Stay inside, Ypsilanti

By all appearances, we’re under martial law right now in Ypsilanti. I’m not sure what’s up, but the roads are all blocked and sirens are blaring. Judging from what I’m reading on social media, and the thumping bass beneath the wail of the sirens, I think we’ve been attacked by the gay. At least that’s what it looks like, based on photos like this one of what appear to be gay activists standing on Ypsilanti’s street corners, aggressively hurling rainbows into the faces of bewildered breeders.

Screen shot 2015-06-27 at 9.40.28 AM

I hate to say it, but it would appear that the Republicans were right. Yesterday’s Supreme Court decision really was the beginning of the end. God help us all.

[In case it’s not clear, the above post is about the Color Run. If the gay have been able to weaponize rainbows, I’m not aware of it. Also, I suspect they’re all still in bed right now, having gay partied late into the night.]

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6 Comments

  1. Fuck
    Posted June 27, 2015 at 11:23 am | Permalink

    I FUCKING LOVE the idea of gays wielding weaponized rainbows!

  2. Jean Henry
    Posted June 27, 2015 at 5:37 pm | Permalink

    Walking the dogs at 8am through Ypsi today was surreal. It was Kafka-esque to get anywhere– with no detour routes just closed roads everywhere. The music was blaring like the world’s loudest discotech. And women were screaming at intervals. Plus pouring rain. The runners looked like technicolor zombies. I took the dogs to Water Street Commons to escape the hub-bub, and a sheriff kindly took the time to make me move my car for no possible reason to the parking area on the field. I walked to the river where I discovered a single brand new Air Jordan shoe, nice one, in a pre-teen size. That was eerie. I couldn’t really come up with an ok narrative to explain the shoe. Maybe it’s some gay Cinderfella story. I sure hope so. Props to Ypsi for allowing what sounded like an outdoor Rave to begin at the crack of dawn. Ann Arbor is way too old for that shit.

  3. Eel
    Posted June 28, 2015 at 8:18 am | Permalink

    Bitten on the leg by a color runner the man had no choice but to immediately hack off his leg before the virus made its way into his bloodstream. The limb was burned. But why waste the shoe. It was, after all, a new Air Jordan.

  4. Posted June 29, 2015 at 12:22 am | Permalink

    This event needs to cease.

  5. Robert Davis
    Posted June 29, 2015 at 7:25 am | Permalink

    And The Color Run Head, once again, bolts town with over 1/2 million in cash profit, after paying bills, giving a Tiny, Tiny Tiny amount to Charity, and chuckling about the volunteers helping line his pockets, YUCK!!!

  6. Posted July 7, 2015 at 1:10 pm | Permalink

    Hey Mark! I have been really unhappy with The Color Run for the four years I have lived on the route now. I just discovered that you aren’t crazy about it either. I would like to see it move out of downtown Ypsi. I think a MoveOn.org petition could be a great idea. We would have quite a while to get it signed before preparations for next years events are under way. It would be awesome to have a recognizable name starting the petition, so I was wondering if it was something you felt compelled to do? If so, please let me expound to you my concerns about this event before you write the petition, as I have some points that are not often addressed (like how the colored powder they throw around is made of ingredients with a strong link to cancer! I know because I have been messaging with the color run organizers and they sent me a list of the actual ingredients, etc). Here is an example of a MoveOn.org petition if you are interested. This one is to stop the commercial-grade fireworks in residential areas. If you don’t have time to start the petition, I totally understand, but I thought I would at least ask cuz you are a well regarded person who lives right here on the run route and can speak of first-hand experience. http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/repeal-the-michigan-firework

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