I was in the car, turning into the parking lot of the gym when I got a frantic call from Linette. Our friend Jen had just called her, asking if she could come over and hide in our basement. Apparently there was a big storm coming. She mentioned something about cantaloupe-sized balls of ice hurtling toward earth I turned the car around and headed home, thinking that it was my responsibility to be there with Linette, Jen and the animals, to protect them, should some shit go down. I was picturing the house lifting off its foundation and me having to hold Linette by her ankle as a funnel cloud tried to rip her away from me I sped home, having to turn my windshield wipers on once, after a handful of droplets fell from the sky. If it were a movie, some kind of dramatic music would have started at that point I pressed down on the gas.
When I pulled into the driveway, Jen was there with a box, which I assumed was full of canned food and supplies. She was, I think, running around in a circle. I asked her about the storm and how much time we had. She mentioned logging onto something like the FEMA website and seeing a red wall of shit bearing down on us.
Well, I am sitting here on the couch now, an hour and a half later, and there hasnt been a single raindrop to speak of. Im just sitting here, waiting for the world as we know it to come crashing down around my feet.
We ordered pizza.
I think it’s clearing up outside now.
I should never listen to either my wife or to Jen again… but, then again, I did get out of going to the gym.
