don’t think she would do much more than startle an enemy. It does make for an interesting attack method against crack smoking cancer patients and their prostitute girlfriends. I still think I’ll apply for a concealed weapon, however.

Im sitting here wondering how a dog with no lower jaw could eat. Is that possible? My guess is that the answer has something to do with the enlarged nipple. The dog must suck its own nipple for sustenance. I guess it makes sense. You could live forever that way, and youd never have to chew food. It would be a perfect life.

On the subject of Paco, if you feel so inclined, and if you have a pen and a scanner, send me a drawing of what you think she might look like and Ill post it here. If I had more motivation and energy, Id figure out some kind of prize for the best entry. This is another one of those times when an intern would come in handy Just send me a drawing of a dog with no lower jaw. Please.

As for the end of Shannons note, someday Ill explain it all to you. Its a long story. Here, briefly, are a few highlights Apparently she met someone while in the hospital, a young man with some kind of chemical dependency problem. He was also being treated for cancer. As he had nowhere else to go once he got out of the hospital, she took him in. It turned out that he was dealing crack, I think from her apartment. He ended up stealing her car and running off to Detroit where he was nabbed by the cops. Somewhere in all of this, there were veiled threats made against Shannons life. In the email I received before this one, she told me that thugs were circling in the parking lot, waiting for her to leave her job. My guess is thats why she mentions the concealed weapon.

(Shannon also thinks she knows the woman who had Ron Jeremy arrested here in Ypsilanti a week or so ago. She’s working on getting an exclusive for MM.com.)

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